


The trade-off

by friedpossum



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cussing, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mind Control, Ownership, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape, Self Harm, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Short Chapters, Slurs, Spanking, Tags May Change, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, season 7, some Negan x Rick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-08-27 03:26:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 100
Words: 66,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8385382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedpossum/pseuds/friedpossum
Summary: Negan and Lucille made their impact, and as the group recovers from the blow, Daryl is taken back to Negans compound, while the rest of the group gets to go home to Alexandria.  Negan has already broken Rick, now he wants a new shiny toy..





	1. Line-up

**Author's Note:**

> Not quite sure where this'll go yet, but it will be dark, graphic, and there will be non-con in it.  
> Trigger warnings for abuse and all the tags. Please read with that in mind.
> 
> I do not own the characters, or the walking dead tm, and I do not make money off of this.
> 
> This is not betaed, because I don't have a beta. If you want to beta for me, let me know.

THWAK! The sound of the bat pulverizing Abrahams skull, his rasping last words, filled Daryl with a white hot rage.  
  
Negan struck again, and again, and again, till he let out a throaty laugh. "Did you hear that? He said suck my nuts", he laughed again, and kept hitting Abrahams broken head with the bat. He smirked "Oh my goodness. Look at this. You guys, look at my dirty girl!" Daryl kept watching the cruel man, the pain from his shoulder fading as the rage in him grew. Negans voice, smooth and soft,betrayed that he got off on the suffering - or that he wanted everyone to think that he did. He sauntered to Rosita, holding the bat right in front of her. "Sweetheart..lay your eyes on this." Rosita sat there, in a state of shock and grief, and the bastard taunted her. Negan feigned innocence. "Oh damn,were you - were you together? That sucks." Daryl could barely sit still, all he wanted was to attack. Chunks of what used to be Abrahams head was still hanging on the barbwire around the bat, and Negan stuck it right under Rosita's nose. "But if you were, you should know there was a reason for all this." Rosita couldn't focus her eyes, Daryl saw her going deeper within herself in shock, and still Negan was talking. "Red", Negan said, still with that grin on his face, "-and hell he was, is, and will ever be - red. He just took one or six or seven for the team! So take.. a damn look." Rosita started to hyperventilate. Daryls rage pounded, he couldn't contain it any longer.

"TAKE A DAMN LOOK!" Daryl pounced, attacked like a wild beast. He landed a punch, decent enough, but he had forgotten about the injury, affecting his strength so Negan didn't even fall. He tried to grab him, but Negans henchmen grabbed him first, pressing him into the ground, punching and twisting him to get him down. His heart pounding, realizing what may come next, he could not believe his ears. Negan was..laughing? 


	2. The consequences

Negan chuckled, and stopped mid-chuckle. "No! Oh no." He pointed the bat at Daryl. Daryl could feel the blood pounding in him, like his rage had faded (it had not) and all the pain in his body started to come back. Negan gave another chuckle. "That? Oh,my! That is a no-no." Negan crouched next to Daryl. "The whole thing - not one bit of that shit flies here." Daryls line of vision was blocked by the bloodied bat. He realized this might be it, this might be the end. This might be the single thing that ended him, out of everything he'd been through, a single act of rage could be it.

Immediately, as he realized this, he was overcome with guilt. The others, they didn't need this on top of everything, he was if nothing else of use to them, and he'd never seen Rick's kids grow up, he felt as responsible for them as he would if they were blood-kin. A quick shuffle of feet, and one of the men holding him moved. Dwights voice, he assumed the douchebag was holding his crossbow; "Do you want me to do it?. Right here." Daryl turned slightly, yup,Dwight was holding Daryls crossbow, the son of a bitch. Negan took hold of Daryls hair, and grabbed it, pulled his head back. Daryl did what he could not to growl, he felt more like an animal than anything else. Negan answered, quiet again, suddenly. "No. You don't kill that - not untill you try a little." A smile Daryl could not interpret spread on Negans face. What the hell did he mean by that? Daryl didn't get a chance to think about it before he got dragged back in his place by Negans henchmen.

"And anyway" - Negan continued - "That is not how this works."

Daryl tried catching his breath, but his heart was racing more than it did already. He got to live, but the others? What had he done?!

 

 


	3. Punishment

"Now, I already told you people. First one's free. Then what'd I say? I said I would shut that shit down! No exceptions."

Negans moved within the circle, Daryl following him with his eyes. "Now,I don't know what kind of lying assholes you've been dealing with.." Negan stood directly in front of Glenn now. Daryls head thundered with rage, the pain, everything was a red fog of anger and hate and pain. Negan threw that smile that seemed so sincere, it was terrifying. What kind of maniac was this asshole? Negan glanced at him. "But I'm a man of my word. First impressions are important. I need you to know me." He shot another smile at the group. "So.." Negan tok a firmer grip on the bat, "back to it!" He turned and swung, THWAK!

Glenn fell down, his blood splattering around. Daryl couldn't breathe. The cries, Maggies desperate shriek, pierced him with guilt. This was on him, this was all his fault, oh fuck, oh fuck, no! The sounds Glenn made, was sounds no human being should ever make. Negan, bending down to look at Glenns face, as he spluttered. "Buddy, are you still there? I just don't know.It seems like you're trying to speak, but you just took a hell of a hit. I just popped your skull so hard, your eyeball just popped out - and it is gross as shit!" Negan gave a laugh, while the crying and screaming intensified as they saw Glenns face. "Maggie - I-I'll find you", Glenn managed to say, and Negan looked at her. "Oh..oh,hell." Taking on the mask of a concerned friend again, he continued "I can see this is hard on you guys." He looked down, while Glenns spluttering sounds continued behind him. "I am sorry. I truly am."

And then his face grew into that smile, evil, hearty. "But I did say it. No exceptions!" THWAK! Another blow to Glenns skull, he landed in the dirt, and this time Negan didn't stop hitting. Glenns body stopped moving after awhile, the only thing that moved was when the bat connected to what was left. Slightly out of breath, in between hits, Negan said; "You bunch of pussies. I'm just getting started." THWAK. THWAK. THWAK. The hits kept going for far too long, there was only mush left. Every hit, Daryl broke a little more, it should have been him. It was his fault. The others would want him dead after this. He just robbed a child of its father. Every hit that fell, Daryl flinched violently. He couldn't stop it. Shaking, he looked at Rick, but Rick was no longer there - shock had taken him too. A part of him was probably there, probably raging, but he couldn't focus on Daryls eyes anymore than Maggie could.

"Lucille is thirsty! She is a vampire bat!" Negan half-shouted gleefully. A big flap of skin, or meat, or chuck of hair, flapped from the tip of the bat. "What? Was the joke that bad?" Negan laughed again.

Rick, in his state of shock and grief, answered.

"I'm gonna kill you".

 


	4. Waiting

Negan walked in front of Rick, crouching down, speaking softly, in a dramatical whisper. "What? I didn't quite catch that, you're gonna have to speak up." Rick, fidgeting a little before looking Negan square in the eyes. Daryl felt a pang of fear, after what he did when Daryl defied him, what would Negan do next?

"Not today. Not tomorrow. But I'm gonna kill you." Ricks hoarse voice continued. Negan measured Rick, meeting his gaze, and from what Daryl could see, he understood that Rick was dead serious. "Jesus..." Negan half-whispered out loud. Daryl followed his thoughts, he imagined, pretty well. Even after all that, even after that immense display of power, Rick was still challenging him. You had to either be a special kind of stupid, or a special kind of man to do that. Negan kept the eyecontact with Rick for a what seemed like a very long time, although it was probably only a few seconds. "Simon", he said, looking at the man behind Rick. "What'd he have, a knife?" Simon answered, quietly, "He had a hatchet". Negans expression turned into that amused grin. "A hatchet?" His what-the-fuck face seemed very out of place. Simon answered, even quieter "An axe".

Negans smile grew, and he gave that dry laugh again. "Simon's my right hand man. Having one of those is important. I mean, what do you have left without 'em? A whole lotta work." Negan smiled, and continued. "You have one? Maybe one of these fine people still breathing?" Rick looked away. Negan feigned sadness again, Daryl felt a chill down his spine, he was far too convincing a liar, even after seeing him bludgeon two of his friends to death, it still seemed sincere. "Oh..or did I.." Negan clicked his tongue, mimicking with the bat. His smile came back, as Rick stared him down defiantly. Negan sighed. "Sure", he seemed to say to himself, before he continued, "Yeah, gimme his axe."Negan maintained eyecontact with Rick, but there was a change in his expression. Daryl saw him grow cold, the feigned sincere smile fading. The charade was over, he was going to show his power again. Daryls breathing quickened, he wanted to jump forward and stop him from killing again, but he couldn't, they held him down.

Negan kept staring into Ricks face, looking for some sort of answer to an equation. Daryl tried to imagine what he could be thinking, some way to stop him, but his heart raced, and Dwight kept nudging his neck with the crossbow - there was nothing he could do. Finally, Negan stood up, and placed Ricks hatchet in his belt. He grabbed Rick by the collar and dragged him along to the RV with Rick flailing like an unruly dog. "Be right back, maybe Rick'll be with me. If not, well, we can just turn these people inside out, won't we". Rick couldn't dp anything but follow along. He had no control, and it was apparent to everyone. "I mean, the ones that are left." Negan threw Rick into the RV and slammed the door.

Daryl was already afraid, but as they entered the RV, the panic and guilt finally crept in on him. His senses were in full attack mode. The RV coughed a bit. There was talking inside, but he couldn't make out what they said over the sobbing around him. The RV started, and drove off. They were left to watch it drive away, even more terrified than they were already. Daryl looked at Carl, but there were too many people in between them. He couldn't face Maggie, or anyone else. He couldn't look at Glenns mutilated corpse, he couldn't face anyone. He was more alone than he had ever been before - they would never forgive him. What the hell was he going to do now? And what was going to happen to Rick? 

In spite of himself, Daryl let out a quiet sob.


	5. Returns and farewells

The RV had been gone awhile. Daylight was slowly giving them an even more grim view of the bodies of their friends. There were birds chirping close by and it seemed obscene, disrespectful. Daryl knew the woods, knew nature better than to be angry at the sounds of life around him, but it still rubbed him the wrong way. Negans men hadn't moved, as far as he could tell. His friends hadn't moved either. Well, not a lot. Maggie and Rosita held themselves, rocking and sobbing, eyes blank with shock. There was a walker in the forest. One of Negans men dealt with it, and returned to where he stood before. Daryl tried to distract himself with paying attention to Negans men and everything they did. How they moved, any injuries they might have, what weapons they had on them. There were too many to fight, even if every single one in the group killed several, each at the same time.

 

No one spoke. His friends sobbed, hyperventilated, wailed or sat quietly staring into the air. The men, standing where they did when Negan left, no one speaking, no one acting on their own, that said a lot about the man, and what he was capable of. It reminded him of the governor, but this was somehow worse. The governor pretended to be like the people around him, for so long, and Negan only seemed to attempt to try for a few seconds at a time.

 

There was a low hum of a vehicle approaching. Daryls heart sped up. The RV returned. Let Rick be alive, please let him be alive, he couldn't help fearing the worst. The RV stopped, and the door was kicked open, Rick flying out in a heap on the dirt and gravel. Daryl let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Rick was alive. All hope wasn't lost. Daryl growled deep down from his core, upon seeing Negan drag Rick by the collar of his jacket,like an unruly dog on too short a leash. He dragged Rick closer to the half-circle of people,and dropped him. Daryl noticed that Rick had his axe in hand, and wondered what the hell had been going on out there.

 

"Here we are." Negan strolled a few paces, a strut in his step, like he'd won something. It was eerie. Even the birds had gone silent. "Let me ask you something Rick. Do you even know what that trip was about?" Rick sat on the ground, confused, seemingly retraumatized by seeing his friends bodies in the daylight. The humiliation in front of his group probably didn't help either. Rick didn't say anything. "Speak when you're spoken to." Negan sounded bored, flat, in a way. Daryl watched him pace around, the bat in hand. Rick sniffled. "Okay...okay."  
  
Negan spoke like a teacher, explaining a very simple equation to a student. "That trip was about the way that you.." he paused, "looked at me." He continued, "I wanted to change that, I wanted you to understand." Negans smile was cold and unforgiving. "But you're still looking at me the same damn way, and you're scrambled eggs, and that's not gonna work. So, do I give you another chance?" Negan bent down, and looked at Ricks face, while playing with the bat, just in the line of Ricks vision. Daryl saw Ricks eyes flicker towards the bat before answering a low, subdued "Yeah.. yes,yes." Negan smiled and patted Rick on the back like he had done good. There was something very disturbing about it, Daryl decided. Negan seemed more and more like he was training a particularly difficult dog. Negan stood. "Okey, alright,and here it is. The grand prize game." Negan smiled viciously and stood, gesturing with Lucille,the bat. "What you do next, will decide whether your crap day becomes everyones last crap day, or just another crap day." Ricks breathing, and Negans footsteps in the gravel was all that could be heard.

 

"Put some guns to the back of their heads." Clicks could be heard throughout the clearing, and Daryl felt the nuzzle of a gun press at the back of his head. "Good, now, level with their noses, so 'f you have to fire", he made an exploding sound, "it'll be a real mess." Negan looked at Carl.   
  
"Kid, right here." Negan motioned for Carl to go to him, and Ricks eyes widened. Negan looked at Carl, smile fading quickly. "Kid, now."

 


	6. Counting

Carl stood and walked to Negan, who was smiling viciously, while undoing his belt. Daryl swallowed, what the hell was he about to do? Negan grabbed Carls arm, and tightened the belt around his arm. Daryl connected the dots, and felt ready to hurl then and there. "Are you a southpaw?" Carl stood, defiant where Negan had told him to."Am I a what?" Negan tied the end of the belt, and pulled a little. "Are you a leftie?" Carl, answering still with defiance. "No." Negan saw something amusing in the kids defiance, Daryl thought, but he didn't have a long fuse, he got bored quickly, and he hoped Carl would do as he was told without pissing off the maniac. "Good. That hurt?" Carl lied, obviously. "No." Negan, still amused by the kids obvious guts, answered with a grin. "It should, it's supposed to." When he saw there was no backing down in the kids face, he grew bored. "Allright, get down on the ground next to daddy, spread them wings." Negan flipped Carls hat off, sent it somewhere behind him. Carl knelt slowly, too slowly for Negan, he pushed Carl till he layed flat on the ground.

He looked up. "Simon, you got a pen?" "Yeah." The man looked a little confused, but found a marker, and tossed it to Negan, who caught it with ease. Negan knelt, stuck the marker cap in his mouth and grabbed Carls arm. "Sorry kid, this is gonna be as cold as a warlocks ballsack, just like he was hanging his ballsack right over, and dragging it across yer forearm. Give me a little leverage." He put the cap back on, almost the wrong way, Daryl noted. Maybe he was farsighted? It could be nothing, of course, but a detail, any detail could be useful to him later.

Rick started whimpering. "Please – please - please don't." Negans smile grew like he'd hit the jackpot. "Me?" A dry laugh,before he continued. "I ain't doin' shit." He dragged out the last word, pronouncing every letter. He exhaled as he stood. "Rick, I want you to take your axe and cut your sons left arm off, right on that line." Daryl looked at Rick, the hurt in him escalating. He had never come to terms with the things he felt whenever Rick and him were alone and things were less chaotic. The fact that Rick had come back alive, had punched him in the gut with it. That need to protect him, although he wanted to protect the whole group, he thought to himself, not wanting to think any more about it. In front of him, Negan droned on. "Now, I know, I know, you have to process that for a second, that makes sense. Still though, I'm gonna need you to do it, or all these people are gonna die." Negan gestured with Lucille in a sweeping motion to everyone. "Then Carl dies, then the people back home die, and then you die", he drew a long breath, "eventually, - but we'll keep you breathing for two or three years, just so you can stew on it."

Michonne spoke up, pleading. "You dont have to do this, we understand, we understand.." Negan looked at her, annoyed. "You understand", he smiled, "yeah", he pointed the bat at Rick, "I'm not sure that Rick does". Negan directed his attention to Rick again. "I'm gonna need a clean cut, right there on that line. Now I know this is a screwed up thing to ask. but it's gonna have to be like a salami slice, nothing messy, clean, 45 degrees, give us something to fold over". Negan kept looking at Rick, to see if it had sunk in yet, and from the looks of it, it was starting to. Negan smiled. "We have a great doctor, the kid'll be fine", he paused and his smile grew an inch. "Probably".

"Rick, This needs to happen now, chop chop, or I will crush the little fellas skull myself". "It can it can be me, it can be me", Rick muttered, and Negan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Daryl could smell the manipulation, he recognized the pattern without having words for it. He grimaced, being too aware of the ramifications should he attack Negan again. Glenns blood was already on his hands, he didn't need another friends life on his conscience."You can do it to me, I can, I can go with you", Rick babbled, desperately. Daryl could see he was close to losing it. "No", Negan stood up slowly. "This is the only way". He exhaled. "Rick, pick up the axe." Ricks breathing was panicky and raspy. "Not making a decision, is a BIG decision", Negan growled. "You really wanna see all these people die? You will."

Daryl swallowed, as the nozzle of the gun pushed harder against the back of his head, reminding him that any second now could be their last. "You will see every ugly thing", Negan continued, emphasising each word. Rick was panicking now, he let out a cry of desperation, as Negan exclaimed "Oh my god. Are you gonna make me count?" Rick looked around for any sort of solution, help, anything that could stop this, and not finding anything. "Ok,Rick, you win, I am counting. THREE!" Rick started wailing, "Please, please" and Daryl felt like something broke in him. "Please,please,it can be me, please" "TWO!" Negan bellowed and crouched by Rick, slapped him, and grabbed his face with one hand, forcing Rick to look him in the eyes. "This is it." Negan stood back up. "ONE!" Rick fumbled for the axe, still trying to scramble for any solution that could stop this from happening. Daryl kept an eye on Negan, any second now they'd be dead, and there would be no more hope, no more fighting.

Carls voice, barely more than a whisper, defiant but not defeated, said "Dad..just do it. Just do it."  
Ricks wailing grew as he lifted the axe.


	7. Chop chop

Rick wailed as he lifted the axe above his head, and held Carls arm down. Daryl couldn't look away. That poor kid had been through enough already, without this asshole forcing his dad to chop off his arm. Negan smiled, crouched and said, quietly "Rick". Rick froze, a deer in headlights, so grateful, so hopeful, so afraid. Daryl held his breath. Negan spoke with an intense, calm voice, almost hypnotic. "You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me. Right?" Rick nodded, hyperventilating, his whole body shaking. "SPEAK WHEN YOU'RE SPOKEN TO!" Negan bellowed into Ricks face, spittle landing on Ricks face. "You answer to me. You provide for me", Negan repeated. Rick feverishly tried to keep up. "..I provide for you". Negan nodded his approval, and spoke with emphasis on each word. "You...belong.. to me. Right?" Rick nodded and answered, subdued, "Right". Negan looked pleased. "Right. That", he flourished with his hands, and made Rick flinch, "...is the look I wanted to see." Daryl could feel the pressure from the gun at the back of his head disappear. He let out a raspy breath. He was starting to get dizzy. The bloodloss, probably, Daryl guessed.

Negan spoke, loudly, triumphantly. "We did it, all of us, together. Even the dead guys on the ground, hell, they get the spirit award for sure. Today was a productive damn day. I hope for all your sake that you get it now, that you understand how things work. Things have changed, whatever you had going for you, that is over now". Clearly satisfied with the groups deference, he pointed at Daryl. "Dwight, load him up". Daryl barely had time to react, before he felt himself be lifted and thrown in the back of the van they'd brought him there in.He felt like an animal in a cage, and the way Dwight was pointing his own goddamn crossbow at him didn't help. The doors slammed shut, and Daryl could hear Negan continuing to talk to Rick, and that's all he heard, before Dwight entered the car, pointing a gun his way. Another guy climbed in after awhile, to drive the thing.

Daryl didn't bother trying to say anything, Dwight was itching to pull the trigger, with good reason. That asshole was the first one to go when he got his strength back. Then Negan, whenever the opportunity came. That crazy son of a bitch was going to die, quick, because motherfuckers like him could talk themselves out of anything.

He could see Negan walk away into one of the other cars, his friends sitting where they had for the whole ordeal. The car started and he sat back down. He wondered where they were going, what Negan wanted him for, and if he would ever see his friends again. Everything seemed dark and without hope. And then he passed out, sliding down from a sitting position to a lying down. The last thing he heard was Dwights "Oh shit!" before everything went dark.


	8. What's up, Doc?

Daryl woke up in the back of the van, Dwight slapping him in the face. "Get up, wake up, c'mon". Daryl smacked him in the face on pure reflex, and heard Negan chuckle in the background. "He's a feisty one, isn't he? Bring him to the Docs office, let him look him over and report back to me. Throw him in one of the cells when he's had the check up." Daryl looked at Negan, as he stepped close, put the end of Lucille under his chin, the spikes on the barbs far too close for comfort.

 "And you", Negan smiled, and spoke with that intense, hypnotic gravelly voice Daryl already had grown to hate, "you behave. Mm?" Daryl looked down, couldn't help it. The spikes on the barbwire around the bat pushed his head back, forcing Daryl to look at Negan again. Negans eyes glittered dangerously. "Speak when you're spoken to", he grinned. "Alright", Daryl muttered, feeling like shit already. He saw what Negan had done to Rick, how fast he'd broken him down, and Negan knew that. Better to yield quickly and wait it out. Negans smile grew. "Say it", he prompted. Daryls eyes flickered. "... 'll behave". Negan moved a tiny bit closer, lowered the bat, and gave him a quick pat on the cheek with his right hand. "Attaboy".

 

Daryl tried to memorize details while Dwight and another man, tall, strong, bald, escorted him to the doctors office. It seemed like a large factory, he saw strong walls surround it, some seem to have been reinforced, and there were armed men at spots around the walls as far as he could see. Dwight didn't say much, and the bald man said nothing at all. Daryl was held by the elbow, and lead through a narrow, newly built hallway. Daryl could tell it was new, some parts weren't finished, and some men were working on building another section. It looked like they were dividing the factory's large rooms into smaller units, probably in preparation for winter. Smaller rooms required less heating. He remembered the winters before the walkers, they had been bad enough. Now? He didn't have much hope of seeing summer again. Not a lot of people did.

 

The rooms leading from the hallway were varied in use, it seemed. Some with bars on the outside, he suspected them to be cells, and a large room that seemed to be food storage. He caught the eye of a man in there, a dark-haired man that reminded him of Glenn. Same slender build, same quick movements, same easy smile. But when their eyes met there was nothing, no warmth, no humanity. Dwight pushed him along, no one else seemed to care about them. Prisoners must be a standard thing here, Daryl thought, since it's not even interesting enough to merit a reaction. They reached the doctors office, the only room so far to seem like an actual office, and Dwight knocked. The bald man smiled when the doctor opened, a very thin, aging man, that looked like he'd worked in the archives of some building and never seen sunlight. "Yes?", he said, measuring Daryl with cold, beady eyes. "Got a new arrival for you. Give him a thorough checkup, got shot in the shoulder, lost a shitton of blood, think he passed out in the car". The doctor looked like he was bored and annoyed at this. "Fine." The doctor stepped aside to let Daryl into an examinaton room that looked incredibly sterile and professional. Dwight squeezed his arm to remind him who was in charge. The bald man exchanged low words with Dwight and took off. Dwight stood next to the door, hand on his weapon.

 

"Right, the bulletwound first. Take your shit off and let me have a look." Daryl shuffled uncomfortably for a moment, before removing his vest carefully. The doctor steered him towards a bench where he could sit while being examined. Daryl sat still,silently, while the doctor cleaned his wound. The pain was burning, making him unfocused and tired. The faces of his friends swam before his eyes. Denise, dead. Abraham, dead. Glenn, dead. Rick, broken. Maggie.. he couldn't finish his thought. No emotions. Push it away. Like before everything. Before he met everyone. Even before Merle came home. He looked up to see Dwight put on his vest. "Hey!" his voice was more than rusty, and when he wanted to jump and get it, the doctor grabbed him by the wound and stuck his finger in it. Daryl fell to his knees, shouting out in pain. "Sit on the fucking bench." The doctor pulled him back up, and placed him where he wanted. He looked and poked a little, before pulling out his needle and thread. "You'll be fine in three, maybe four weeks. If you don't get infected, or piss somebody off before that." Daryl grunted. Dwight smirked by the door, Daryls vest too big for his scrawny body. "Sit still." Daryl saw Dwight smiling, like he was looking forward to this, and Daryl didn't want to give him the satisfaction. That fucker was going to die as soon as possible. 

The doctor pulled the needle through his skin again and again, untill there were five neat stitches on his shoulder. Dwights smile faded after each stitch, Daryl made sure to look at him the entire time. He could bow to Negan, fine, but not to this asshole. "Excellent." The doctor finished up, and removed his gloves. "And now, the rest. Drop your pants."


	9. Lesson Two

 

Daryl refused. "I ain't doin' it." His hoarse voice was met by a stern look from the doctor, who looked at Dwight. Dwight rolled his eyes, and opened the door. "Dwayne!" A few moments later the bald man from before came in. "Help me pull his pants off". "Hell no, I'm not a fag. You want to fuck him so bad, you hold him." Daryl seethed internally, but at the same time he could see some sort of twinkle in the mans eyes,he wasn't sure what that was about though. Daryl looked around, and saw the doctors tray of instruments.

He grabbed what looked like scalpels, and backed into the bench. "I ..ain't.. doing it." The bald man shook his head, and left. Daryl knew this wasn't a good idea. To him, the idea of being completely naked was bad enough on it's own, but in front of these pricks? Hell no. 

 

Suddenly Dwight,who had been looking back and forth at Daryl and the door, kneeled. Then the  doctor kneeled, if a bit slower. Negan entered, Lucille in hand.  
"What the fuck is this I hear? Did you, or did you not, JUST promise me to behave?" Negan came closer, not seemingly worried about the scalpels. He waved Lucille in Daryls face. He didn't look surprised at all, merely amused, but Daryl had seen how quickly that could change. "Yeah", Daryl answered. "So what the fuck do you think you're doing?" Daryl bared his teeth as a reflex, he didn't want to answer, but knew he had to. "Yeah, I promised you, not these pricks." Daryl waved in their direction. Negan smiled. "Ain't that cute. Give the nice doctor the toys and do as you're told." Daryl met Negans eyes and knew the line he was balancing on was wafer-thin. He gave Negan the scalpels. Negan made a sound, a mix between surprise and disappointment and approval. He grabbed the doctors hand as he tried to get the scalpels back, and while staring into Daryls eyes, Negan, dragged the scalpel over the doctors forearm. "We don't let new guests so close to sharp things,do we? That's fucking stupid and careless, isn't it?" Daryls eyes flickered between Negans face and smile, and the blood seeping from the doctors arm. "N-no. I mean,y-yes", the doctor replied, nervously. "It won't happen again". "No", Negan said, in a very calm voice, "it motherfucking won't."

 

Daryl was grabbed by the hair by Negan, and pushed along another, slightly older corridor. As Negan and Daryl rounded a corner, they entered what seemed to be a common room, and people all around them kneeled. People in the middle of doing things, Daryl saw, just fell down on one knee as soon as Negan showed up. Finally they reached the end of the corridor, and into a large stairway. A short flight of cast iron stairs up, and they entered another hallway,this older, sturdier. At the end of the hallway were two large doors that seemed to lead into one large office. The doors were thick, heavy, oak, Daryl guessed. 

Negan opened the door and shoved Daryl inside, and onto the carpeted floor. Daryl grunted, he had already pissed Negan off it seemed, but it didn't seem like he was going to get killed for it. He expected a beating, or torture, or threats, but he did not expect what Negan said next, as he sat down behind a massive desk, and poured himself a large glass of something brown. He leaned back in the chair, took a sip from his glass, and looked at Daryl with that twinkle in his eye Daryl was starting to fear. He stood up, unsure of why they were here, looked around him quickly, one door leading further in

"Well, we're here, princess. Drop your pants."

 


	10. Drop 'em

 

Daryl stood in shock, no idea what to do. "Wha..?" Negan leaned forward. "Did I fucking stutter? Drop. Your. Pants. You said you'd listen to me, so ...listen." Negan gave Lucille a twirl, and the threat wasn't exactly subtle. Daryl could feel his heart speeding up, and his cheeks blushing, but he started to open his belt. "You're already topless, sweetheart, and I got a good fucking look at your back when we were walking up here, so get to it." Daryl stopped mid-movement in opening his belt, only for a split second, but Negan noticed. "Oh yeah, I saw. That is some fucked up shit. I like it." Daryl wanted to shoot him an angry glance, but thought better of it. Keep it in, no emotions. Just like before. No one could force him to feel shit, he would survive this as he had survived everyhing else. He dropped the belt on what seemed to have been a backless velvet chair, the kind you'd find in cheesy nineties porn movies.

 

Negan took another swig of the glass, and looked at it. "This tastes like shit." He looked at Daryl, and Daryl looked at him, like the prey and predator, keeping tabs on each others every move. Negan looked down, smiled ever so slightly, and hurled the glass at him, drops of the drink hitting Daryls bare chest. The glass didn't break, but hit the wall right behind Daryl. Daryl hadn't moved or flinched. "So here's the deal, Dah-rul." Negan exaggerated the name, rolled it around in his mouth and spit it out. "You are gonna tell me 'bout those scars on your back, and drop your pants, or .." He picked up a photo of Carol from a stack on the desk, "this one dies. After I let my boys have some fun."

 

They stared at eachother for a few seconds before Daryl, still looking into Negans eyes opened his pants. Defiance shone from his every move. Negan stood up, came closer, Lucille left on the desk. "Better start talking, snowflake. Or your adoptive mom over there will be introduced to Lucille, real fucking soon." Daryl fumbled with his pants, before dropping them, and placing them on the chair next to him. Negan circled him. "Dunno whatchu want me to say", Daryl said, he spoke slowly, maybe a bit calmer than usual, trying to keep it all in.

 

Negan reached out, and touched Daryls back softly. Daryl flinched without wanting to. Goosebumps spread on his entire body. He wore black, worn boxers, and socks, and felt more naked than he had in years. He cupped his front protectively, trying to not be too obvious about it. "This", Negan traced a big scar slashing from one shoulder down towards the other side, "I want you to tell me about this." Negans touch was warm, soft and very confusing. What the hell kind of game was he playing? Daryl cleared his throat to begin, as Negan went to sit back down in his chair. He opened his mouth to speak when Negan stopped short, next to him, turned to him, and looked him up and down.  
"You got some on you", he said, and traced a drop with his finger, down Daryls chest. Daryl held still, utterly confused. He thought he had this guy pegged, he's a psycho for sure, so what the hell was this about? This guy went from bashing his friends heads in, making Rick a shivering, snivelling wreck, in a matter of hours, to this?

 

Negan licked the droplet off his finger. "Start talking, sunshine", he said, almost a whisper. Daryl flushed, unable to keep some of the confusion off his face. "It was..my old man. He was a mean ol' drunk." His voice felt rusty, like he hadn't spoken in years, and his throat itched. It never occurred to him to lie, he couldn't make up something on the spot like that, anyways. Negans leather jacket made a sound as Negan sat back in his chair. "This one was for when my old man discovered that my brother wasn't comin' back. He always used to come back, but this time, the old man whooped his ass a bit too much, and he couldn't take it, so he left." He shivered a bit, it wasn't exactly warm in the office, and talking about his old shit made him feel even more exposed. Negan kept staring at him, as though he was urging him to continue.

 

When Daryl didn't say anything more to elaborate, he spoke. "Take off the rest." Daryl felt more than exposed enough already. "C'mon man.." He shifted nervously, and somehow that was exactly what Negan wanted. He rose, and pounded Lucille on Carols photo on the desk, while smiling malevontly. Daryl swallowed, and removed his socks. Negan kept staring at him, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Daryl's jaw clenched, and he removed the last piece of clothing. He wouldn't beg. Whatever the fuck this maniac wanted, he'd fucking handle it.

 

Negan came close, looked him up and down, still smiling. "Hands on your back". Daryl bared his teeth. The cold had him shivering, he wanted to be done with it, whatever it may be. He put his hands calmly on his back, and only stared straight ahead of him. Negan grunted, he didn't know what for. It sounded like approval, but he wasn't sure. Negan reached for his belt, grabbed his walkie talkie. "Send the doc up, and Dwayne too. Tell him to bring me dinner". Only a few seconds went by before the answer came.  
"Yessir". Negan looked Daryl thoroughly up and down, he looked at Daryls crotch, and straight into his eyes with a smile that seemed to be genuine, like all the rest. It was terrifying. He had to visualise Glenns head, Abrahams head, Rick's face that showed him to be broken, not to be taken in by it and believe it.

 

Negan placed his hand on Daryls stomach, warm hand on the cold skin. "This seems empty", Negan said. "If you are a good boy", Negans hands slid slowly down from Daryls navel, and further down his treasure trail, "You might get to fill it with something". The splitsecond before Negans hand reached his crotch, there was a knock on the door. Daryl let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and Negans eyes glittered with amusement. "Come in, Doc."

 


	11. Good boy

The doctor left, after a thorough and far too intimate checkup as far as Daryl was concerned, and a few muttered words to Negan. Dwayne, the bald man from before, smiled at the sight of Daryls bare ass. He seemed amused, but not surprised. His dark skin was in contrast to the strikingly white t-shirt he was wearing, and his muscles bulged through it. Daryl didn't want to fight him, if he could avoid it. "What're you lookin' at?" He mumbled gruffly. Dwayne had delivered a large tray with various dishes, some cold some hot, and stood, awaiting his signal to leave. Daryl could smell warm tomato soup, with boiled eggs, something that looked like chili, half a bread cut up in slices with what looked like actual butter. There was a salad, and two giant cups of warm drinks, hot chocolate or coffee, or one of each,Daryl couldn't tell, and what looked like noodles and biscuits.

"Your sorry ass", Dwayne answered, as Daryls stomach growled. He didn't remember the last time he ate properly. "Dwayne", Negan called from his desk, "I have list of shit I need. Take a few guys and get it." He handed Dwayne a list of items, the only Daryl could read was broccoli. He was more confused now than he ever was. He was still shivering, the sun had started to set, and the room was growing more chilly by the minute. Dwayne left, and Daryl was left standing there, in front of Negan, hungry, cold and confused. It was starting to wear on him.

 

The fact that he was naked wasn't as terrifying as it had been the first hour, he was tired, and nothing bad had really happened. Just weird things, that confused him and scared him at first. He didn't think Negan would actually touch him, or rape him, or that he fancied him, he was starting to think this was another mindgame, something meant to break him, like Negan had broken Rick. He wanted to keep thinking about Rick, and his friends, to keep this warm lulling of rage in his gut keep him strong, but he couldn't. Thinking about Rick and that broken look in his eyes, just made him crack at the edges.

 

"Where were you just now, princess?" Negan stood in front of him, Daryl hadn't noticed him moving. "Sorry", Daryl muttered. He didn't know what he was even apologizing for. "Woah,you're fucking tired now, aren't ya?" Negan put his hand under Daryls chin, forcing him to connect, the prolonged eyecontact made Daryl uncomfortable but he didn't have the energy to look away. The slap was unexpected, it wasn't hard, but it woke him from his daze a little. "Speak when you're spoken to", Negan growled. "Yeah, I'm tired". Some of the fire stirred in him, Daryl could almost sense it, but he was so tired.

Negan smiled and grabbed him by the hair. "You've been a good boy since I came and got you, let's not fucking ruin it over such a rookie thing as not answering, right?" Daryl didn't want to move, everything was pain, the adrenaline rushes had worn him out completely. "I won't." He strained to push the words out. "Don't you collapse on me, boy, you have shit to do." Daryl opened his eyes, he didn't even notice that he'd been swaying. Negan scoffed. "You pussy. Fine, c'mere, princess, daddy'll hold yer hand." Negan let go of Daryls hair, and half-carried him towards the other door, Daryl stumbling alongside him.

 

The heat hit him like a wave. Comfortable heat, not extravagant, but it was warm, and he needed that so much. The last time he was warm he was in his house in Alexandria. He could feel a rasping sob in chest, he couldn't stand it, his friends, everyone. Would he ever seen them again? Would they even want to see him, after his punch caused Glenns death? He didn't know if he could ever go back to find out.

 

Negan closed the door behind them, after retrieving the tray of food. Daryl looked around, still in that half-daze. It was a bedroom, connected to a bathroom. The room was large, and in one end there was a section with curtains around it, from roof to ceiling. Large velvet curtains, really old school. The bedroom had a king sized four poster bed, a dresser, bedside tables, an ottoman, a couch and table, and an old tv. In the middle of the room there was a gas oven, heating up the room. Negan placed the tray on his table, and went to the bathroom, Daryl could hear him filling up a bathtub. It smelled of soap and food and clean sheets, and for a splitsecond he wondered if being bad really was the worst.

 

 

 


	12. Phoenix rising

Daryl was led to the bathtub, and stepped into it without any hesitation. He knew deep down this was a trap, a mind game, a set up of some sort, but he might as well enjoy it before it turned bad. He heard a zipper, and saw that Negan took off his jacket and scarf, laying it down near the ottoman. He switched on what seemed to be a cdplayer, something classical and calm, played out into the room. It wasn't loud, but it seemed like it drowned out the entire world, for Daryl. Negan placed Lucille within hands reach, and sat down on a low chair next to the corner of the tub. "Sit down, princess. Keep your shoulder above water, docs orders." Daryl sat down, with a small half-smile. "What?" Negan wondered, as he pushed the sleeves up on his white long-sleeved t-shirt. "I didn't think you'd take orders from anyone, 's all". Daryl couldn't hide his amusement. It felt weirdly comfortable and almost safe, the whole situation. The lights were naturally dimmed, it was warm, he felt lightheaded and almost drunk ,without having a single drop. "Watch it", Negans gravelly voice warned almost directly into his ear. Daryl somehow knew he was smiling. Who knew for how long, but for right now, he could deal with it.

The warm water made him sleepy, and he leaned back, almost falling asleep when he felt Negan start to wash him with a sponge. Softly, carefully, he washed Daryls torso. Rinsing off blood, guts, filth, sweat. Daryl was too relaxed to do anything about it, but he tensed up for sure. Maybe he'd been mistaken? Was Negan into him, like that, after all? Was that why he'd brought him home? Suddenly, he felt vulnerable again, the lightheadedness gone. Negan felt him tense, and washed his shoulders gently, carefully, as softly as a lover would. Daryl kept staring at the bathroom tiles. They seemed old, but they still had that new shine. Daryl remembered once as a kid, he had been in someones house, looking for Merle, and their tiles was this white, this pristine. He'd sat there, touching them gingerly, out of wonder, when he realised he'd left smudges. Merle had beaten him after, for almost leaving fingerprints. Not like his dad would have though. 

Negan washed Daryls upper arms slowly, going over old wounds and scars, while Daryl sat docile, and as Negan washed the arm furthest away, they were almost cheek to cheek. Daryl found it suddenly hard to breathe normally, he didn't know what got to him, but the slow, circular movements of Negan washing him was more than pleasant. Had he noted the same, slow smile twinkle in Negans eyes, maybe he'd think differently about it. Negans hot breath was on his cheek, Negans right hand was washing his chest, his torso, his thighs, back to his stomach again and moving in small, small circles from his navel downwards. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine someone else being so close, so gentle, so intimate. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend, if only for a second, that the beardstubbles that brushed ever so slightly against his own, was Ricks. He felt something move within. He wasn't sure if it was emotions or desire. But his body was responding to whatever that was, and the touch of Negans hand.

 The thought of Rick... that woke him, rattled him. Ricks eyes. At that very moment Negan spoke again, without stopping what he was doing. "You answer to me." Negans hands were almost at his crotch. "You provide for me." So close. Daryl had no idea what to do. He almost wanted him to reach it, to go all the way, and the thought made him sick to his stomach. "You belong to me", Negan said. "Right?"

 


	13. Seen

Daryl had tried to jump up, as Negan seemed to reach for his cock, and now Daryl stood back against the cold tiles, body dripping, and he had soaked Negan, and the entire bathroom in the process. Negan looked furious, but also pleased. Daryl couldn't decipher it. "Oh, fuck no. That does not fly with me. You are going to have get punished for that. Oh yes, you motherfucking will." Negan grabbed Lucille and turned to leave. "Please, don't!" Daryl grabbed his arm, and crouched, kneeling in the bathtub again, water still splashing. "I..I'm yours. I'm sorry" he forced out. Negan turned, slowly, almost triumphantly. He stared into Daryls eyes, standing over him as a monument to be worshipped. "You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me. Right?" Daryl looked down, swallowed, and gave in. "Right."

Negan put Lucille down, grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled Daryl up. They stood eye to eye, and Daryl feared what happened next. He felt like a beaten dog, the change from soft touches to violent blows was not exactly new to him. It was an old track he had run one too many times already, but you do what you have to to survive. Negan pulled him by the hair, out of the baththub, out of the bathroom, and threw Daryl on the bed. "You know, when I had my men scout on your camp, they all mentioned you. Every single one of them. They said things that made me curious." Negan took of the now wet longsleeved t-shirt. "I had to check you out for myself, from a distance, of course."

Daryl was trembling. Negan picked up a towel and wiped his chest off. He was muscular, even more so than the jacket suggested, and with a hairy chest, and a noticeable treasure trail. Daryl couldn't help but look, and when Negan tossed him the towel, he took it, and awkwardly wiped himself off. "I never imagined you being such a bitch. I did, however, imagine you as my bitch." Negan pulled off his belt. "It's like taming a wolf, not a lot of men can do that. You will learn, that I am a man who can do that." Daryl was speechless, and tried to think ahead of Negan. He didn't know how to answer. "I.." Smack! The slap was hard, and unforgiving. "You got me, and the bathroom all wet, and you will wipe it all down, before I dicipline you properly. Meanwhile, you listen." Daryl nodded.

"What I saw, when I came down to my men, and scouted you out, was someone who didn't fit in, someone out of place." Negan sat down, Lucille next to him. Daryl sat down on all fours, to wipe off the floor. "Now I see a man who is where he belongs", Negan mockingly continued. Daryl kept wiping. It was just washing the floor, it wasn't important. He needed to get back to the others, to Rick, and he had to stop freaking out for every little thing. A voice in the back of his head insisted these weren't little things, but he pushed it away. "But I also saw another thing". Daryl was done, and the bathroom looked undisturbed again. He placed the towel in the hamper, and stood uncertainly in the bathroom, vulnerable and exposed. Negan gestured for Daryl to sit at his feet. Daryl knelt in front of Negan with his hands in his lap, covering his crotch. "Do you know what I saw?" Daryl looked up at him. "No", he half whispered. Negan bent forward. "I saw the way you looked at Rick, when you thought no one could see it." He looked almost gleeful. "I saw the way your eyes shadowed over when you saw the way he looked at that blond chick. I saw you, in the forest." Daryl couldn't breathe. Negan took his belt, and placed it loosely around Daryls neck. "I saw everything". Negans eyes burned into his, and somewhere in him, there was a crack at his defenses.


	14. Dicipline

Negan held Daryl tightly with the belt-leash. Daryl could feel how very much at mercy he were. He felt so alone, and Negan was right – he never did fit in right. Out in the woods, sure, but once they got to Alexandria, he stuck out like a sore thumb, and everybody knew it. And how had Negan seen more than anyone else, seen what his friends didn't? Seen what Rick hadn't? He was starting to get dizzy, the belt was really tight around his neck. Negan was smiling in a way he hadn't seen before. Negan's eyes seemed to be a shade darker brown than it had before, closing on black, and it was a dark, dark grin.

Negan pulled him closer, he sat with legs spread wide and Daryl almost fell forwards into Negans crotch. He landed with his hands on Negans thighs, and his cheeks were a burning red. "You have a thing for Rick the prick, so you're definitely not straight. What are you?" Negan tightened the makeshift leash a little. Daryl couldn't help but claw at the belt, it was far too tight, making it hard to breathe. "What do you want?" Negan said, drawing Daryls face close to his. "All you have to do is ask nicely." Daryl was struggling to breathe, all he could get out was a strained. "..please...breathe". Negans eyes glittered with danger, and he held on for one more long moment, before he let the belt open wide. Daryl collapsed at Negans feet, while Negan smiled in a way that was full of that contradicting warmth and malice of his.

Negan stood up, dragging Daryl up on his feet with him. He removed the belt from Daryls throat, and touched the starting bruise with his thumb. "This is a good fucking look on you. Turn around." Daryl complied, he turned around and faced the bed. He was starting to realize how good, not to mention efficient, Negan was at this. And how extremely dangerous that made him. Negan pushed him forwards on the bed, and Daryl gritted his teeth not to swirl around. He had to take it, he had to endure whateverthefuck that son of a bitch wanted, so he could get out of here. He had to. Negan chuckled, and grabbed Daryls hips, thrusting towards his butt. Daryl could feel Negan through the fabric of the pants, he was definitely turned on. The hard outline of Negans cock rubbing against his butt affected Daryl himself as well. He could hate the man all he wanted, the body reacted to it all the same. "This is a good fucking look for you too", Negan mumbled, some of the madness from his voice gone, he sounded like he was more into it than even he wanted to be. Daryl pushed back, not much, just enough to tease a little bit. If sex was a way he could gain Negans trust, he had to use it.

Negan grabbed Daryls arms and pinned them to his back. "You want it already? Well, you don't call the fucking shots here, princess." Negan bound Daryls hands together with his belt, not too hard, Daryl could probably get out if he tried. "And besides, what fun is it to give it to you, when you want it? You haven't fucking earned it yet, hell, you haven't even begged". Negan sat down, pulling Daryl on top of him. Daryl sat awkwardly on Negans lap, and he could feel Negans member through the pants, throbbing. "You belong to me now, and if I want to pull your hair", Negan pulled Daryls head back, "or burn your nipples off", Negan let go of Daryls hair, letting his right hand slide over Daryls nipples and rest on Daryls treasure trail, -"or grab your fucking cock", Negans fingers slowly ran down from where they had been and towards Daryls now half-erect cock, "I will fucking do it. I own this cock now". Negan grabbed Daryls cock, and started jerking it, with soft, steady strokes. "Do you understand?" Daryl felt like shit, it felt so fucking good, and he didn't want it to stop. The shame and guilt mixed with pleasure, as he mumbled a weak 'yes'.

"Whose cock is this?" Negan asked, stroking faster, his other hand holding Daryl in his place. "Yours", Daryl half-moaned, without hesitation. He was lost to the sensation, he'd needed it for so long, for someone to touch him like that. "You answer to me", Negan purred in his ear, cock throbbing, "you provide for me", Negan started stroking faster, Daryl grunted in response, "You belong to me – right?" Negan ended in ahalf-whisper. "Yes", Daryl moaned. "Tell me again, you fucking slut, whose cock is this?" Daryl was so close, his entire body felt ready to explode. "Yours, please..." Negan kept going, slow this time, agonizingly changing pace. "Please what, princess, c'mon, ask and you shall receive." Daryl hated himself more for every word: "Please, don't stop".

 


	15. Good boy

Daryl exploded all over Negans hand, whimpering as he did so. "Good boy", Negan purred in his ear. He opened the knot holding Daryls hands together, and stuck out his hand. "Clean up after yourself, now". Daryl reached for a towel and Negan shook his head. "Oh,no. You can use your fucking tongue". Daryl felt a twitch in his cock, he was so dazed from Negans takeover he just went with it. There was a time for resistance, and a time for doing as you were fucking told and he knew which was which. He licked his cum off Negans hand, his cheeks burning red, and Negan chuckling. "Just like I imagined. What a good little bitch you are."

Daryl sat in front of Negan, on his knees. He was feeling the fatigue pretty heavily, and all he wanted, all he needed was some rest. "You missed a spot", Negan purred again, clearly pleased with Daryls compliance. He gently swiped a drop of Daryls cum from Daryls lips with his thumb, and licked it clean. Daryl gave a sound he didn't know where even came from, but damn him if it wasn't one of the sexiest things he had ever seen a man do.

"Well", Negan started. "You have behaved, somewhat. Which isn't really good enough. But, you did impress me when you did. I guess a reward is in order – after we've finished washing your hair." Daryl stood at Negans sign, and went into the now chilly bathwater. Goosebumps all over his body, and Negan noticed, filling it up with more hot water. "Kneel", Negan said, and pointed him closer to the showerhead. Daryl knelt, and as Negan let the hot water splash over him, he started to feel safe. Secure. His jump-at-the-first-sight-of-trouble-heart was calming, settling. Negans strong hands ran through his hair, rinsing it out. He hadn't had shampoo in his hair since Alexandria..shit. Alexandria. Negan massaged his head with shampoo, softly, and rinsed it just as gently, rinsing Daryls thoughts away with it. How could this man be so cruel, so vile, and so soft and warm at the same time?

Daryl leaned back, which seemed to surprise Negan a bit, untill he saw Daryls face. "Hey, there, princess, didn't we do this already? No sleeping in the tub." He got Daryl out and wiped him down. Daryl was half asleep, everything being too much, finally, even for him. He felt strong arms pick him up and carry him off.

*

Daryl woke confused in a dark room. The gas oven was no longer on, but the room was still warm. He lay still, realizing what had happened since the day before, the things he'd done and the things Negan had done to him. A small piece of him whispered about the things he wished Negan had done to him, but he pushed it away.

The steady breathing from across the room revealed that Negan weren't far away. Lucille in his lap, Negan slept in a chair, his feet on the ottoman. He had put on another long-sleeved t-shirt, Daryl noticed. Daryl snuck to the bathroom to empty his bladder. He felt the wound on his shoulder bleeding, and dabbed at it with a cloth drenched in cold water.

When he was done, he placed the cloth in the hamper, and went back into the bedroom. Negan had shifted a little, but was still asleep. I could kill him now, Daryl thought. Lucille is right there. But then, he'd have to get out of the entire compound undetected, and it would most definitely come with a punishment, and bite someone else in the ass. He couldn't take that risk. He looked at Negan, for a few seconds. He couldn't believe that asshole, he couldn't believe any of it. How the men dropped to their knees for him, how he ruthlessly murdered his friends to make a point. He couldn't believe himself either. But he couldn't let the thoughts fester. If he did that, this would end in so much death. There had been enough already. Daryl walked as silently as he could, and gently lifted Lucille off Negans lap, placing it next to Negans chair. He got one of the blankets from the bed, and carefully draped it over Negans sleeping frame. Daryl crept back into the bed, and promptly fell asleep. From the chair, a pair of brown eyes opened, and a smile grew in the darkness.

 


	16. Choices

Daryl slept for another twelve hours, moving very little in his sleep. It was dark when he woke again. He was alone in the room, and it was temperate, but the only lightsource came from under the door to the office. He could hear talking,so he assumed that's where Negan would be. He had no idea what time it was, all he knew it was dark, and he felt better, more rested than in awhile. His dick was hard, it had been awhile since he'd had morning wood, but he even though he wanted to, he couldn't bear the events of last night.

Not only had Negan taken him in his hands, and made him cum, but Daryl had enjoyed it - he had wanted more. Negan had forced him let go of the guard he always kept up, that chainlinkfence outside the brick wall he'd been building since he was a kid in a shitty situation. He'd let go, in more ways than one. He had trusted Rick, for the most part, but not the same way, he knew that Ricks kids came first, whatever their main goal was, that would override it. And that was fair. Negan just took charge and owned him, in such a way that even after seeing what he could do, he had let go.

Daryls hand moved lazily down between his legs while he was pondering. He was so vulnerable here, no allies, no real safety, no way out that didn't involve a lot of people dying. Unless Rick came and rescued him, he entertained the fantasy for a moment, the one where Rick came riding on his white horse, Glenn had talked about it around the campfire one night, how epic it had looked. His hand stopped, pain in the chest unbearable. He hadn't fully mourned the loss of his friends, and he couldn't, not now – people, dangerous, hostile people, so close they could hear him if he started crying.

He pinched his inner thigh so hard he knew it would bruise, breathing growing steadier as the fresh pain set in. He let go only when it went numb. Herepeated it a few times, gaining more and more control over his breathing and pushing all the feelings away.

He got up from the bed, as silently as he could, and went to the bathroom. He noted a pile of clean clothes on the ottoman as he came back. A note on top, read simply 'Wear this'. Negans handwriting was weird to see, Daryl didn't know why. Writing down things seemed to be a thing of the past, and he guessed it had something to do with how elegant and sleek Negans handwriting was,as well. It was unexpected, a side to Negan he hadn't seen coming. There was a lot they hadn't seen coming, Daryl thought, as he put on the grey t-shirt, sweater and sweatpants. Alongside it, there was a pair of clean socks, and a boxer he put on as well. He felt weird, out of place. His clothes weren't right, this furniture weren't right, this whole place wasn't right. He wasn't where he was supposed to be. He paced the room, anger filling him up. The frustration and fear bubbled and it was too much, all too much. He wanted nothing but scream and attack, but he couldn't. Who cared if he died, if no one cared before why would they now, after Glenn? That was on him and him alone. He paced into the bathroom, and in a rage punched the tiles above the bathtub, two tiles breaking, and a triangle piece fell with a pathetic plonk down into the bathtub. Shivering with rage he picked it up, and unrolled the sleeves of his new sweater. The sharp edge of the broken tile pressed into his underarm, and as the skin broke, and the droplets of blood started coming out, he let out a breath of relief. He did it again, and again, and again, till all his emotions were washed away with pain and blood. Overcome with fatigue, he crept back into bed, tile still in hand.

 


	17. Property

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are keeping up with the tag changes, I don't want anyone to read on if it's potentially harmful for you. Thanks for all the awesome comments so far,it really makes my day! <3

Daryl dreamt about faces, all the ones he'd lost, everyone in Alexandria, they yelled at him,mocked him. -"You've let us all down", dream-Rick, said, "I guess all you are is a follower, following whoevers in charge, or do you just follow the dick you want to ride? You disgust me." Dream-Rick towered over him and turned into Negan, smiling. "Do you know why you didn't kill me, you cumslut?" His grin grew wider than his face, floating over him like the moon in the sky. "You didn't want to kill me. Atleast not untill I've fucked you so hard you cry. Beg for it, bitch, beg." Dream-Negan laughed and Daryl woke to the same face hovering above him.

Daryl flinched visibly at the sight of the man standing over him, light shone from behind him, shadows distorting his face. Negan grabbed Daryls wrist and yanked, revealing the cuts on Daryls arm. "What in the fucking name of fucking shit is this?!" Negan roared at him. Daryl tried covering it up, and pulling away, he wasn't strong enough. "SPEAK WHEN YOU'RE SPOKEN TO!" Negan bellowed full force in Daryls face. Daryl cowered, unable to speak. "Whose bitch are you? Huh? Do we have to repeat who the fuck owns you?" "No", Daryl whimpered, letting out a half sob. Negan seemed to calm down some when Daryl spoke. "What. The. Fuck. Is this shit?" Negan growled.

Daryl shrugged. "Oh hell no, sunshine. That's not gonna fly, the fuck it is. Either you talk, and start talking right fucking now, or I will pull down your fucking pants and whoop your perfect little ass seven ways till Sunday!" Daryl blushed, and started trying to explain. "..'s just somethin' I do sometimes. When I'm stressed." He shrugged again, ashamed and embarrassed. Negan furrowed his brows. "For how long?" Daryl shrugged again. ".. 's long as I can remember, I guess." Negan grabbed Daryls jaw, and forced him to look up. "This ends now. This second, this is the last time you ever pull this shit." He straightened up, releasing Daryls jaw. Daryl couldn't help but miss the hard grasp that was so easy to succumb to.

"Take your goddamn pants off". Negan undid his belt, and curled it around his hand. The gruffness of his voice spoke volumes of his state of mind, but Daryl ignored it, he shook his head, he couldn't, not anymore. Not after those dreams. "Bitch", Negan growled, patience wearing real thin. "I wasn't fuckin' askin'." He dragged Daryl onto his lap, held his left hand on Daryls neck to hold him down, and Daryl wanted to struggle, he did, but Negan held him down with adrenaline and rage. He pulled down Daryls new pants, and boxers, down to Daryls knees. He placed his hand firmly on Daryls buttcheeks, and looked at Daryl, their eyes meeting briefly in the awkward position. "The next time you need a release, you ask me for it. I own this ass now", he stated, grabbing Daryls buttcheeks to underline it. "I own this fucking arm you fucked up, I fucking O-W-N you! Do you understand me, boy?"

  


_"Do you understand me, boy? The hell did I just say? Get me a fucking beer,and go fetch your brother!" Daryls dad sat, already drunk by breakfast, -or still drunk-, in front of the tv. His filthy shirt, the giant, stupid ashtray next to the chair, light flickering over him from a dying lightbulb. Daryl opened the fridge, and brought his dad the beer, before narrowly evading a smack to the face. He opened the few doors there was to open in their small shitty shack, in search of Merle._

  


SMACK! Negans belt hit his buttcheeks and the sting of it half woke him up.

  


_Smack! His fathers belt unleashing hell on his back, wounds that wouldn't heal for three whole weeks. "Did I not tell you to get the fuck out and find that good for nothing brother of yours? Don't you fucking come back untill he's with ya!" Daryl wanted to tell his father that Merle was in prison, but what good would it do? He took it. "Enough with them tears,boy, no son of mine was raised a pussy!"_

 

SMACK! Negans belt hit his buttcheeks again, Negan growling this time. "Speak when you're fucking spoken to". Daryl croaked, "I'm sorry, I don't...I .." Negans growl grew to a roar. "Did I fucking stutter? Who fucking owns you?" Daryl shrunk under the mans yelling, his body language shifting. "You", he whispered, "you do." Negan pulled Daryls hair and head back so far he thought his neck would snap. "That's right, you epic shitforbrains. You're mine." Negan paused, his rage seemingly on hold for a moment. "That means you just vandalized my property." "I'm sorry", Daryl guessed, more than answered. Negans smirk came back. "Good guess, fuckwit." Daryls buttcheeks stung from the beltlashes, but it hadn't been too many, so it was more a nuisance than anything.

Negan started caressing Daryls butt,occasionally squeezing it, and while he spoke, softly, he started spanking Daryl in a steady pace. "You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me. R.." "Yes", Daryl breathed. As the strokes hit him, the pain inside was driven away, he could feel his body, but his heart was locked away – at the same time it was more open and vulnerable than it had ever been. Negan kept spanking him, alternating between buttcheeks to get them both a glowing red. Daryl had started crying, the hunger, fatigue, flashbacks, shame - it was too much to keep inside. Negan spoke softly, in that low voice that resonated through Daryls chest. "I hope you've learned your lesson. If you ever need this kind of release again, you ask me. You tell me that you're stressed, tired, in pain. Do you understand?" "Yes", Daryl got out between sobs. The shame was overwhelming. He'd not cried in front of anyone in years. Negan kept smacking and rubbing Daryls rear, with steadily slower intervals. He seemed to drag it out, and Daryl suddenly understood why. He needed to cry, he needed to break open. Negan was giving him the outlet he needed. He couldn't stop crying, he felt sick to his stomach with shame, but his entire frame shook with each sob, untill he was shivering silently with exhaustion. Negan said nothing, for a long long time, but kept rubbing his buttcheeks gently.

"You are mine. I own you. Do you understand?" Daryl nodded, unable to speak. He felt a wet finger put pressure in a place no one else had ever touched. "Do you?" Negan half-whispered, "I'd think that my first fucking rule would have stuck by now." The finger pressed it's way into the entrance, and Daryl let out a massive moan. "Yes! Yes, I understand!" Negan saw the panicked look on Daryls face, and his eyes glittered with that dark humour you just couldn't anticipate. "I'm not gonna fuck your ass tonight, you broken little thing, don't you worry." He smiled, so genuinely, before he added "Atleast not a lot". Daryl moaned and pressed backwards towards the finger, his body already trembling. "If I didn't know any better, I'd have you pegged as a virgin". He started moving his finger slowly in and out of Daryl and smiled again, "But from the way you move, you're such a wanton little whore, you must've been the most popular cockslut in the entire state."

Daryl was lost in the land between pain and pleasure, and when Negan repositioned him on the bed, reaching around to help him get off, he couldn't stop himself. "Please.. " Negan smirked. "I thought I was pleasing you, you greedy thing." Daryl pushed back on Negans finger, his senses exploding. "I'm going to ..please .. please fuck me!" Daryl cried out as Negan slowly eased in another finger. Negan groaned in response, clearly not unaffected. "Come for me,bitch." Daryl obeyed.

 


	18. Comfort

Daryl, still on the bed, was rolled over, semen still dripping from him. Negan smirked. "You've bled on my sheets, and gotten cum all over them in one night. Best clean up some of it." He moved elegantly, held on to Daryls dick, still semi-hard, and started licking him clean, starting with his stomach. Negan moved his lips around Daryls stomach, kissing and licking up each drop, Daryl moaning and trembling as he moved around.

Finally, after what seemed like for-fucking-ever, Negans tongue started licking Daryls cock clean, throbbing so hard it almost hurt. Daryl panted, all he wanted was to feel Negans mouth around him, and Negan knew that. He pinned Daryls hands to the mattress, and swirled his tongue around Daryls dick. Negan stopped at the sight of precum glistening on the tip. "How do you expect me to clean you, if you can't stop being so filthy?" Daryl knew he was teasing, but still a wave of shame washed over him. Negan chuckled, the sound planting itself deep within Daryl, burning like embers. He arched his back, wanting to get closer to Negan, wanting more, utterly at his mercy. Negan answered by placing the tip of his tongue on the precumcovered part of Daryls cock. Agonizingly slow he licked the precum away. Daryl was going insane. It felt like his entire body was about to explode, and then Negan moved, his scruffy beardstubbles touching Daryls skin as his lips enveloped Daryls cock, he took all of it, inch by inch, and Daryl moaned louder than he ever had.

Negan let go of Daryls hands, and slurped greedily, both too much engulfed in the pleasure to care about anything else. Daryl clawed at the sheets. "I'm gonna.." he started. Negans lips left his cock the second before Daryl came, the cum landing in his face, drops glittering in his beard and on his lips, splattered like silver rain.

Daryl froze. "I'm sorry,I.." Negan looked so hot with cum all over, his cock hardened again. "Clean me", he growled. Daryl moved close, heart pounding, this felt more intimate than all the things that had happened so far. He licked the droplets in the beard,he licked the cum off Negans cheek, so incredibly aware of Negans powerful presence. Only a drop was left on Negans lips, and Daryl felt himself blush as he licked it off. So close, he thought, and looked right into Negans eyes.

Negan lost the little control he had left, kissing Daryl like there was no tomorrow – and for them, there might not be. Daryl moaned into Negans mouth, their tongues intertwining and playing, and Negan moaned back. Daryl pulled at Negans shirt, running his fingers through Negans chesthair. Negan bit Daryls neck, a move of pure dominance, and the sound Daryl made seemed to tip him over the edge. Negan opened his pants, pulling out his hard cock, and he found a small jar of lube in the nightstand. "I was gonna wait till you healed, but I can't seem to fucking keep my cock down around you", he growled, starting with a finger in Daryls ass, quickly expanding to two. Daryls breathing was quick, he was nervous as hell. "I've never..uh.." Negan smiled. "I figured as much." Daryl felt the tip of Negans cock press on the entrance of his ass, and automatically clenched, red and vulnerable and flustered. "Please, don't.." Daryl whispered, he wasn't ready – truth be told, he wasn't ready for any of this. Negan seemed to ponder it, he bent down, took Daryls dick in his mouth again and as Daryl arched towards him,Negan fingered his ass, two fingers stretching and widening, fucking him knuckle-deep. "Please.." Negan teased with his cock on the entrance, precum glistening on the tip of him. "Beg for it." He grinned. The shadows made him seem like something out of a story, a magnificent primal being. The dream-Negan seemed more real than the other Negan. Daryl drifted away on a wave of lust and submission. "Please fuck me, please, please,please.." He kept whimpering as Negans cock entered him, filled him up, slowly, and the excruciating pain made him clench. Negans warm hand started jerking Daryl off, slowly, and gently, gently, he started to move.

It was as though the nightsky, the stars, the universe exploded in him, pain and pleasure expertly dealt to him, and all he had to do was take it. He felt like he had never been so at one with the universe, everything was starbursts and glory and he almost couldn't breathe from it all.

Negan watched the man lose the rest of resistance and self control, and felt some of his own disappear as well, he moved quicker, but steady,moaning "I...own..you", between movements, and when Daryl came without any control or warning, he couldn't help himself, releasing his entire cock in Daryl. Every last inch throbbing deep in Daryls ass, he pumped till he couldn't hold back anymore and pulled out to Daryls apparent despair. Negan got him into a doggy position, and fucked him so hard Daryl cried out. Negan roared, and Daryl could feel Negan come, emptying every last drop into him.

They collapsed on the bed, sweaty and panting. Negan pulled covers over them, and held Daryl from behind in a calming embrace. Daryl felt his hot breath in his ear, and Negan whispered: "I've wanted to do that since I first fucking saw you". Daryl blushed. They had lain intertwined and slept for half an hour when suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Negan, there's trouble!"

 


	19. Troubled thoughts

Negan got up out of bed, and got dressed quickly. If Dwight had any comments about Daryl in Negans bed, or of them being intertwined and naked, he kept them to himself, which seemed a wise choice indeed. Daryl still didn't like for it to be known. At the door, Negan looked back, his demeanor changed completely.

"You stay here, you are not to leave this room unless walkers threaten to gnaw down these doors, d'you understand me? There's a tray with food, and you eat up, every last bit." Daryl wanted to object, and Negan saw it. "But, I.." In three short strides, Negan had returned to him, holding him around the throat, before stroking his cheek. "Who owns you, bitch?" Daryl wished he didn't already miss him, he wanted to crawl back in bed with him forever. "You do." Daryl nuzzled Negans hand shyly. A dark twinkle told him Negan was pleased. "Stay. Eat. Do you understand?" Daryl nodded. "Yes." Negan smiled. "Good boy." Negan left quickly, throwing on clothes as he went, and Dwight left one second later, after a judging look thrown Daryls way.

Daryl went to the bathroom, washed a little, and rinsed his wounds. He was sore, and tired, but he felt lighter than in awhile, and lighter than he probably should. He got back into the bedroom, got dressed, while inadvertedly listening for whatever the trouble consisted of, but relaxed as he couldn't hear anything. A tray filled with various were on the table Negan had pointed to before. A scribbled note had fallen to the floor, and Daryl picked it up. The list was mostly what was on the tray, and a hasty scribble at the end that Daryl couldn't decipher. He recognized Negans handwriting, and put it in his pocket without thinking more about it. Maybe it was weird, but having something of Negans close, felt safe. As an afterthought he found the note from before and put it in his pocket as well.

There were a couple of oranges, broccoli, a few beat up bananas - where in the hell had he gotten a hold of those, and in the fall? And a leg and half a breast of chicken, with a hard boiled egg at the side, with a slice of bread, with actual butter. Daryl sat down, awkwardly, he still didn't feel at ease without his normal clothes or his weapons, but he moved the tray to the bed, and started eating. After he'd finished the fruit, he felt full, but he finished the tray, and sat it back on the table. It felt like forever since Negan had left the room, and he felt couped up. A small while passed and his thoughts started churning. Was the trouble walkers? Humans? Could it be Rick? He didn't think so, but got a pang of guilt and what he had to admit to himself was something more complicated.

Would Rick come for him? Would any of them? He assumed, if they were coming, a quick attack, before Negan expected it would be wise, but they didn't have the manpower, and the Hilltop sure as shit didn't have it, Daryl huffed to himself. Those twats with spears seemed useless in a fight. He had to ask himself again – would they come? First, he had to admit to himself that though they'd maybe want to, it would be tactically unwise, to say the least. But if they wanted to, and if they did, it wouldn't be Rick. Rick was broken, like when Lori died, but this time ..it seemed to have struck deeper. Maggie was sick, she was the obvious one to come, but she had a baby to worry about, and hell, after what he did to provoke Negan, she wouldn't come to his rescue, anyways, she would come for revenge.

Daryl felt a twinge of worry, both for Maggie, and he didn't want to admit it to himself, for Negan. If they came for him, would Negan let him go? Not fucking likely. But if he did, would he even want to go? He had to think hard about that one. Of course he did, of course, but.. Would that mean not seeing Negan ever again? Would that mean never feeling that good, or that free, ever again? If they came for him, if they won, would they let Negan live? Daryl didn't think so, and it hurt.

His heart was pounding. He knew it was crazy, but a part of him wanted to stay. When Negan had held Daryl, untill they fell asleep, Negan had stroked his stomach and chest, in a very non-sexual way. It had been calming and he had felt so safe. The small kisses they'd shared. It couldn't just be headgames, or about getting a piece of ass. It couldn't. No one could be that calculating, that cruel. His subconscious asked, oh really? If anyone could be, it would be him.

Finally, Daryl allowed himself to think, really think, about Glenn, about Abraham, about Denise. He curled up in bed and wept himself to sleep, for his lost friends, and for betraying them all, not only with his body, but with his heart.

 


	20. Trouble

Dwight opened the door, quietly, crossbow at the ready. Daryl turned towards him from his position in the bed. He rolled off the bed and down to floor just as Dwight fired the crossbow. Dwight struggled to place another arrow in the crossbow, and Daryl attacked, his fists pounding down on Dwight, all his rage thrusting through to the surface. He was pretty sure Dwight had gotten a broken nose, maybe a broken jaw. Dwight stopped resisting, and Daryl snarled. The first thing he did was retrieve the crossbow and wasted arrow, and then he snarled, he wrung off his sweater and ripped his vest off of Dwight. The snarl he hadn't worn for so long came back, the rage that fueled him. He left Dwight behind, entering Negans office, where his pants, belt and and other things still was on the chair. He left his boxer and socks, but changed into his own clothes, and felt a comfort creep back into his bones. He felt like himself again. The anguish was still there, but now it didn't matter. He had to get out of here. Had to find Negan, or else he would do something he could never take back. He had a feeling Negan wouldn't treat him quite so nicely if he killed one of his men.

Dwight jumped him from behind, and they tumbled for awhile, exchanging blows, untill Daryl stood over Dwight, snarling, crossbow in hand. "I should have killed you out there." Dwight laughed, a short bark, reminding Daryl of hyenas he had seen on the nature channel. "Yeah, you shoulda. But then you wouldn't be getting all that dick from the boss, would ya?" Daryl kept snarling, a throaty warning, his body language so tense he could feel the stitches on his shoulder hurting. "And you looooved that dick, didn't you? We heard you through the walls, moaning like a little bitch." Daryl growled, shame washing over him, mixing with the anger. The sneer on Dwights face suddenly made sense. He was jealous.

Daryl answered,jealousy growing in him as well, voice throaty and gravelly. "Yeah, I fucking loved it, and so did he. He fucking loved my tight ass. Not my fault your ass is too fucking ugly to fuck." Dwight threw himself at Daryl, but was stopped mid-air by a fist, and fell back down.

"Jesus fucking christ, what in the everloving fuck is this shit? I clear up one catfight and I come back to another?" Negan looked pissed, but at the same time, there was a twinkle to his eyes that wasn't missed by Daryl. "Get the fuck up offa the floor, you dumb shit. And you, give me the fucking crossbow." Daryl lowered the crossbow and gave it meekly to Negan, without breaking his snarl to Dwight. Negan looked at them both, with both surprise and amusement in his eyes, but there was not a trace of it in his voice. "Kneel for me, both of you. Daryl, c'mere." Daryl knelt down, eyes down, and he felt Negans hand resting on his cheek, before he got a slap that made his ears ring. "Sit back up, Daryl." Negans voice growled. "You attacked my third in command, that shit is not to be taken ligthly around here." He kept slapping Daryl, untill Daryls lip broke. "I ain't apologizing", Daryl growled. Negan smirked. "Well, fuck me, the shock – the shock is gonna kill me." His eyes turned cold. "Dwight, foot." He tapped his knee. Dwight stumbled over, and knelt, adoration and fear very open in his face. "You attacked my property. You tried to take something that is mine", Negan snarled, the icecold fury open on his. "I'm so sorry, Negan, I.." Negan grabbed Lucille when Dwight put his hand on Negans knee, but when Dwight saw that,he hastily removed it again. Daryl didn't realize, but he bared his teeth and made a sound close to what a dog would make. Negan stared at Daryl, his face inscrutable. "Dwight. This is your punishment", Negan said, placing his hands softly on Daryls cheeks, and pulling him close in a gentle, soft kiss. They kept kissing, and nibbling eachothers lips for a good while, small moans of pleasure escaping them both, and Daryl lost all of time and space, all that existed were those beautiful brown eyes, that salt and pepper beard, and those soft lips. Finally they broke for air, and Negan kissed him once more on the lips, so exquisitely gentle.

Dwights jealousy was so obvious, his face was a study in open hatred and hurt. "Do you understand?" Negan said, forcing Dwight to make eyecontact with him. As his head tilted up, a tear ran down his scarred face. "Yes. Sir". Dwight tried to make his voice sound cold, but he did not succeed, if he wasn't on the brink of weeping, Daryl would be very surprised. "Good. And another thing. Breathe so much as one word of this, to anyone, anyfuckingone at fucking all, and I swear to all that is, was, and has ever been fucking holy, that Lucille will make minced meat out of every limb in your body, starting from the bottom and going up. Do I make myself fucking clear?" Negans face let all the fury show, and Dwights tears rolled incontrollably now. Daryl felt uncomfortable being a witness, but he felt more uncomfortable with the man staying alive.

"Dwight, get the fuck out. And don't let me see you for the next fucking week, unless it's a fucking emergency. And I mean an actual emergency, not like the fucking shit you pulled me away for this time. Do I make myself fucking clear?" "Yes", Dwight answered, he was shaking, small sobs escaping him as he ran out.

"And you", Negan sighed, running his fingers exasperated, as he turned to Daryl. "What in the name of fuck am I gonna do with you?"

 


	21. You

Daryl cleared his throat. "How ..how much of that did you hear?" His face flushed. He didn't really want to acknowledge why it bothered him so much, but both Dwights jealousy and the fact that he'd said 'we heard' made him uncomfortable. Not nearly as uncomfortable as Negans stare did right now, though. Negan didn't answer, just kept looking at him, taking in the clothes in, and the small change in attitude.

Daryl swallowed, very aware in the light of day what they'd actually done, very embarrassed, and his stomach was fluttering in a way that freaked him out. He'd had the same feeling around Rick for awhile, but this? This was intense. He looked down. "You changed your clothes", Negan said quietly. Trying to decipher his face, Daryl looked up at him, through his shield of bangs. "Yeah, I was gonna try to find you, 'cuz that prick attacked me". He looked apologetic. ".. 's just more me, y'know?"

Negan nodded. "I was gonna have it washed, so you should change back", he said quietly –but there was no mistaking that 'should' meant 'do it the fuck now', and picked up the sweatpants he'd found for Daryl. As he did, the two notes fell out of the pocket. "What's this?" Negan queried, as Daryl blushed crimson. Negan read the notes, and looked over at Daryl. "Why do you have these in your pocket?" Daryl shrugged. "Dunno." Negan smirked, it wasn't unfriendly. "You're smitten, huh? I guess I have that fucking effect on people." Daryls face turned a even deeper shade of red. "I get it. I was your first. And I'll probably be your last." He looked so fucking smug, Daryl was almost waiting for something ugly to come out of this. "But you gotta admit", Negan continued, still with that smirk on his face, "it's pretty fucking messed up."

Daryl cleared his throat, and tried to change the subject. "He said 'we'." Negan didn't miss the attempt of diversion. "So he did. How can you still be shy when I filled your tight little ass with my cock just hours ago?" Daryl didn't answer right away, but nuzzled Negans hand, that rested on his cheek. "Dunno", he replied eventually. "Tell me,princess. What happens in that broken little head of yours, that makes you keep a shopping list, and a note that says 'wear me'?" There was laughter in his voice. Daryl looked up, and his throaty response made Negans jeans tighten, and he ran his fingers through Daryls hair.   
"You wrote 'em."

 

  
  


 


	22. 'We'

 

 

Negan was quiet for a long time, pondering something. Abruptly, he got up, and dropped the notes on the floor. "Get changed". His voice was forcefully cold. Daryl did as he was told, changing, while Negan paced. "Right before you admitted to loving my cock up your perfect little ass, Dwight said 'we' heard. Now, more likely than not, he was bullshitting. But if he wasn't, it's probably Dwayne who was with him. This could be a massive fucking problem. Fuck!" Daryl flinched as Negan punched the desk.

Daryl silently picked up the notes, and put them back in his pocket. Negan saw, from the corner of his eye, and went to him in quick strides. Negan pinned Daryl to the wall, kissing him with a ferocity that felt like hunger. "No matter what fucking comes next, remember this. You answer to me." The intense brown eyes bore into Daryls, and Daryl could swear he saw a flash pf pain in them. "Yes", he breathed. "You provide for me", Negan continued, the chant familiar, but for some reason it seemed more important now than before. "I do," Daryl answered, starting to fear where this was going. "You. Belong. To ME." Negan pushed through gritted teeth, the intensity making Daryl stomach flutter. "I belong to you", he answered, throat heavy with desire. He moved slightly forwards, stealing a soft kiss from Negans lips. Negan gave a slight moan before slamming him back into the wall. "You're fucking mine. Do not for a fucking second think that that fuckng means that I am yours."

The snarl, laced in emotions Daryl couldn't unravel, hurt. "I know." Daryls head dropped slightly, some of the light in his eyes faded away. Negan let his arms go, and picked up Daryls belt, the coldness in his face making him more statuesque. He fastened it wordlessly around Daryls neck, after making a hole in the belt that changed it into a makeshift collar and leash. "This is what you are to me. A bitch on a leash. You're not the first piece of ass I've had tethered to my fucking cock, and you won't be the last. So don't get any fucking ideas." Daryl nodded, tears burning in the back of his throat.

 

There was a knock at the door. "What!?" Negan shouted. Dwayne entered, blood covering most of his white tank top. "We've got a situation." Dwayne looked at Daryl, as though suggesting that he shouldn't hear this. "Well, I hope it's not a fucking emergency, cuz at this rate dinosaurs will come the fuck back and roam the fucking earth before you tell me what the fuck it is", Negan snarled. "Dwight is drunk again. Going around shouting that your new,uh," he looked at Daryl, "fucktoy-boyfriend is more important to you than your men, and that's why you sent out for a new supply run so quickly after so many died the last time. Some of the men are starting to get aggressive", he pointed to his shirt. Negans grimace of rage scared Daryl. "Get everyone in the courtyard in ten. Bring the bitch", he gestured to Daryl. "And I mean fucking everyone." The pure unadulterated rage on his face was the last thing Daryl saw before Dwayne took him by the belt-leash and led him out of the office.

 

Dwayne led him down the hall to the stairs, sending him small glances. "You ok?" He said, once they were out of earshot. Daryls look of surprise and scepticism wasn't lost on the large man. "Hey, we're not all horrible. You guys killed a lot of our friends, we -he- had to do something to make sure you know we weren't shitting around. Doesn't mean we don't get it." Daryl realised he was talking about his friends. "I'm alright." Dwayne looked at him, tugging slightly on the leash. "You don't look alright." Daryl blushed. "Yeah", Dwayne smirked. "I heard yall. Loud and clear. It didn't sound like you minded, much. Not that it woulda mattered much if you did mind." Daryl looked away and didn't answer. "Listen, I don't give a fuck if you love to ride the big boss dick, I really don't. But the fact that you're here, eating our food, using our bandages, our clothes, when you killed a shitload of us, isn't going over well with a lot of the rest of the guys, and this is a stick they can pin that on." Daryl kept still. "Just remember who you answer to, and it'll all go a lot smoother." Dwayne pressed on, insisting to be kind, for reasons Daryl didn't understand. He'd personally killed several of his men, friends, probably, and this guy was trying to be nice to him? Something wasn't right about this. People weren't nice. Not before, not now.

"C'mon", Dwayne tugged. "Best go face the music."

 


	23. In your face

Dwayne stopped and talked to people along the way, people ran from him with messages, to find everyone. Eventually they made it to the courtyard, Daryl following meekly. He took note of escape routes and how many men there were with guns, and how many guns there were, but it was hard to keep track with the sound of his own heartbeat thundering in his ears. "Kneel here", Dwayne said, and Daryl did. The cold asphalt gave him a chill through the thin sweatpants.

Dwight's jaw was clearly not broken, he was stumbling around on the asphalt too, shooting his mouth off. But when he saw Daryl something just snapped. "And here's the big mans new buttboy, fucking cumslut of the century!" Some of the men chuckled. "He's so needy for cock, he doesn't even give a shit that the cock he rides, killed two of his friends – what a great guy, eh?" Scattered laughs around, while Daryl seethed internally. The crowd had grown qute large, there were people all around them now, and there was nothing in sight that could help him as a weapon if something went wrong. Unless he managed to steal it off of someone.

"But here's the fucking kicker", Dwight roared after taking another swig. "I try to knock this little shit out", he pointed to Daryl, "and _I_ get punished. This guys asshole is more important than one of his men, someone who has protected him since this whole shit started. Must be some asshole,huh?" He got no response. Everyone was quiet. Too late, Dwight realized that everyone but him was kneeling. He swirled around, facing Negan, who stood at the top of the stairs, Lucille resting on his shoulder, and a winning smirk on his face.

"Well, it's not the worst I've had. Better than yours, that's for fucking sure." Dwight flushed. He clearly didn't expect Negan to be on the offensive, and come straight out about it. "What, cat got your tongue? You seem to have a lot to say, Dwight, so let's fucking hear it." Dwight took another swig. Daryl swallowed, the presence Negan had was intoxicating, he felt his heart racing. "You chose this asshole over me. You slapped him around a little, and.." Dwights voice faltered. Negan cocked an eyebrow. "What, you don't want to tell the guys why you're acting like such a bitch? Yeah, I slapped him around", Negan continued down the stairs, pointing Lucille at Dwight. "And then what did I do, I made you fucking jealous to prove a goddamn fucking point. The fact that you want to ride my fucking dick is common fucking knowledge, but if this is gonna be a fucking problem – you and I are gonna have a BIG fucking problem." Negan smirked as the men chuckled at his digs to Dwight. "Do you even fucking remember how you used to look? I've seen the way you flinch around hot irons. But you see, Dwight, it doesn't fucking help that you remember that, when you don't seem to remember who the fuck you answer to."

Negan stood right in front of Dwight now, Dwight to the right and a little in front of Daryl. Daryl noticed a gun stuck in the hem of Dwights jeans, and his chest tightened. He slowly moved to stand on the tip of his toes, while still appearing to be kneeling. "Why the fuck should I answer to some faggot who fucks the enemy?" Dwight spit, a study in pathetic jealousy. "You didn't seem to fucking mind the gay fucking quite so much when I popped your fucking cherry, Dwight. The fact that you're still gagging for more, out here yelling like a jealous little cunt says enough".  The men looked at Dwight, who faltered, and seemed to lose support everywhere he turned.

"It's about fucking loyalty, and you chose him. Him! Over me! He is still one of Ricks guys, he's never going to be loyal to you, not like me!" Dwight whined, now starting to cry. "You're clearly gonna make this a fucking problem, Dwight. I wish you wouldn't have." He pointed Lucille at Dwight. "Down on your fucking knees." Negan sighed, looking tired. "No", Dwight sobbed. "No. Fuck you, and your fucking shit, I am done!" He reached for the gun, and Daryl jumped with such speed and strength that Dwayne let the belt-leash go. He grabbed Dwight, and they tumbled, and a gunshot went off. Some of the women shrieked. The silence after was deafening.

 


	24. Feral

"Now that -that is fucking loyalty", Negan exclaimed gleefully, Lucille pointing at the pair on the ground. The gunshot had gone up into the air, no one reacting faster than Daryl who was pinning Dwight down by the throat with one hand, the other waiting for permission to punch him. Daryls knee resting on Dwights abdomen seemed to be quite painful. "Do you see, Dwight, how this one behaves? He doesn't even punch you, before I fucking say so." Daryls muscles bulged, he was snarling, a primal being filled by fury and fire.

Negan stared at them for a second, admiring how beautiful Daryl looked, and how very much in control he was. "See, people. I have a fucking problem here. Dwight has already one very serious offense on his record, and I'm not a man that likes second chances". Negan looked around, his genuine smile drawing everyone in. "Now, Dwight has been a good help for me – for a long time. But I can't have people sneaking into my quarters, trying to kill my latest fuck, just because they're jealous. I can't trust people like that. So what do I do?" He threw up his hands in mock-exasperation.

Daryl hadn't moved, nor had Dwight. He felt the rage radiating from the man holding him, the pure anger. Daryl wasn't Daryl anymore, he was feral, primal, all emotion, all fire. Everyone saw how quick he was, how strong, and what he had chosen to do. Negan let them think on it for a second, before continuing. "The thing about loyalty is that it can't be bought. Sure, I fucked Dwight once or twice, and he followed me around like a puppy. He stepped out of bounds once, and I kept him, mainly because he was a good worker. But, as you can see from this specimen, which hell, I've also fucked once or twice", he chuckled, "he does as he's told. Daryl, punch Dwight in the nose - once." Negan watched Daryl deliver a hefty blow to Dwights nose, the sound it made everyone sure that Dwights nose was broken.

"Daryl here has a history with our Dwight." Lucille pointed from one to the other. "Dwight set Daryl up in the woods once, stealing his bike and stuff, after Daryl tried to help him. Then Dwight shot his friend point blanc in the eye, and then he shot Daryl in the shoulder. So you see, this rage is not uncalled for." Negans eyes twinkled. "Not to say that Daryl hasn't got anything to answer for – he blew up a bunch of our people. He did. But Dwight made it personal. So what do I do?" Negan scratched his nose. "Daryl, come here." Daryl let go with a snarl, before he knelt down before Negan. "You need a punishment for sure. You've hit one of my closest men, broken his nose. Your punishment is.." Negan chuckled again. "Your punishment is that you get to choose Dwights punishment". Daryl looked up in surprise. "Now, I want you to think on it, really think. Whatever happens next decides a lot, I imagine, of your future here with us." Dwight whimpered from the ground. "You're gonna let him decide?" Negan roared, Lucille in Dwights face. "It's him or Lucille, you can make your fucking choice. You try to fuck with me, this is what fucking happens!" Dwight whimpered again, but didn't say anything else. Daryl looked at the pathetic heap on the ground with a sour taste in his mouth.

If he chose to kill Dwight, and every fibre of his body screamed for blood, he would have a lot more enemies than he already had. If he didn't kill him, he would be labeled as weak, and not to be listened to. Just hurting him would be a possibility, but that was costly in medicine, bandages and he could always get revenge later. Banishing him was the same as killing him. Daryl stood up and looked at Negan, asking with a hoarse voice. "Can I borrow her?" He nodded to Lucille. Negan smiled willingly, a glimpse of shock in his eyes that disappeared as soon as it came, before he handed over the bat. 

 


	25. Batter up

Dwight cowered in fear on the ground in front of him. "The way I see it", Daryl snarled, "I oughta killed you back in the day. And any man would understand me for bashing your head in." He didn't speak loudly, and as a result, everyone leaned in to hear him better. Negans eyes had a dangerous gleam, maybe caused by Dwights whimpering. The ones standing closer to him, stepped quietly further away. "But I ain't that guy. I was never that guy." Daryl tried to think quick what would make these guys be satisfied, and have him respected amongst them. He decided to attempt to emulate some of Negans way with people. He spoke again. "Your punishment is the fact that you're down on the ground, pissing yourself in fear, and I'm the guy holding the bat." Dwight backed up, as Daryl came closer, Lucille in hand, pointed directly at Dwights face.

"Your punishment is that for as long as you live, which probably isn't long, because you're such a whiny fucking asshole, you'll know that even though all that shit you said was true, he still fucking chose me over you. Even after all that shit you've been through together, and he still chose me." Daryl growled. "Think about that. Think about what that says about how shitty you are." A few of the men around them chuckled. "And last, your punishment is to know that if you fucking dare to cross me again, I will eat you for fucking supper, and if I have to tear your liver out with my teeth, I won't fucking hesitate to do it." Daryl snarled, and pushed Lucille into Dwights lips. "Kiss her, and apologize." Dwight, breathing unsteady, did what he was told after looking into Daryls eyes. While he whispered, -I'm sorry-, Daryl pulled the bat quickly away from Dwights face, causing his lower lip to tear open.Daryl swung the bat backwards, and stood as though he meant to hit Dwight, and the men started howling with laughter, as piss pooled down Dwights pants and sobs and gargles mixed with whimpers about blood and his lip.

Daryl scoffed, and returned Lucille to Negan, sharing a quick glance, before he knelt at Negans side. "Well, alright, I think we're about done here!" Negan shouted, smiling. "Or does anyone else have anything else to say about my extracurricular fucking activities?" The crowd was silent. "Good fucking choice", Negan smiled. "Get that loser to the medic, and Dwayne, bring this bitch to a cage." He pointed at one of the beautiful women in the crowd, who blushed at the attention. "You, bring me something to eat in my office." She immediately ran to the cafeteria to comply.

"Let's get you in a cell, c'mon." Daryl felt a tug on the belt-leash he had forgotten was there, and stood to walk. He tried to catch Negans eye as he went, but all he got was an aura of displeasure.

Daryl looked back as they went, but Negan did not turn. _Fuck_.

 


	26. Alone

Daryl sat alone on the bunk of his makeshift cell in the hall he'd walked through when coming in. From what he had explored, it was sturdy and there was not a lot to do about it, so he rested. His view from the corner of the bunk was the door, and the small flickers that signified people walking past his door.

 

Dwayne had left him with a look that had Daryl curious. It looked a lot like pity. Dwayne hadn't said anything the entire walk over, but when he closed the door, he said without looking back; "You were right, you know. You should've." Daryl was left to ponder it in relative peace and quiet. There was scarce inventory in the cell. The only things a bucket in the corner that he hoped he wouldn't have to use, and the bench he was sitting on.

Daryl felt abandoned. He felt the notes in his pocket, held them between his fingers, to make sure they were real. It wasn't make-believe. He hadn't imagined it. There was something there, something real. Messed up, yeah, but real.

He couldn't help but backtrack everything. Was he just a fuck? Something to break and play with? If he was, he had been easy. _Fuck!_ He kicked the bench in frustration. He had been so easy, when the fuck did he become like this? He needed his control back. He needed to rebuild the brickwall Negan had huffed and puffed and torn down in no time at all. He went around in thought spirals. Only days had passed since he got taken, only days since Glenn and Abraham.. They weren't thinking of him, they were patching themselves back up. Like they should. They weren't preparing for war, they were preparing to give Negan whateverthefuck he wanted.

Negan was mad at him for not doing the right thing, which was what – killing Dwight in front of everyone? He seemed mad. _Fuck!_

The cell was temperate, not so cold he was freezing, not so warm he could sleep. A few hours went by in silence, in deep thought. Daryl kept holding the notes between his fingers, tried to remember the kisses. The cuddling. The look in Negans eyes when he pinned him to the wall. That couldn't have been faked, not that growl, not that kiss. Daryl didn't buy it. No one was that skilled a liar.

_"It's like taming a wolf. Not a lot of men can do that.You will learn that I am a man who can do that."_

The memory seared through him. _Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck!_ His head was swimming in it's own darkness now. He tried lying down, holding the now crumpled notes in his hand. He couldn't help it, it was like being vulnerable with Negan, crying, had been opening something in him that hadn't been open for as long as he could remember. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn't sob, he didn't really cry out loud. The tears were the only evidence of emotion on his face. Daryl tried his best to close up again – and with his years of practice, he would be able to. It broke him a little more each time. Each time he closed up a little bit more of his heart, forever. He scratched at the cuts on his arm, they reopened, and the sting of it helped him breathe enough to eventually fall asleep.

*

Hours went by in the dark and silence. Suddenly the door opened, blinding him with the change of light. "And here's the little bitch now. Look at him. Are you crying, princess?" Negans rich voice said, full of glee. "Oh, and look. He is even holding notes I wrote. One is a shopping list, can you fucking believe it?" The men all laughed. "He kept it, he told me, get this, because I fucking wrote it." The men laughed again, Dwight loudly in the background. Someone mumbled, _shut up, Dwight_. Negan grinned again. "I broke the top two players, Daryl. I broke Rick – god,he was easy! And then there was you. And to think, all you needed was a little cock to be just as easy - hah, maybe I shoulda just fucked Rick, and saved me some time!" That dry, dragging laughter sent shivers down Daryls spine, his heart thundering away.

Negan stepped into the room, and used Lucille to point Daryls chin towards him. "Do you get it now, princess?" Negan smiled, and threw his hands up. "I win. I broke all your strongest players, and your side of the chessboard is starting to look kinda empty." Negan crouched down by the bunk, while Daryl pushed himself into the corner.

A treacherous tear rolled down Daryls cheek, but he refused to wipe it away. Negan looked at him with mock concern. "You didn't think we were going to be a thing, did you?" His face screwed up with fake surprise, glancing at the fresh blood on Daryls arm. "Oh, you did.. Well, that's a shame. I might still fuck you later, I mean, you were pretty tight, and pretty pussy isn't exactly an easy commodity to come by around here, if you know what I'm sayin'. Weeell, till then, chin up, you little shit. You've got a safe roof over your pretty little head, food in your stomach, and a delicious fucking cock to ride once in awhile. Not the worst piece of this apocalypse, fer sure!" Negan winked and chuckled.

The men chuckled as an echo, and as Negan waved them off with an 'all right, show's over,folks, get the fuck back to work'. He turned just as Daryl dropped the notes on the floor, the crumped notes looked like they had been read and straightened out a hundred times over. The door closed, the men walked on to their tasks.

Inside the newly found feelings that had allowed Daryl to be vulnerable and the budding feelings of something stronger than a crush, withered. Daryls heart broke, in a million pieces laced with guilt and abandonment.

And outside, leaning on the door, listening to Daryls excruciating sobs with an inscrutable face, was Negan.

  
  


 


	27. Eat up

"You gotta eat", Dwayne said. Daryl turned to the wall. "I ain't hungry." Dwayne sat the platter down on the bench next to him. "You haven't eaten in three days. Of course you're fucking hungry." Daryl didn't answer, but of course he was. Everything felt tainted. Everything felt horrible and shitty and he couldn't bear to eat anything. He knew himself, it'd be barfed up anyway, no point in eating it. "He's not even here, you know. He won't know that you're starving yourself, unless I say something." Daryl looked at Dwayne with that intense stare. "..'s that what you think I'm doing? Starving myself for attention?" Dwayne looked back, level stare. "Isn't it?"

Three days without anything else but the walls, and Dwayne who kept delivering two meals a day, checking the bandage of his gunshotwound if it needed changing. No Negan. No sound of him, word of him, sight of him. He was shut out. Ignored. Abandoned. He was being punished, or shut out, and he didn't know which one, and all his sins and all his guilt crushing in on him. He deserved it. He had this coming. He couldn't shake the feeling if he'd only hadn't liked what Negan did to him so much, everything would be alright. 

Dwayne sighed. "He might hurt one of us, you know. For not keeping you fed. Do you really want that?" He hit the right button, but Daryl refused to give in. "Ain't no use. Just gonna barf later". "For fucks sake, this is the end of days, and you're starving yourself over that asshole? For what, hurting your fucking feelings?" Daryl scoffed. Dwayne looked at him, annoyed. "You know, I'm trying to be nice to you. Decent. Ain't a lot of other guys in the Sanctuary that would. Maybe listening isn't the dumbest thing you can do?" He left the platter on the bench and stood up. "Listen, you pretty much wear your heart on your sleeve,right,you're that guy - but you gotta remember this – he doesn't. He can't." Daryl turned to look at him. "So what're you saying?" Dwayne, now looking away, smirked. "I'm saying eat. That's all I'm saying." He left Daryl with a churning sensation in his gut. Where was he? Was he with Rick and the others already? _Fuck. FUCK._ He needed to get out. He needed to make sure he was safe.

Even Daryl wasn't sure which 'he' he meant by that.

The only way he'd get out of this cell in one piece, was to get with the program. And the program said 'food'. He looked at the plate. It didn't look horrible, just a sandwich, no meat, but it looked healthy, nothing fishy about it. He opened it, just to be sure there wasn't a 'present' from someone who didn't like him in there, before taking a cautious bite.

 

*

Dwayne smiled outside of the door as he heard the empty plate being set down by the door. He continued down the hall,and went up the stairs, down the hall to Negans office and knocked. "What the fuck is it", came a slurred half-shout from inside. "It's me". "What do you want, Dwayne, fuck off". Negan sounded more than halfdrunk, and he rarely ever lost control like that. Rustle of papers told Dwayne he was at least close to the desk. "He's eating again. Just thought you'd want to know." Silence from within. "Anything else? I'm fuckin' busy." Dwayne smirked, hearing the relief in Negans voice. "He's got more cuts,now." Silence again. Then an explosive "I meant something of fucking importance, dipshit!" Dwayne smiled again, before going back downstairs.

*

 


	28. Crossing the line

Daryl woke up, a hand muffling his outcry, and a breath that smelled of whiskey on his cheek. "Shut up. Don't fucking say anything." Lucille was resting on the bench, the door almost closed, only a sliver of light entering the room. Daryl sat up, face too close to Negans. He felt his heart explode in warmth and flutters when he realized who it was. All he wanted to do was reach out, touch him, kiss him, hold him. And then he woke up for real, and it felt like someone poured ice water all over him.

Negan tried kissing him, but Daryl turned away. It hurt him, burned in his chest, but it was nothing compared to the longing that ached within. All he wanted was to brush those lips with his own, to grab those strong arms and get swept up in that hypnotizing man's grasp. "Don't forget who you answer to", Negan growled in his ear, strong arm holding around his throat, but not squeezing. Daryl made himself silent and unresponsive, and Negan started nibbling on his throat and shoulder, hand sliding up under Daryls sweater. Daryls body started responding, his breathing becoming heavier. His anger was fuelling up as well, and he grabbed Negans hands, spun around and threw him into the wall. Negans surprise blew over into rage and an intense need to throw Daryl around and just take him on the spot. They started kissing, roughly, violently, hungry for eachothers lips, no one backing down, grinding on each other, moaning under their breath and undressing eachother.

Daryl snarled and pinned Negan to the wall, devouring him with kisses, licking his neck and nibbling his earlobe. Negan moaned, no longer able to play the part of cool cucumber, got his hands lose, and turned Daryl over the bench, pulling off his sweatpants and boxers, guiding one of his legs to lean on the bench, and tilting slowly forward. Daryl grunted as he was moved, but he could start to feel the pain of his heart. "No", he said gruffly. Negan didn't stop, the strong smell of whiskey giving him a new edge of danger. He opened his zipper. Pulled off his belt. Bent Daryl forwards. "No", Daryl whispered.

Negan whipped his belt across Daryls buttocks, much harder than he had the last time. Daryl yelped in pain. Negan kept whipping, Daryl stopped whimpering after the first five hits. "You fucking outed me, in front of my fucking men". Negan growled, more than a little pissed, more than a little drunk. "What the fuck did you have to say all that shit for. Now not one of my fucking men trust me, they saw that you were saying what was true." Negan started pressing his cock towards Daryls sore ass, spit and precum the only lube. "No!" Daryl whimpered. Negan growled, and grabbed around, for Daryls cock. It betrayed him, hard from the kissing and nibbling. "You say no, as if you had a fucking choice. Don't fucking forget who's dick this is". Daryl couldn't move, the pleasure this entailed also felt wrong, he wanted to talk, he wanted to kiss, and hug and talk like fucking people did about shit.

Negan started moving slowly, lazily sliding his cock in and out of Daryl, while Daryls head combusted with the wrongness of it all. He wanted this, but ... he didn't want it like this. Not in anger. The hurt grew. But as Negans hands worked, and his cock pumped in him faster, Daryl lost himself in the pleasure, the pain only a bitter taste in his mouth. He panted as Negan embraced him as fully as he could, fucking him faster, harder, rougher. Negan bit on his shoulder, sometimes holding onto Daryls hips and fucking him hard.

"I'm gonna...Soon," Daryl gruffed, and Negan pulled out immediately, spinning Daryl around, sitting him down on the edge of the bench, kneeling in between Daryls thighs, and taking as much of Daryls cock in his mouth as he could. Daryl couldn't keep quiet, a loud moan escaped him, and he took a hold of Negans hair, pulling it down further on his dick, fucking his face, and almost exploding from the sight. Negan glanced up, before inching as far as he could down on Daryls cock. Daryl moved his hips and as Negan swirled his tongue on the most sensitive spots, he kept working it with his hands. "I'm gonna..." Daryl moaned, and pulled Negan even deeper on his cock, before sending his hot load into Negans mouth. Wave after wave of pleasure made him arch his back and empty each drop into Negans mouth before letting him back up.

Negan licked his lips before grabbing Daryl close and sharing a kiss that tasted salty and sweet at the same time. Daryl made to kneel, but Negan pushed him back. "Sit." He slowly jerked, steady pace, cock right in front of Daryls face. Daryl couldn't help it, he wanted more. He wanted to do the same, but Negan smirked. "Don't even think about it." Daryl wanted more, deeper, but sat restlessly on the bench, cock now fully erect again, glistening with precum. Negan became heavy lidded, hand moving faster, and as he grunted, the cum landed on Daryls open mouth and lips, some drops scattered around his face, some fell to his chest. Negan kissed Daryl, the taste of them both swirling together, and Negan reached to Daryls erection. Daryl was so close to orgasm, that when Negans hand touched his cock, he came all over, moaning into Negans mouth.

Negan smiled and picked up his scarf, cleaning himself off and Daryl. Daryl looked up at him, pleasure fading fom his system. "I had to. They were starting to murmur about what you said". Negan said, as the start of an apology. "No, you didn't." Daryls' voice was gruff, and wounded. Negan looked upset. "I did. They see you act as a leader, you say what you mean and you stand by it. You were fair, but cruel. You told them, you said, that even though Dwight and me have been through hell, you made me toss all of that away." Daryl grunted, as he put on his clothes again. "It was true." Negan started to become upset. "Yeah, it's true. I'd like to fuck you all night every night, and keep you in my fucking bed, but that ain't the way here." Negan closed in on Daryl. "You're a coward", Daryl stood, looking him dead in the eye.

Negans eyes narrowed. "Is that so". Daryl looked at him, the tremors of fear and rejection coming back. He couldn't stop standing his ground, even if he knew this was never going to end well. "Yeah. At least I have the balls to admit to shit." Daryl pulled the crumpled notes from his pocket. "Yeah?" Negan closed in on him, backing him into the wall. "Yeah", Daryl answered with a hoarse voice, not feeling so brave anymore, the anger fading to fear of rejection. "Then admit it." Negan didn't look him in the eyes, his breath was shaky. Daryl grabbed one of Negans wrists, and felt Negans pulse racing. "I almost took a bullet for you – didn't that say it all?" Negan met his eyes now, cautious, wary. "Say it", Negan breathed, lips almost on Daryls. Daryl swallowed, and put his heart on the line. "I'm yours." They melted together in a soft kiss, and neither noticed the figure in the doorway.

 


	29. Hit the road

Daryl felt different when he woke up. What had happened yesterday, had been messed up. He wished Negan had gone about things differently, but Daryl understood it now. Negan couldn't do it any other way. He stretched out on the bench. It had been messed up, but it was good as well. He'd said it, the things he felt, it was out there. In the old days he would never have said those words to anyone, and especially not a man. And especially not a man like Negan.

He wondered what Merle would have said, although he didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Merle would have given him grief over it, but ultimately they were brothers. That was everything that mattered in the end. Merle would have like Negan. The ruthlessness, the calculation, and the blunt force of him. Would he have liked to see them together? Definitely not. Kissing? Daryl let out a chuckle, still high on the kisses from last night.

 

A melancholy in his chest, when he realised that he was falling, hard, for the man that killed his friends. They'd spoken about it, last night. Spoken like lovers do, in a tight embrace, sometimes kissing. Negan had been sitting with his back against the wall on Daryls bench. Daryl was leaning on him, Negans arms holding him close. "I wish it didn't go down like it did", Negan murmured, into Daryls messy hair. Daryl didn't answer. "I wish...fuck, I wish it didn't happen. But I can't take it back." Remembering that the man you're falling for bashed two of your friends heads in with maniacal glee gave him a bad feeling, an anxiety-like stomach ache. Negan was silent, waiting for any response from Daryl. When one didn't come he continued, and it was clear that it was with a tremendous effort he managed to open up. "I'm sorry. I truly am." Daryl grunted. "I know." Negan looked at him with unexpected warmth, and kissed the back of Daryls head with a tenderness no one would have believed he was capable of.

 

The question was, what would they do on the road ahead. How could the Saviours and Alexandria coexist? How could they forgive Negan for what he had done, or look past it, so they could work together to keep alive? Maggie couldn't. Rosita couldn't. Sasha couldn't. He'd seen Carls rage, no way he could let go of it. Rick.. Rick was broken. And that was on Negan. How would they ever move past it?

They sat for awhile,not speaking, just holding eachother, fingers interlacing, occasionally sharing a series of small kisses. Daryl didn't know how long they sat there, but he fell asleep, head on Negans chest, while Negan stroked his hair. When he woke up, Negan wasn't there. They had agreed in the end that Negan was to go to Alexandria today, as planned, and Daryl would go with him. Maybe the group would step down after seeing that Daryl was fine. Maybe.. Daryl didn't want to think about it too hard, he knew the dream of them having a future together, in peace, was just that – a dream. But he didn't want to give it up just yet. He clutched the red scarf Negan had left behind and smelled it, falling back asleep with a rare smile on his lips.

  
  


*

Negan opened the celldoor, and Daryls heart swelled. Negan came carrying Lucille on his shoulder. "Time to strip, bitch". Negan smirked. Dwayne was in the background, holding Daryls old clothes. He seemed less than convinced of Negans brusque demeanor but he didn't say anything, he merely delivered Daryls clothes, and stood waiting by the door, staring into the air.

"We're going on a road trip, gotta look sharp!" Negan exclaimed. Daryl didn't smile, but it shone from his eyes how thrilled he was. Negan paced the room, trying to not to drool openly. Daryl got undressed quickly, too happy to be bothered by Dwayne's side-eye glances. He pulled on his familiar attire, the vest last, and there was a definite shift in his posture. He was comfortable in these clothes. He knew how to move in these clothes. He felt better, stronger. Dwayne picked up the sweatpants and sweater, but Daryl tugged the pants back, with a gruff "Hold on". He flushed slightly, a tinge of pink decorating his cheeks, as he found the notes in his pantspocket, and put them in the pocket of the pants he was wearing.

Dwayne chuckled, but tried to disguise it in a cough. Negans slow smile turned into that grin of pure lust, when Daryl picked up the scarf Negan left behind and tied it around his neck. He struggled with the knot, shoulder still giving him some grief, and so Negan stepped closer to him. "Need help with that?" He said, voice heavy with desire. "Yeah", Daryl answered. They looked into eachothers eyes, as Negan gave Daryl Lucille, and reached behind his neck to tie the scarf. Almost nose to nose, they existed only in their bubble, exchanging promises with their eyes that couldn't be said out loud. It only took a few seconds, but Daryl had to restrain himself not to kiss Negan, no matter who was watching. "There you go", Negan breathed, trouble controlling his voice. "Thanks", Daryl answered, voice thicker than it had been in awhile. He handed Lucille back to Negan, their fingers brushing eachother slightly. Daryl blushed, his stomach turned into a whirlwind of butterflies. Negan smiled slowly, enjoying the obviousness of Daryls feelings. "Let's go!"

 


	30. Return to Alexandria

Negan didn't give Daryl his crossbow back, he had to keep him looking at least kind of like a captive, but he got a knife, and he started walking with that sleek strength he was known for. Negan couldn't take his eyes off Daryl, the way he carried himself, and the natural powerful aura that surrounded him. People turned after him as he walked by, so much that some of them were late to kneel for Negan. _Well, fuck me._ Negan couldn't help but grinning widely. Daryl walked like he owned the place, and everyone could see that he wasn't afraid of shit.

Daryl turned as they came to the cars, and saw the big grin on Negans face a few paces behind him. Negan turned to the half-circle of men by the cars. "So! Today we visit our pals in Alexandria and see what they've got for us. If they're smart about it, nobody gets hurt and we don't have to waste our supplies. Daryl rides with me, the rest of you take a truck and these two vans." Negan pointed Lucille behind him for emphasis. Daryl blushed at the thought of being alone in the car with Negan. "Oh yeah, what, are ya gonna stop for blowjobs?" A man Daryl didn't know who was, sneered. Negans eyes narrowed dangerously, with that dark glitter.

"Would it be a problem if I did? Last time I checked, your ass is mine, the shirt on your back is mine, and your goddamn fucking boots are mine, the food in your goddamn stomach is mine, your ugly ass sleeps under my roof, in one of my beds..." Negan sauntered towards the man, giving Lucille a twirl. "Are you asking to be relieved", Negan twirled Lucille again, "of your fucking service, you ungrateful little shit?" The man yelled, half nervous, half angry. "So what if I am? Maybe I didn't sign up to work for a faggot!" Negans smile grew, and he looked the man straight in the eye. "Alrighty then." Negan swung Lucille full force at the mans head, and the shock in his face was exchanged with blood. Negan kept hitting untill the mans head was mush, before taking the mans gun, and shoving it down the hem of his jeans. "Aaaany other questions?" The men stayed silent, and the others in the courtyard wasn't moving either. Daryl didn't know what to say, but the dark cloud that surrounded Negan and the sight of him swinging the bat, gave him problems. _M-Maggie.._ He didn't want to remember how Glenns last minutes had been, but everytime Negan swung that bat, he saw the details in his minds eye, guilt biting at him.

The men loaded up the cars, while Negan motioned for someone to remove the body. Negan spoke to them again before leaving. "Now, I may not have been fucking clear on this, but I didn't think I'd have to." The bat still in hand, dripping of blood. "Is there any one of you who _doesn't_ like their dick sucked?" A few of the guys, including Dwayne, chuckled. "Is there anyfuckingone of you who does _not_ enjoy sticking your dick in something warm and wet?" Most of the men smiled and chuckled now, he held them in his hypnotizing, piercing stare. "No?" Then why, he swung Lucille in a grand move, splattering the closest men with blood, "is this the second time this week somebody has an issue with were I stick mine?" Negans smile was gone now, he had the dark danger demeanor on, and the men noticed. "Stop. Being. Fucking. Pussies. Let's get down to fucking business." He held every mans stare for a few seconds, and one by one, they knelt for him. "Damn straight."

Daryl climbed into the passenger seat of the red truck, while Negan took the wheel. Negan swallowed, pushing down the emotions he'd had, the anger and frustration, and they drove off to Alexandria.

 


	31. On the road

The hum of the car was soothing. The roads out of the Sanctuary were peaceful, and few walkers were seen. Lucille was drying off on the floor, blood dripping, gathering in a small pool.

Daryl didn't say anything, he was conflicted. His heart was singing, he was on the way to Alexandria, he was in a car, alone with Negan, not having to pretend, or hide anything. But at the same time, he didn't know what was waiting for him in Alexandria. He didn't know what they'd do. Negan placed his hand on Daryls thigh for a short while. Daryl looked at him, silent, wondering how much he understood about his turmoil.

Leaves were covering the road, their trees standing naked amongst pines. The clouds were covering the sky, a light grey that reminded Daryl of the silver in Negans beard.

They came to an intersection, and slowed down. Negan opened his door and shouted to his people that came to a halt around his car. "Go scout each way, and we'll meet up here". The cars drove off, and Negan turned the key in the ignition, the hum of the car dying down.

Negan placed his hand on Daryls thigh again, close to Daryls hand. Daryl touched Negans thumb with his own, sweet touches in silence. Daryl moved his hand a little, fingers interlacing with Negans. He didn't let go. They sat for awhile, in silence, both looking out the car windows, holding hands. The fragility of the moment, their heartbeats in synch and the silence was everything.

*

"I don't know what happens next", Negan said, quietly. Daryl looked at him, not letting go. He squeezed Negans hand with his own. "This", Daryl said, voice heavy with emotion. "This is what happens next". Negan turned to him and smiled, the twinkle in his eye making it apparent that he was teasing. "Shit, you're smooth as fuck". Daryl smirked, and leaned closer. "Is that so". Negan smiled wider. "Fuck yeah". Their lips met, Negan held Daryl close and bit his lower lip playfully. They kissed for a long time, knowing that with what came next, it could be the last time they did.

 


	32. Alexandria

They rolled up in front of the gate, and Daryl was going to open the door. "Wait", Negan breathed, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. "Put it in your pocket. If something happens..." He didn't finish the sentence. A sincere, pained expression on Negans face, a new vulnerability in his eyes, made Daryl take it, without letting Negans eyes go for a long few seconds. He glanced at it. In sleek, beautiful handwriting a single word was written.

 

_Mine_

 

Daryl felt the butterflies in him swirl up a storm, and he instinctively pulled Negan close for a deep kiss. Negan froze, he didn't expect it, but melted into it. One of his men, Daryl suspected it was Dwayne, wolf-whistled. Daryl blushed, but whispered. "I am yours", in Negans ear. Negans jaw tightened. He opened the door, put his asshole-demeanor on, and grabbed Lucille. Daryl sat in the car, waiting, heart pounding.

Knock, knock, knock. Negan tapped the bars of the gate with Lucille, leaving a red mark, and a loud clanking noise. "Little pig, little pig", Negan smiled as he shouted in a sing-song voice, moving his hips in his signature suggestive way, "Let me in!"

The gate opened. Michonne was standing on the inside, alongside Rosita and Aaron. They looked aggressive yet submissive. No one really had anything to say, they opened the gate, and let Negan and his men in with their cars. Negan parked inside the gate, leaving room for the rest. The gate closed, and Negan stepped out of the car. "Well, well, well. Where's Prick? We need to talk." Negan said jokingly, Lucille down by his side. Michonne answered, voice with a kind of tremble. "He's in our church. We didn't expect you before tomorrow." Negan smiled. "You should know better than to think you can predict me by now." He winked. Carl was in the background, scowling. "Hey kid, go get your pops for me. Chop chop!" Carls lip curled, and then he turned and ran. Negan stood smiling, before he acted like he had forgotten something, and suddenly remembered. "Daryl! Heel, boy!" Negan patted his knee, and motioned for Daryl to come out of the car. 

Daryl swallowed. The conflict in him was massive. These were his friends. They had no idea ,but they might still blame him. He deserved to be broken, too. He knew that Negan did the same Rick and the others would have – protect their own. The guilt was his. But still.. He didn't want to kneel in front of them. He didn't want to let them see him like that. He didn't want them to lose hope. His hand immediately went to his pocket to touch the comforting notes. _Mine._ Daryl took a deep breath and left the car.

His friends stood quietly watching as he stepped out of the car. He didn't want to face them, not yet. He didn't want to see the guilt he already carried mirrored in their eyes. Negans eyes were cold, at least appearing to be. Daryl could see a warmth behind the shield, reserved for him and him alone. He walked the few steps from the car, and stood by Negan, who smiled. "Sit, bitch". Daryl swallowed. He had anticipated it, but it still hurt. His face burned, and he kept his eyes down when he knelt. "Good boy", Negan purred, and stroked his hair playfully. He felt a spark of happiness in spite of himself. The hand on his head made his heart sing. He sat quietly, calmed down by the gentle weight of Negans hand on his head.

"Daryl!" Ricks voice. _Rick._ A flourish of emotions fluttered through Daryl. Somehow he had forgotten the feeling that Rick gave him, the feelings he had pushed away so thoroughly. Now that he was open and vulnerable, the relief in Ricks voice was almost enough to make him rise and run to him. He wanted to embrace him, to tell him everything would be okay. He must've moved, because the fingers in his hair moved, holding him in his place. He could feel the possessive aura rolling off Negan in waves. Rick threw himself at Negans feet, and embraced Daryl. Daryl sat quietly, but feeling the man he had pined after for months so almost sobbing with relief and holding him was confusing at best. He looked up at Negan, who gave an almost unnoticeable nod. Daryl hugged Rick back. "I'm okay, Rick. I'm okay."

The darkness of the jealousy in Negans eyes may have looked like mere contempt to the others, but Daryl saw it. Daryl knew this could be a problem.

 


	33. Reunion

Negan let them hug it out. Daryl felt like a tornado of emotions. Rick was alright. Rick was hugging him. Rick was almost crying – for him. "All right, Prick, let's get on with business. You can smooch your boyfriend later." Daryl felt a sting of pain at Negans words, he seemed jealous, and he sounded like he was hinting at Rick. Why would he do that? Rick stood, the scruff of his beard rubbing on Daryls jaw. Daryl felt almost intoxicated. He wanted .. _Fuck._ He still wanted Rick. He still wanted to feel what it was like to kiss him. What it would be like to spend the night in his arms. He still wanted to be closer to him. _Fuck!_ He couldn't. Negan was there, watching, and from the dark in his eyes, he knew.

Negan.. Their whatever-it-was was confusing enough, and it had happened so fast. And being in Negans grasp had him hypnotized. It was almost like a trance. Rick stepped back out of Daryls embrace, and Daryl looked at Negan, pain evident on his face. The muscles in Negans jaw moved, and then a cruel glint in Negans eyes shone through. "You know what, Prick? I changed my mind - I think you should smooch your boyfriend right fucking now. A real big wet one." There was an underlying tone of anger in his voice. Rick looked at Daryl, then Negan, very confused.

"What? I .." Negan pointed at Rick with Lucille. "You", he waved at Rick, "Kiss", he mocked a smooching sound, "him", he pointed at Daryl. "I'm bored. Chop chop!" Rick looked as confused as Daryl felt, but it was nothing compared to how afraid he felt. To kiss Rick.. He didn't want it like this. But at the same time...he did want it. The feeling of accepting Ricks hand, and being pulled up into his strong arms, it made him tremble. His heart pounded. He was blushing, Rick was blushing. The others, and more had come to, were silently watching. Some of them may have suspected Daryls crush, he didn't know. "I'm sorry", Rick said to him, their eyes not really meeting. Daryl shook his head, he didn't trust his voice. He looked at Negan one more time, and he looked so vulnerable. So sad.

"No". Daryl spoke before Ricks face came close enough to lock lips with. Negan stopped swinging Lucille as a pendulum. "What do you mean no?" Negans dark eyes narrowing to slits. "I ain't doing it." Daryl stood up. He whispered to Negan. "I won't". Negan smiled, cold and untouchable. "But you will. I am ordering you to". Daryl tried whispering again. "Why?" Negan smiled darkly. "To prove a point". He pointed Lucille at Rick. "Chop chop, bitch."

Daryl almost couldn't breathe. What would happen to Rick if he kissed him? Or if he didn't? He went meekly to Rick, and met his eyes, they were confused, but at least not digusted, which was something. Daryl was confused, but was more afraid that his reaction would give him away. He wasn't ready for Rick to know he'd spent the last months following him with his heart aflutter.

Rick moved closer, after a look on Negan. He looked at Daryl, he looked down. Daryl thought he looked even more nervous than him. When they were so close Daryl felt Ricks hot breath on his own lips, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. As Ricks lips grazed his own, he felt sparks, fireworks, explode in him. The kiss was electric, soft, wet, tongues meeting. It was magical. A sound escaped him, he didn't even realize it. Rick kept kissing him, Ricks hands cupping his face, Ricks hands in his hair. They broke apart, as Negan started clapping. "What a lovely reunion." Daryl shook as he saw the pure hatred in Negans eyes as he looked at Rick.

 


	34. Trial

Daryl and Ricks eyes met. Rick looked confused still, but Daryl had a new clarity. He didn't have to wonder anymore. Kissing Rick was the confirmation he needed. He did love Rick. Like a friend? Always. Did he love him in a way where he wanted to be with him? He didn't know. Did he desire Rick, did he want to kiss him more, hold him, fuck him? Most certainly yes.

Negan smirked, and looked at Rick, looking after something no one else could know what was, but Daryl thought he understood. He was checking to see how Rick reacted. If it was mutual. If Rick felt something too. "While that was a good, hearty kiss, I was thinking something more along the lines of this.." Negan pulled Daryl close. Daryl drowned in the warm chocolate brown of his eyes, their lips melting perfectly together, Daryl melting into Negans body, growing weak at the knees. Negan whispered softly into Daryls ear "Mine", so softly no one else could hear, and Daryl responded with a moan that people definitely could hear. Their tongues, lips, a passionate frenzy. Negan let Daryl go after seemed like forever, chuckling softly.

  
  


Daryl felt like he had been set on fire, he didn't want to look anyone in the eye. He had a throbbing erection and didn't want anyone to notice. He felt humiliated, embarrassed beyond belief, and so conflicted he didn't know what was up or down. He fell to his knees, not knowing what else to do. The feelings were overwhelming him. Rick looked the same. Negan had been looking at them both, studying their reactions. "How about that. Blushing brides, the both of you. All right, people, playtime is over. Time to give me your shit". He swung Lucille back on his shoulder, all humour lost from his face.

The people of Alexandria stepped forward with crates of food and supplies, Negans men accepting and packing it up as they came forward. "Pricky, c'mere", Negan shouted after a while. Rick immediately went to him, as obedient as he could be. "So, Pricky, what did you think?" Rick seemed confused. "I..uh..." Negan smiled with that absurd joviality. "Come ooon", Negan teased. "He's a pretty good kisser, I mean, surely you have _one_ compliment for my new fucktoy?" Rick's head jerked up, along with several others nearby. "He has the sweetest tasting dick I've ever had – just like candy!" Negan continued, blowing a megawattsmile Ricks way. Daryl sat frozen, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. The shame punched him in the gut.

"Did...did he rape you?" Rick managed to get out, stumbling over to Daryl, finally realizing what the words may have meant. Rick forced Daryl to look at him, eyes overflowing with tears of shame, the answer as clear as day. "No", Daryl croaked, and Rick fell back as though punched, the look of disgust on his face plain as day. Negans laugh, dry and long, as he circled them made Daryl shiver.

"You see, Rick," Negan crouched by them and looked from one to the other, bloody bat still on his shoulder. "Daryl here, has had a crush on you for months. Oh yeah!" He nodded, making a mock surprised face, mimicking Ricks absolute shock. "Yeah, Daryl here has been lusting after those lips for a long time, and he's been such a good boy, I thought he deserved a treat! I mean, not all guys can take _all_ of me", he gestured with the bat, "but he just loves it!" Negan ruffled Daryls hair, as though he was a dog.

Rick sat, staring open-mouthed at Daryl, whose tears would not let up. Daryl didn't sob, he sat in pain, his stomach in knots. He'd just lost all his friends. They would never be able to look at him the same. He couldn't undo it, and he couldn't undo the feelings Negan stirred in him either. Maybe that's what Negan wanted - to get rid of any of the competition? Daryl didn't understand. Everything was pain.

The trucks were loaded up, and most of the people had left. Michonne was left, alongside Rosita and Aaron, and the only one with surpise on their face, was Rick. "Bitch, come here", Negan said, a few steps from the others, almost out of earshot. Daryl made no attempt to hide his tears. "It looks like you and Prick got something to talk about, so I'm gonna let you do that". Negan said dangerously low, his intense voice making Daryls chest long for more with every syllable. Daryl tried speaking, but lost his words. Finally he looked at Negan. "Why?" A multitude of questions blossomed behind that one word, but Negan understood just fine. He sat Lucille down, leaning on his legs, and wiped Daryls tears away with his thumbs, as gently as he could. Daryl grasped his hands and didn't want to let go. Negans features softened. "I don't want you to be mine out of necessity. Or manipulation or headgames. I want you to be mine – by choice. And you can't choose if you don't have all the options." Daryl didn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't.

Daryl started talking. "But.." Negan interrupted Daryl. "But you would never have kissed him by yourself. Ever. And I don't want you, if you've got that pulling you home. If you want to be mine, you'll be _all_ mine." He grabbed Daryls hair and snarled. "Don't for a second think I don't wanna bash Prick's brains in for touching you. You're _mine_ , and I know it. I need you to know it as well." Daryls tears kept streaking his cheeks. "I will come get you in three days, a.." Daryl exclaimed "You're leaving me?" His words reaching his friends, and they heard the anguish in his voice. Negan struggled to continue, face trying to hide his pain. "If you're here, when I come, you can come back with me – and I swear, I'll work on my relations with your group. If you're not here, I get it. Then you've chosen the prick." Jaw clenching again, Negan added. "Three days. Kiss him, fuck him, get him out of your system. And then I'll be back for you." Negan swallowed, resting his forehead on Daryls forehead, before kissing him softly. Daryl kissed back, tears landing in Negans beard. "Please don't go." Daryl whispered hoarsely. Negan smiled apologetically. "I gotta, sweetheart."

He stepped back, his demeanor changing back to the lovable psycho. "Alright, Alexandria! Yall have been most kind. I am very pleased. See you soon!" He climbed up in the truck, and they left. As the gate closed behind them, Daryl sank to his knees, body shaking in uncontrollable sobs.

  
  


 


	35. Day 0

The hum of the cars died down as they got further away. Daryl was left sobbing to himself in the street. Rosita and Michonne had taken Rick, and gotten him home to recover from the shock, and only Aaron was left behind. After a while Aaron sat down next to Daryl, he said nothing. He just sat in solidarity, while Daryl cried.

Sunset came, and Daryls tears dried up. Being left behind felt devastating. But that wasn't the only reason for his tears. Emotional exhaustion, Daryl wasn't used to being this vulnerable. And now his safe place, his safe person, had left him behind, while exposing him completely to people he considered friends, family. And they had left him, too. He was used to being left, but that didn't mean it stopped hurting. 

A chill in his bones set in, as exhaustion hit for real. Aaron guided him up, into his house and placed him in a warm bedroom, gently steered him onto the bed, and covered him with blankets. A small while later, he came in to a sleeping Daryl, and left the food on the nightstand.

*

"Will he be okay?" Hushed voices somewhere, woke Daryl up. It was dark outside. "I think so". Hushed voices from downstairs. "What happened to him?" A creak of a floorboard, he listened intently. "I think..I think Negan got to him. In a profound way." Aarons voice. "Do you think what he said was true?" Ricks voice. "Which part?" Ricks voice was uncertain, shivering. "Them having sex. Did he rape Daryl? I mean.. He can't have wanted it, can he?" Aarons hesitant voice. "I don't know. They may have. I don't mean any offense, Rick, but he broke you down within hours. Daryl has been there a week. Completely at his mercy, We have no idea what he's been through this week." Daryl stood motionless in the doorway, listening to them speaking downstairs.

A cough. "Is he gay?" Rick again, calmer now. Aaron, chuckling. "I don't think it's that cut and dry with Daryl. He's hard to pin down, you know? I think he just loves people, but I had him pegged as an asexual before this". Eric, interjecting in a mild voice. "He could still be asexual, though. There's a spectrum." Daryl could almost hear Aaron smile, this was a conversation the two had had before, that much was obvious.

Rick again, more insecure this time. "The part about..me. I mean.. what was that about?" Eric sighed. "I'll put on more tea, this is all you". Aaron cleared his throat, not sure about where to start. "I think it's true. But you never know with Daryl. And.. I think.. unless he brings it up, we don't mention it, and respect his boundaries." Daryl felt a warmth spread in his chest, grateful to Aaron for his loyalty.

Eric brought them more tea, Daryl could hear the clinks of the cups. "I think Negan really likes him", Aaron said quietly. "What do you mean?" Rick asked. "Well, I think it looked like he was trying to provoke you. See if you felt something for Daryl. Or see if he felt something for you. It might be just a mindgame to him, but, he honestly seemed jealous". Rick coughed into his tea. "Jealous? Then why would he make me kiss Daryl? If he was jealous, wouldn't he just make me avoid him?" Daryl went closer to the stairs. "Well, maybe, but if Daryl does have a crush on you, he might want to see if it's just that, or if it's going to get in the way, you know, of them." Rick sat his cup down, drops of tea splattering on the table. Daryl could see him from the staircase. "Them?!" Aaron wiped the table. "Well, yes. Didn't you see how gentle he was with Daryl? How he wiped his tears away? How softly he kissed him goodbye? Or that Daryl is wearing his scarf?" Rick put his head in his hands. "Yeah. Yeah I saw that."

Aaron tried to not be blunt, but didn't seem to find a better way to ask. "Rick, when he..when you kissed Daryl..it seemed like you weren't opposed to the idea? Am I right?" Rick ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, I've never kissed a guy before. It was ..different. But not bad". Rick laughed, slightly uncomfortable. "I didn't hate it". The men chuckled. Daryls heart thundered. He moved quickly back into the room he had slept in. _I didn't hate it._ Now what?

That question was answered after a few minutes. A knock on the door, and Rick opened it. "Daryl, you awake?" Daryl grunted in acknowledgement. "Yeah". Rick came in, scratching his cheek. "So, we should probably talk now, huh?" Daryl nodded. "Yeah."

 


	36. Night 0

Rick entered the bedroom. He hadn't even started talking before there was another knock. "Hey, uhm, me and Aaron are heading out to watchduty, just thought I'd let you know." A shout from the hallway made Eric roll his eyes. "You're about as subtle as a brick to the face, Eric – let's go. Rosita will skin us alive if we're late again". Eric smiled, closed the door and left.

Rick lit a fire in the fireplace, they didn't speak before the fire was well lit, and the heat spread throughout the room. Both postponing the conversation that had been forced on them.

"How is everyone doing now?" Daryl started, leaning on the bed, facing the fireplace. Rick sat down next down to him. "They're scared. Angry". Rick leaned his elbow on his knees, looking into the flames. "Maggie?" Daryl asked, scared to know the answer. "She's.. she's still at the Hilltop. It's safer, for her and...and the baby." Rick continued, voice strained. "She might lose it. The stress.." Ricks voice faltered. Daryl got quiet, there was not much he could say, and the guilt was near overpowering.

"Rosita?" Daryl asked after placing another log on the fire, and sitting back down. "She's mostly angry, you know. Like most of us. Grief and anger mixed into one." Daryl nodded. Rick tried not to make a grimace while asking, but couldn't hide it. "You..cried. When he left. Why?" Daryl swallowed, uncomfortable. "It's hard to explain." Rick made an angry face. "Yeah. He killed Glenn. He killed Abraham. And he..." Rick stopped, and tried calming down. "...why? Why did you cry?"

Daryl felt in his pocket. He took out the notes, and showed them to Rick, while holding them carefully. "He..changed me, Rick. Something changed". Rick looked at the notes, confused. "A grocery list, and this one, 'wear me' ? What is this?" Daryls throat closed for a moment. "These..he wrote 'em. This one", he pointed to the grocery list, "Is food that you should eat after losing a lotta blood". Daryl blushed. "This one", his thumb caressing the note gently, "Was on clean clothes that he got me, when mine were being washed". Rick stared at Daryls face, lost for words. "This one.." Daryl had to clear his throat to be able to say it. "He gave me this one, just before we got here. Just in case", he said. Rick saw the word 'mine' on it, and looked at Daryls face. The way he was defiant, but ashamed. Rick leaned back, considering what the hell must have happened. "I don't understand", he said finally. Daryl touched the notes, and braced himself for saying it, out loud. "He wrote 'em". Daryls hoarse voice was strained. "That's why I keep 'em."

They sat in silence, for a long time. The semi-darkness as the fire quieted, and the crackle of the flames was all that was. Daryl could feel the body heat from Rick next to him, although their bodies were not touching. He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.

Rick moved after a while, put another few logs on the fire. He sat down, working up the courage to ask, and finally landing on it. "Do you..do you love him?" Daryl chewed on it for a while. "I dunno. I've only felt like this once before". Rick realised what that might mean, and was stunned. "I.. Was he.." Rick struggled to find the words. "Was he right, about.. me?" He finally got out. Daryl didn't want to answer, it felt stupid, and he felt stupid. He kicked the floorboards with his heel, just a small movement of frustration over the entire thing, before leaning back, purposefully not looking at Rick. "Yeah."

 

Rick swallowed. "How long?" Daryls face flushed again, he didn't want to talk about this. He shrugged, then tried to think back and actually answer. Rick was his friend. He deserved answers. "Atlanta." Rick was in shock. Daryl noticed after a quick glance, and continued. "It wasn't like this the whole time. It kinda..grew." He vaguely finished off.

Rick was silent for a while, thinking back. All the times he'd noticed Daryl looking at him, the way he followed his lead almost without question. They were so close, and yet he'd missed this? How could he have missed this? "I had no idea", he said quietly. Daryl nodded. "You weren't s'posed to know." Rick looked at him, their eyes meeting properly for the first time since it happened. "Are you gay?" Daryl felt the flutters that used to be there whenever he had eyecontact with Rick, but they had a touch of melancholy over them. "I dunno. First time I felt like this, except, y'know." He shrugged. Rick considered this. "I guess it doesn't matter, really. Right? Bigger issues." He waved towards the window, meaning the world, the walkers, everything. Daryl nodded.

"So how was it?" Rick asked, a touch of humour in his voice, trying to lighten the mood. Daryl looked at him. "Am I as good of a kisser as you thought?" Rick nudged Daryl with his shoulder teasingly. Daryl blushed,but couldn't help smiling. "Fuck you." He nudged back. Rick smiled, the first since smile Daryl had seen since before Negan. "I'll take that as a yes." Daryl smiled. It felt comfortable. Scary, sure, but not like with Negan, where everything was adrenaline and heart racing.

"He gave me three days", Daryl said, quietly. The thought of Negan giving him a pull in his gut,a longing as strong as gravity's pull on the moon. "Three days?" Rick asked, his knee just barely touching Daryls. Their comfortable friendship seemed salvageable, if they really tried, in that moment. "Three days, to choose". Rick looked like he didn't understand. Daryl clenched his jaw. "He's making me choose between him, ..and you". Rick sat quietly, trying to understand how this could even be a choice.

 


	37. Real talk

"I don't understand. I really don't, Daryl." Rick grabbed Daryls knee for emphasis. "You've been with our group so long, I don't know what we'd do without you." Daryl nodded. "I get that. But I didn't mean the group. I meant you, Rick." Rick considered this. "He thinks I like you back?" Daryl nodded, a sudden shyness creeping over him. "That's what the kiss was about", Rick continued his train of thought. "First I kiss you, then he could see if I had feelings for you. Then he kisses you, to see if I react to that." Daryl nodded. "I guess."

Rick looked into the fire, face inscrutable. "Do you love me?" Daryl shrugged, heart skipping a beat. "Yeah, I mean.. you're my friend. I dunno". Rick kept looking ahead. "When we kissed.. How did it feel?" Daryl wasn't sure what to answer, but landed on the truth. "Fireworks". Rick nodded. "Yeah..." Daryl didn't know if he agreed, or just accepted his answer and didn't dare ask. "What happens if you choose him?" Rick looked at Daryl, seriously. "I dunno. He said he'd work on the relation with my group, with us". Rick was surprised. "Wow. He must really like you". Daryl blushed. "What if you choose ..us?" Rick, asked, seemingly unwilling to accept that 'us' was really him.

"I dunno. He didn't say". Rick nodded. "He doesn't seem like the guy that would handle rejection well", Rick said, placing another log on the fire, and removing his jacket. The room was comfortably warm by now, and Daryl looked at Ricks arms, the muscles, and veins, the way his hands looked. The warm fluttering feeling in his chest made him blush ever so slightly. Daryl was warm too, but the only thing really too warm to wear was Negans scarf, and he didn't want to take it off. It felt like a betrayal to even consider it.

"No. I really don't know what he'll do. He said he didn't want me, if I didn't get you out of my system." The choked up voice told Rick that if it wasn't love, it was something real close to it. Rick stoop up, abruptly, and left the room. He went downstairs, and Daryl could hear him rummaging through some cupboards. He came back with a bottle of vodka, sat down and opened it. Daryl looked at him in surprise, Rick hadn't been drunk around him all this time, so why now? Rick took a good chug, grimacing at the strong taste, and handing the bottle to Daryl. "What's this for?" Daryl asked, nodding at the bottle. Rick dragged his hand down his face in exasperation. "Fireworks", he answered.

Daryl's eyebrows shot up, and he slowly took a big gulp of the vodka, the burning in his throat absolutely of no concern to him. "Rick, I.." Daryl started, and Rick stopped him. "I don't know what's happened to you. I don't know how far you've gone..with him. But that kiss was..interesting. And life's too short to not try one more time, without an audience." Daryl didn't know what to say. Rick turned Daryls head towards his own. "Do you agree?" Daryl nodded, such a small movement Rick wasn't sure if it had happened at all.

He waited another second, but when Daryl didn't pull away, he moved closer. "If you don't want to.." Rick said, and Daryl moved closer, cautiously. Softly their lips met, kind of clumsy, kind of awkward, but there was definitely sparks. They kissed slowly, tongues playing and exploring. Rick licked Daryls lower lip and nibbled it gently. Daryls stomach kept fluttering with feelings, but he felt withdrawn, like he had to be careful, hold himself back to avoid being hurt.

Rick withdrew from the kiss. "Wow", he said, grabbing for the bottle. "I'm gonna need more of that". Daryl put the bottle away, out of his grasp. "You don't have to do this, Rick. I'm not gonna lie, that was..wow. But.." Daryl faltered, and Rick noticed how changed his face looked. How much more open and vulnerable he looked, how frail. How his eyes said 'please don't hurt me', like those of a lost puppy, but the steel survivor spirit shone through. Rick moved again, slowly making them both lie down, before he lay next to Daryl, leaning on his elbow before caressing his cheek and looking into his eyes. Daryls heart pounded, every touch seemed to set his hair on end. And as the flames in the fireplace roared behind them, Rick leaned in to kiss Daryl again.

 


	38. The road home

Negan was in a horrible mood. What the fuck was he thinking?! That little bitch would never come back to him, not as long as  Captain Pure of Heart was in the picture. He knew that shit. He fucking knew that shit. He ground his teeth. He didn't even want to admit to himself why he'd done it, although he had as good as said it straight to Daryls face. He wanted him. Not just to fuck, _but holy fucking fuck he wanted to fuck him again_ , but to keep. Maybe it wouldn't be a normal situation, but hell, what was anymore? The dead roamed the earth, there was no fucking thing as normal anymore. He tried distracting himself by turning on the CD-player in the car. A sappy alternative rock song came on. ' _I'm here without you, baby, but you're still on my lonely mind..' "_ Oh for fucks sake", Negan snarled, and turned the CD-player off again.

He followed the road to the second town before the compound, waving the others down. "Go home, I have something I gotta do." The men looked at eachother with confusion. Dwayne spoke up. "You need backup?" Negan looked sourly at him. "Would I have told you to go the fuck home if I needed fucking backup? Go the fuck home, all of you." Hesitantly, they left. Negan parked outside the local bar, grabbed Lucille, a messenger bag, and entered the bar. It reeked of the dead, and there was one slow walker in there. Ribs exposed, someone probably shot it in the chest, he assumed. "Hello, sweetheart." He swung the bat, and struck the head off in one go, the head rolling and landing under a chair in the corner.

The dusty interior of the bar was in semi-darkness as the windows were mostly boarded up. There were still bottles around, and he gathered up a whole bunch. Rum, whisky, vodka, Irish cream, he grabbed it all and put it in the bag. He looked around for a little while, but there was nothing else of importance in there. 

On the way out he noticed a walker, crawling towards him, wheezing and gargling. A flare of rage struck up in him and he ran towards it, and kicked the walker in the head, shattering its skull completely. He stomped on it untill it stopped moving. Negan looked around, rage still filling his body with a redhot fury that he seldom let out in full. He climbed into the car, turned the key, and put the CD-player back on. _Fucking fuckity fuck._

Darkness was falling, and he needed to get started home. He felt weary to the bone. This week had been a fucking rollercoaster, and he needed a break. The song played, and as he drove out of the city he saw another store that seemed interesting. _Fuck it._ He stopped the car, and went in, bag left in the car, Lucille resting on his shoulder.

 

*

He came out, bloodied bat after a lurking walker, a new bag filled with stuff slung over his shoulder, a small smirk on his lips. If that little bitch was waiting for him in three days, at least he would get a reward.

The smile faltered as he climbed into the car. _If.._ If. IF he was waiting at the gate. Fuck. What the hell would he do, if he came to the gate, and Daryl wasn't there? _Fuck._ He'd look like a fucker being stood up at a high school dance. He pulled out of the parking lot and drove towards the Sanctuary, a sinking feeling in his guts.

 


	39. Please, stop

"Rick, stop." Daryl breathed. They had been making out for a little while on the floor, in front of the fire, and Daryl felt dizzy with lust and guilt. Ricks hands stopped opening his pants. "What's wrong?" Rick was not unaffected by their kissing and touching, Daryl could see that, but he had to speak up. 

"I can't, I can't do this." Daryl sat back up. Rick sat back up too, clearly aroused. "I can't do it to him", Daryl whispered hoarsely. Rick looked grim for a second before straddling Daryl. He took Daryls arms and held them behind Daryls head in a tight grip. "You have had a crush on me for months. Right?" Daryl looked into Ricks eyes, wary. "Yeah." Ricks lips were so close to his own. "And you want me, I can feel that". Rick pressed his body against Daryls. "Yeah", Daryl answered, hoarser still. "So why are you stopping this?" Rick leaned down, licking, and sucking on the sensitive parts of Daryls neck, while moving his hips suggestively. "You told me he said you should get me out of your system, right?" Daryl was dizzy with lust. "Yeah." Rick kissed Daryl with such ferocity Daryl couldn't help but be swept up in it.

 

"Stop!" Daryl eventually got out, panting. Rick didn't let his arms go, but stopped kissing him. "What does he have, that I don't, huh?" Rick looked into Daryls eyes, and only now did Daryl see the anger in them. "What, I need to kill some more of our friends for you to want my cock in you now?" Daryl felt like he'd been slapped. "Rick, what the hell..?" Daryl tried getting loose, but couldn't. "You tell me, what the hell happened? When did you go from Daryl, to this bitch tied to Negans dick?" Rick spat with contempt. Daryl felt like he had been punched now. "If I want you back to protect the group, I gotta tie you to my dick right? That's how it works now? I can take one for the team if I need to." Rick had obviously had more to drink than Daryl had registered. Daryl couldn't speak. He felt so utterly betrayed, he had no idea how to even begin to compose a sentence. Rick had lost it.

 

"Tell me", growled Rick. "How long from he took you, till he had his hands on your dick? How long before he had his dick in you? While we here, were working as hard as we could to find stuff for him, the guy who killed two of our best friends, you were fucking him, being lovesick for him? How long before you kissed him? How long before you were _his_?" Rick spat in his face in rage, as he shouted each sentence. He grabbed the notes from Daryls pocket and threw them onto the fire, and as the last one spun around, Daryl could see _yours_ written on one of them. He hadn't seen that before. "No!" Daryl pounced, reaching his hand into the flames to get it out, but he was too late. The piece of paper was devoured by the flames. Rick stumbled away. "Pathetic. I don't even know who you are anymore." Tears in his eyes, Daryl looked at his friends face. "You didn't know who I was before", he replied quietly.

 

"You should go back to him. Tonight, even. I don't want you around me and my family any longer than I have to. We might be getting Maggie back tomorrow, and hell if I want her to see this shit." Daryl grit his teeth and nodded. "I'll go." He got up, and pushed himself past Rick, who was standing in the doorway. "Coward", Rick spat after him. That was too much for Daryl, who spun around and pushed him up against the wall, arm pressed against Ricks throat. Daryl snarled. "I'm not a fucking coward. You have no fucking idea what it's like there. What he's like." Rick spat back. "He got you special food, clean clothes and treats you like his fucking girlfriend – while we're starving! Did you think where he got that food, huh? A place like ours, no doubt!" Daryl let go. "This was a mistake. I'll grab my shit and go." Rick sank, anger turning into grief, as Daryl ran down the stairs, and out the door, armed with only a small knife he grabbed from the kitchen.

 


	40. Trek

"You can't just leave, Daryl – I thought you'd stay – atleast for a few days?" Aaron pleaded with him on the wall. "Rick told me to get out, so I'm out. Open the gate!" He paced with the ferocity of a wild animal in a cage. Aaron grabbed his arms. "I don't know what happened, but if you're going back, atleast take a bike, and a real weapon. Don't go like this." He finally managed to get eyecontact with Daryl, who calmed some, and nodded. "Rick won't like that I'll take supplies", he growled. Aaron looked at him deadpan. "Rick can go fuck himself. I am not sending you out like that". Daryl was too angry to smile, but he felt a warmth from Aarons continuing loyalty.

 

"You're my friend. I don't know what happened to you this week, but I know this", Aaron said, as he gave Daryl a good hunters knife, and a gun, in exchange for his kitchen knife. "You're a good man. One of the few left. And..You see something in him none of us do, none of us can see. And that.. -he- clearly means something to you." Daryl caught his eye. He could see this subject was something Aaron had grown strong from himself. He never talked about his life before everything turned, but it was clear, he'd had some struggles. "And I trust your judgement. Wait here, I'll get you the spare bike." Daryl nodded, too grateful for words.

 

Eric came down from the wall to say goodbye, and Daryl appreciated it. "You're always welcome with us. No matter what the others say." Eric looked down. "I don't get it, but I get it.You know?" Daryl nodded. He got an awkward hug, before Eric climbed back up.

 

Aaron came back, rolling the motorcycle, sporting a cut on his lip, and a bloody knuckle. "What happened?" Daryl asked, although he had a guess. "Oh, Rick had some objections to me giving you the bike. So my fist objected with his nose, and he's sleeping it off on our couch." Daryl was surprised, he didn't think the loyalty was that deep. He'd clearly underestimated their friendship.  "Thanks", he started, but Aaron waved him off. "We're friends. That's what friends do. And friends clobber you in the nose when you need to, as I'll no doubt have to explain to Rick in the morning". He smiled. Daryl looked at him for a few seconds, and gave him a quick hug. "Thanks,man."

Before Aaron let him go, he clearly felt he had to say something. "Rick hasn't been himself all week. I don't know if he's..all there, anymore." Daryl nodded. He understood that while it wasn't meant to strike out what Rick had said or done, it was meant as an explanation to soften the blow some. Eric opened the gate at Aarons signal, and Daryl started the bike. He looked over his shoulder, saying a mental goodbye to Alexandria and its inhabitants.

 

*

 

Negan paced his office, he wanted to drink himself into a stupor, but he had to keep up appearances, he couldn't lose control, not over this. He didn't want to admit to himself that perhaps that train had already sailed. If he came to Alexandria and Daryl wasn't there at the gate waiting for him, he'd look like an idiot – or worse, a lovesick idiot. _Fuck_. But he'd said, wait, so what if Daryl did wait, and he didn't show? _Double fuck._

 

Whatever the fuck he did, he was screwed. He'd fucked himself in the ass, and that was it. He'd have to fix it. Be smarter, be prepared. He grabbed his jacket and Lucille and ran down the stairs, walked calm and controlled through the compound. Stopping by the supply closet and pantry, he bagged some food, a blanket, and binoculars.

 

As the confused, but awake, guard at the gate was informed, he'd be back 'when he was back'. He felt like he was too late already. He drove fast, ignoring the blaring songs on the stereo, ignoring the walkers at the side of the road that seemed to rustle into life as the hum of the car came closer. The darkness outside seemed to mirror the darkness within him. He'd wanted to let Daryl get a chance, he'd wanted to let him see that maybe he and Rick weren't so different. That shit wasn't as black and white as it seemed to be. But no one seemed to get it. He shouldn't have expected Daryl to. "FUCK!" He roared, hitting the wheel in frustration.

 

 

 


	41. There is a crack in everything

"Should you have given him the spare?" Eric asked softly as they saw Daryl disappear in the distance. "Fuck Rick. Daryl has saved my life and yours too many times not to." Eric grabbed his arm. "Not that. The leak, remember?" Realisation dawned on Aarons face. "Fuck". The kept staring into the distance, feeling helpless.

 

*

Negan tried breathing calmly, his heart racing. _Fuck._ He didn't want to wait. He didn't want to sit in a gooddamn treehouse for three fucking days pining like some little bitch, but the hell was he supposed to do? He couldn't go if Daryl wasn't there, he'd lose face. He didn't want to _not_ go, in case that stupid bitch actually _did_ choose him. He'd never see him again if he didn't show. Why the fuck had he gone home in the first place, he should've just stayed behind. He kept on grumbling to himself, trying not to open the can of worms that contained his feelings. He couldn't get Daryls heartbroken look out of his mind as he left him, sobbing on the sidewalk of Alexandria.

 

The miles ran by far too slowly, and he realized the car didn't have a full tank, as it should. No one had refilled it. He'd get to Alexandria, sure, a ways back, but not all the way home. _Fuck!_ He mumbled to himself, furious for not checking, furious at whomever was on duty for refilling his car. Everyone knew, Negans truck was to be full at all times. "You fucking dumbass lovesick horny moronic son of a bitch", Negan muttered to himself. "You're gonna get killed over a piece of ass". _A fine piece of ass, though. "_ You survive the dead that walk the earth, bombs and what-the-hell else, but that piece of ass is gonna get ya killed. Fuck's sake". He gave a tired chuckle, and sped up the car.

 

 

*

 

Daryl felt there was something wrong, and after a while, he could smell it. The bike had a fucking gas leak. He was in the middle of nowhere, and the bike was dying on him. _Fuck._

  
  


 


	42. ..that's how the light gets in

 

Daryl gave up on the bike after a while. He sat in neatly on the side of the road, making a mental note to get it later, and fix it – if he could. He could hear the walkers gathering behind him, and he started running. He was tired, but he had to keep going to find somewhere to rest. And soon. He hadn't even thought about what Negan would say if he came back sooner than planned. If he would let him in at all. Or what he would say to Daryl kissing Rick, or to what Rick had said to him. Or how he should ask about the message he hadn't seen on his note.  _Yours..._ He couldn't concentrate on that, he had to shake it off, or he'd fall, he'd stumble, he'd get caught by the walkers. He had to keep moving. As he ran along and tried not to think too much on the crowd he drew behind him, a big rumble came across the sky, and rain started pouring down on him.

 

*

 

Negan kept looking at his fuel gauge. It dropped steadily, but he could still get there and a good way back. He could of course try to get fuel from Alexandria, but he'd rather not face off with them alone. Lucille or no Lucille, his strength was in numbers more than anything – sure, he'd broken a few key players, if this was chess, he'd have the queen and both knights, but any pawn could become a queen, and a couple of the people in Pricks crew certainly had the attitude to try. That kid was made of steel, that was for sure. 

 

Thunder started rumbling, a flash of lightning, and rain came pouring down, as dark an abysmal as his mood was, he couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, me too", he said to the sky. He passed the Saviours outpost, a small house they had barricaded up good, in use for rest on runs, and touched the break a little. The house was dark, the fence seemed fine. As Negan drove on, he made a mental note to stop there, and check it there was emergency gas he could use to get home in there.

 

A few minutes passed, and Negan, lost in thoughts on how to get home, could barely make out something in the distance, the rain clouding his view. A gathering of walkers. Agitated walkers. A good twenty to thirty of them. A figure was on top on a overturned car, trying not to fall down into the frenzied moving sea of hands. "Fuck", Negan breathed. The amount of walkers would make this messy and hard, and the rain to boot.. Normally he would have kept driving, alone without his men this would be too risky. But something had stirred in him, something that he couldn't control. And then the light hit the figure. _Daryl!_

 


	43. Shelter

"Motherfucking cockshit son of a bitch!" Negan punched the wheel in frustration. He had to be smart about this. Of course Daryl could just jump from the car to the back of the truck, but in the rain he was almost certain that he'd be injured, or worse, with the bunch of rotters around the car being whipped up into a tizzy.

The figure on the car, now bathed in light, stood statue-like upon the car, walker-hands stretching against him like he was their Messiah. Negan's breath hitched, he felt an overwhelming surge of emotion gathering in his chest at the sight of the ragged man. He _had to_ be smart about this. Both their lives was at stake.

He swerved the car around, pointing at the safe house he passed not too long ago, put on his gloves, and grabbed Lucille. He hadn't brought a gun, he hadn't been smart about this at all. Well, he thought, this is what I get for thinking with the smaller head. He took a deep breath, stepped out of the running truck, and shouted. "Over here, you cocksucking pieces of shit!"

 

*

 

Daryl froze when the car came close, and felt his heart fall when it turned around. He was frozen from the rain, his muscles hurt, everything hurt, he had been up there for a good thirty minutes already when the car showed up. The car stopped, and out stepped a figure swinging a bat on his shoulder and a spring in his step, and Daryls heart soared. "Over here, you cocksucking pieces of shit!" The relief Daryl felt hearing Negans voice, made his knees almost buckle. He watched Negan draw five walkers his way, and bash their brains in, one after the other, their skulls shattering, their rotting corpses collapsing to the ground in a heap. Some of the others turned towards the sound, and Daryl quickly shot a few of them through the head. Negan worked himself towards the area where Daryl was, bashing in skull after skull, and there was still a steady stream of walkers coming after the sound towards them, so when Negan managed to end the last few on their side of the upturned car, he reached out a hand to Daryl. "Come on, princess", he blew a dazzling smile Daryls way. Daryl accepted his hand, and jumped down, into Negans safe embrace. Negan pulled him close for a second and whispered, "I missed ya", before they ran to the car, and took off.

 

 


	44. Safehouse

The drive to the Saviour outpost was short, and awkward. They were both out of breath, and suddenly shy in the darkness and silence. "Gotta stop here, hope there's gas, or we're pretty fucked", Negan said, with his biggest I-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world-smile. "Run outta gas?" Daryl said, his voice sending shivers through Negans spine. "Yeah. Fucking stupid, I didn't check before I left." Daryl looked at him, still wary and unsure of himself. "Why?" He asked quietly.

 

Negan didn't answer, but nodded to the safehouse. "We're here". He pulled up, grabbed the bag from the back, and as an afterthought, grabbed the two other bags, left from his little outing earlier in the day. Daryl grabbed two of the bags, swung them over his shoulder and they went inside the fence. Negan opened the door for Daryl, and looked at him with a smile that had a thousand promises. "After you, princess." Daryl blushed, only a few hours after seeing him last, and he felt like he'd never kissed him, never held him, never licked cum off his face, never seen him naked. He cleared his throat, trying to think about something else, and sat down the bags. Negan closed the door, pulling a big bar in front of the door. "You check the backdoor, and bar it", he said quietly to Daryl, as he pulled blackout-curtains over already boarded up windows.

 

Daryl checked the exit, took out a walker by the backdoor, and barred it properly. Following Negans lead, he closed the blackout-curtains that were throughout the cabin. It seemed more like a cabin than a house, log-interior that looked like something straight outta Twin Peaks, but it had a kitchen with a small pantry, a tiny bathroom with a shower and sink next to the toilet. There was the small livingroom where they came in, with a small couch, an old TV, and a bedroom divided from the livingroom with a beat up-looking bead curtain.

 

After double-checking the small house while Negan decided whether or not to light a fire, Daryl noted small details like a calender hanging over the fridge in the kitchen, a red circle magnet hanging on April 5th. He realised he had no idea what day it was, what month it was, he had no idea how long it had been since everything started. He turned in the darkness of the kitchen, to a stack of neatly sorted cookbooks. It felt too much like a home, it felt too much like an invasion of privacy. Alexandria was easier to deal with, hell, even the Sanctuary and the upside-down rules they had there had been easier to deal with. He was grateful Negan saved him, but he had fuckton of questions to go with it. Why had Negan been out there in the first place? Was he coming for him? And the whispered 'I missed you', it still made him tremble. All he wanted was to crawl into bed and be held by Negan and not talk about anything.

 

He turned at Negans deep voice, leaning on the doorframe. He'd taken off the leather jacket, the white long-sleeved t-shirt clung to his body, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his armhair in stark contrast to the white of his shirt. He was holding a bottle of Baileys Irish cream in one hand, and a smile that made Daryls heart skip a beat.

"So, did you fuck him?"

 


	45. Speak up

Daryl almost couldn't look at him, the raw animal magnetism was too much. "No". Daryl blushed. Negan looked at him, his eyes glittering, trying not to sound relieved. "Why not? I did tell you.." Daryl looked down. "..didn't feel right". He felt shy and awkward, and the happy, bubbling feeling in his chest felt so out of place when he knew Negan was capable of losing his temper at any given moment. "Is that so", Negan replied smugly. He looked like he had to chew on it. "How far, exactly, did you go, before it stopped feeling right..?" The dangerous calm in his voice made Daryl tremble.

Daryl made to go past him in the doorway, but Negan blocked him. "You didn't say the magic word, princess", he breathed into Daryls ear, making Daryls hairs stand on end. Daryl tried to push through, not sure why at first, but he felt angry. Angry at Negan for putting him in this situation, angry because they're stuck in a cabin far away from safety, not enough gas on the car to get back. Angry because he doesn't know why Negan is there, angry because he left him. Angry because he came back, he deserved to die, he should have died on the top of that car, and angry because he's afraid Negan will leave again once he knows everything.

"Well?" Negan said, expectantly. Negan studied Daryls face, noticing the anger bubbling in the smaller man. He wanted that heat, he wanted that anger, he wanted Daryl to do something. Punch him, yell, something. Just not this silence. Daryl met his eyes and the rage was palpable. "Speak when you're spoken to", Negan purred, heat filling his chest. Those eyes made him want to lose control in the best of ways.

"We didn't do nothing you didn't make us do", Daryl snarled. Negan stood perplexed for a second. "What, you didn't even kiss after I left you like a beautiful roadkill offering by the gate?" Negan taunted, heart beating. "Yeah, we kissed", Daryl said, defiantly. "...'s what you wanted, isn't it? So you have a reason to push me away?" Negan growled, moving closer, lips almost touching Daryls. "Does it look like I'm pushing you away?" Negan could see the insecurity behind the anger in Daryls eyes now, and felt relief. He was in charge.

Daryl blinked, the temptation to meet those lips with his own was near overwhelming. "We kissed for a long time", he said, finally, looking down. Negan swallowed, tried not to feel the burn of anger. "Hm." He let Daryl go past him, and took a big chug of the bottle. Thick chocolate flavour running down into his stomach, spreading the warmth in him with a burning aftertaste in his throat. Daryl was shivering. He stood in the middle of the livingroom and didn't know where to go, or what to do. He was frightened, and he wanted... he didn't know what he wanted.

"Can't have been that good, if you ran away, can it?" Negan smiled from the doorway, leaning on the other side, now a coffeecup in his hand, half-full of Irish cream. Bottle in the other hand, he sauntered over to the couch and sat down, setting the bottle on the coffeetable as he did so. Daryl followed him with his eyes, he felt like he was back in Negans office, naked and under his scrutiny. "It wasn't bad. ..Just didn't feel right." Negan finished the cup, unsure if the burn in his throat was from the drink or jealousy.

"Tell me what happened. From I left you as a crying wreck till I rescued you like princess fucking Peach". He poured himself another cup, his eyes locked with Daryls, black clouds of thunder glittering with jealous rage.

 


	46. Everything

Negan lazily pushed the coffeetable aside with his foot. "Come, sit. Tell me." He nodded at Daryl. Daryl shakily knelt in between Negans thighs, face looking down on the wooden floorboards. "Fuck, I love you in this position. Just makes me wanna whip my cock out." Negan grinned. "But before I do that like some needy little bitch, how about you start talking, eh?" He bent close to Daryls face and grinned malevontly, as Daryls eyes darted from the floor to Negans crotch to his face.

"I cried". Daryl started, shameful, cheeks flushed, and eyes avoiding Negans. "..'till sundown." Negans eyes widened. "W-o-w." Negan sat back, and looked impressed. "I knew you were smitten, but princess, that's something else! Keep going." He emptied the second cup, and poured another. Daryl swallowed. "Aaron sat with me. Brought me home." Negans eyes narrowed. "Which one is that?" Daryl dared to look up, Negan sitting there looking like the god of thunder with bolts of lightning coming from his eyes. "When you..killed Glenn and Abraham. He was next to Carl, Ricks kid." Negan nodded. "Right, right. Continue." He took another sip, and licked his lips. "He got me to his house, his'n'Erics house, and I fell asleep. Rick came over, and I woke up from them talking." Daryl noted that Negan looked a tad more relaxed now. Daryl swallowed again. "Rick came to the room I was in, and Eric and Aaron went to watchduty." Negan swallowed this time, not sure he wanted to hear the rest, but nodding Daryl to go on. He had this coming, he ought to take it like a man.

"We talked, for a while. And Rick.." Daryl looked up at Negan, whose jaw was clenched and eyes distant, in the bottom of the cup. "Rick kissed me. And I kissed him back." Daryl didn't say anything else for a second, awaiting an explosion. "Keep talking, sweetheart", Negan rumbled.

Daryl was shivering now, not sure if it was from the cold, or anxiety, or a combination. "He kissed me again. And after a while, I told him to stop. He.." Daryl faltered, unsure of what to say. Negan was one hundred percent focused on Daryls face now. "He stopped, but he held me down, and kissed me again, and I.." Daryl looked away, face filled with shame. "I kissed him back." Negan could feel the heat of his rage and jealousy burn like embers in his spine. Daryl continued, voice weaker. "He got angry when I told him to stop again".

As Daryl continued retelling what Rick had said, Negans face became a grimace of pure hatred. He couldn't control it at first, he didn't want to, but he swallowed the rage, focusing on Daryls vulnerable face. The lines next to his mouth, the scruff of this beard, the hair covering his eyes, and Negan felt something rumble within like thunder. Daryl finished his story, and looked up. The intensity of Negans stare threw him off some, and he blushed. "So", Negan said, setting down the cup on the table next to Daryl. "What is it, that I have, that Rick doesn't?" He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and grabbed Daryls face, forcing him to make eyecontact.

Daryl looked at Negan, some of his warrior spirit shining through. "I'm yours", he answered quietly. As Negans eyes glittered with joy, Daryl continued. "And you're mine."

 


	47. Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic OST:   
> Miyavi - Secret

Negan was thrown backwards in the couch by Daryl, who pounced almost as soon as the words left his lips. Daryl pinned a not unwilling Negans hands to the wall behind the couch, and straddled him. Daryl looked down on a grinning Negan, eyes heavy with lust. "Is that so?" Negan purred, his voice as rich and thick as the drink on the table. "I saw the note, before Rick threw it on the flames". Negan blushed, a faint pink at the top of his scruffy facial hair, he'd forgotten the note he hastily had scribbled before they left, a stupid sentimental lovenote, even he couldn't talk himself out of.

Daryls stare was unwavering, and Negan burst into one of his megawattsmiles. "Come here, dipshit". Daryl leaned in tantalizingly slowly and Negan stretched just a bit to meet him. Daryl smiled then, and Negan knew that Daryl knew. "Fuck it", he growled before plunging into a passionate kiss. Daryl let Negans hands go and ran his own hands through Negans hair. Their kiss was hungry, devouring eachothers lips, eyes closed and small moans of pleasure escaping them both. Negans hands grabbed at Daryls body, holding Daryl by the hips and gyrating somewhat. The need grew too big for even Negan to handle. He held Daryl tightly, and pushed himself off the couch, lifting Daryl in the process. Daryl flung his legs around Negans waist, and they kept kissing and nibbling eachothers lips while Negan carried Daryl through the bead curtain and threw him onto the bed.

"Take your fucking clothes off", Negan growled, lust coating his voice. Daryl scrambled off the bed, shivering with want. Negan unbuckled his belt, giving a wolfish grin to the man who couldnt take his eyes off of him. Daryls muscly, but slender frame stood in front of Negan, and he couldn't help but stare. "Fucking hell", an unspoken _I've missed you_ lingering on his lips. The moment between them was electric. Daryl came closer, moving as quietly as a forest creature, his arousal very evident. Slowly he pushed Negans shirt up over his head, revealing his dark treasure trail and chesthair. Negan threw the shirt to the floor, and unzipped his jeans.

They fell into the bed, intoxicated by their naked embrace, as close to equals as they had ever been, and yet..and yet there was a power balance that wasn't to be shifted. Daryl may have taken charge, but Negan took control. Negan kissed Daryl, covered his neck and chest and kisses and playful bites. Negan held Daryls arms and teased his body with his own. It was Negan who kissed a trail down from Daryls chest and let his tongue slide over Daryls rockhard member. It was Negan who took Daryl in his mouth, causing Daryl to writhe in ecstacy under him.

Daryl couldn't take it anymore, he begged, pleaded, to get Negan in him. Negans low chuckle was the response, and an even deeper moan from Daryl, when Negan took Daryls entire cock in his mouth, thrusting it towards the back of his throat before letting up. Negan teased Daryls buttcheeks with the tip of his cock, while Daryl gripped his own cock, moving his hand gently up and down. "Whose bitch are you?" Negan growled watching Daryls precum dripped down onto Daryls abdomen. Moaning, panting, Daryl couldn't speak. Negans cock teased him, the slippery glaze of precum covering his entrance, mixed with some lube. "Please", Daryl moaned. Negan bit his lip, restraint almost impossible at this point. "Say it", he growled, spreading and massaging Daryls buttcheeks as he pushed forward. "Yours, I'm yours, please..." Daryl arched his back in pleasure as Negan thrust into him, and they melted together, moving in synch till they collapsed in orgasmic tremors on the bed. Negan whispered into Daryls ear, not sure if he was still awake, but risking it in the heat of the moment. "Yours.." Daryl turned around, their eyes met briefly, and they kissed and snuggled untill they fell asleep.

 


	48. Safehouse

Negan woke up first. Yesterday felt like a blur, but the warm shape next to him left no doubts. He stretched, curling up next to Daryl, and held him tightly. Daryls steady breathing had stopped the moment Negan had moved, Negan had noticed, but he didn't want to ruin the moment by speaking. Reality would catch up soon enough.

He caressed Daryls chest, nuzzling his neck. For a long time all they did was lie in bed, breathe and touch eachother softly.

*

Daryl woke up, smelling bacon , eggs and tomato beans. His stomach growled loudly. As he stretched, and started pulling on his clothes, Negan came out from the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel. "Shit, I was gonna serve ya in bed. Well, breakfast is almost ready". Daryl felt a little lost, the bravery from last night shed in the night. He pulled on his clothes, feeling sore everywhere. When he went to the bathroom, he noticed lovebites and buises everywhere. It made him blush a little, but it also made him feel happy in a way he couldn't quite identify.

Daryl walked out into the livingroom, buckling his belt. Negan grinned by the rickety laminate table, the cheap dark brown and orange pattern oddly fitting their breakfast. Negan gestured broadly to the set table, and Daryl felt a little out of place. It wasn't fine dining, but it felt like it. He felt like he should have showered and worn something nicer – finding what would stand as a normal meal nowadays, was a grand gesture. "Good morning, sleeping beauty", he purred as Daryl came to the table. "What, no sugar for me?" Negan teased, as Daryl stood a bit lost on the floor. Negan went to Daryl, lifted his chin gently and smiled. "You're so much fun to tease, you blush like a schoolgirl. Very fucking cute". Daryl naturally blushed. Negan laughed and kissed him, softly, not wanting to pressure Daryl. He was a shy beast, taming him took time.

Negan looked into Daryls eyes, that wondrous mixture of shyness and eagerness penetrating his gaze. "Kiss me", he demanded. Daryl moved shyly, eyes open, as if to see if this was some kind of trap, lips landing slowly on Negans. Negan closed his eyes, Daryl had the effect on him he'd had since the first time he saw him. He wanted him again. Since he got close to him that was all he could think about. Hell, it was the apocalypse, what better way to spend it than fucking? But it would be a waste to let all that food go to waste.

"I'd rather eat you than this, but since this is what passes for a four-star meal nowadays, dig in", Negan grinned. Daryl smiled. He felt shy still, he didn't know how he'd had the courage to blurt out what he did yesterday. He looked at the table, steam rising from their plates and nodded. They ate in relative silence, their postures wildly different. Negan sat upright, leaning back, all the cocky confidence in the world, while Daryl ate hunched over, protecting his plate instinctively. "Thank you", Daryl said after eating every morsel, and licking the plate clean. Negans eyes glittered. "I'm glad you liked it". _Best reward ever._

Daryl, braver from a full stomach and Negans obvious pleased face finally dared asking what he'd wondered since the night before. "When you..saved me – where were you going?" Negan said nothing, he honestly didn't know what to say. "You said you forgot to check the tank, but.. _you_ don't forget stuff like that. Not you." Negan gave a chuckle, and debated what to say. He smiled, dimples making Daryls heart skip a beat, before answering. "I told ya that yesterday, silly. I missed ya." Neither broke the eyecontact. "Why?" Daryl asked, with the last of his resolve. Negan knew Daryl needed more than flirty remarks and quick comebacks this time. The vulnerable warrior across the table from him had laid his heart on the table for him more than once. Negan swallowed his pride, his fear and looked at Daryl. He picked at something on the table, and answered in a low voice. "Because.." Negan began, for some reason suddenly so nervous. Daryl hadn't gotten Rick out of his system , not quite. There was still something there, under all that hurt. Negan chewed his lover lip, before smiling. "There's just something about you that drives me up the fucking wall. I can't fucking think straight around you". His eyes glittered from the pun. Daryl smiled shyly, a slight curl of his lips, and looked away.

 


	49. Reality bites

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic OST  
> Amanda Palmer - No surprises

 

They sat in silence for a moment, no one wanting this bubble outside of time to burst. "What happens now?" Daryl asked. Negan smiled, stood from his chair, and pulled Daryl up from his. "This", he said, holding Daryls hand, carressing his cheek. "This happens now". Negan leaned in for another kiss, and Daryl melted into it.

They stood nose to nose for awhile, a sweet and tender moment. They both knew this thing, whatever they were going to call it, would be tarnished and maybe broken as soon as they opened the doors and went out back into reality.

 

Negan felt the pain physically churn in his guts. He'd acted without thinking, he'd done that since Daryl was captured, and now he'd done the one thing he'd promised himself he'd never do again. He cared. He was afraid what this would mean. Caring about someone in this world was like making yourself vulnerable, making yourself open to hurt. Giving someone else power, and leverage over him. This would change everything.

 

Daryl held his arms around Negan, head resting on Negans chest. He felt safe in a way he had never felt before, but he knew it wouldn't be like this when they got back. He enjoyed the silence, and the warmth of the embrace. He still felt upset over what Rick had said, but if Rick apologized maybe they could move past it and remain friends, even after what he'd said. It still hurt, though. Mostly because he agreed, deep down, with Rick. He was pathetic, for not being in control over this. He was despicable, for feeling the way he did about Negan. But he couldn't stop feeling this way - he just couldn't. He didn't want to think about the kisses, or Ricks reactions. He burrowed his face into Negans chest, trying not to think anymore about it.

 

Negan felt the shift in Daryl, and held him tighter, he was worried about Daryl and his safety, he was worried about the car, worried about Dwight and how he'd react to this, worried about his men, worried about Alexandria, and with half a mind to go back there just to see Ricks brains paint the asphalt. They kissed slowly, teardrops mixing with eyelashes, no one wanting to leave the silence and safety. Eventually they cleaned up after themselves in silence, and packed up to go to the car. Negan made sure the coast was clear before they went and started the car. He tapped the fuel tank, and looked at Daryl. "Right. Where to next?"

 


	50. The morning after

 

Rick woke with a thundering headache on Aarons couch. The bright light of morning made his head feel like it had been pierced with spears. "Oh fuck.." He grumbled, turning and accidentally touching his nose, that for some reason felt broken. He didn't remember much of last night, after Negan had made him kiss Daryl, _oh fuck that happened,_ he groaned into the pillow. He remembered Negans visit, he remembered the kiss, _holy shit what a kiss_ , and the feel of Daryl moaning into his mouth. He remembered the punch in the gut it was to see that Daryl, strong, unbending, unwavering Daryl, buckled at the knees for that insane murderer, right after Ricks entire world was turned upside down.

 

He sat up slowly, the room swirling around him in far too many bright shades. Michonne, he remembered Michonne had helped get him back. He'd sat in a daze till night, drinking the last bottle of moonshine they'd found in a shack up the road. And then.. _Oh God,no.. Oh,no,no,no..._ He remembered. The kissing. The anger, and the jealousy that mixed with grief and desperation. To open your eyes to something so wonderful and then having it snatched away. He remembered Daryl running off. And.. He touched his nose gingerly. _Aaron.._ Rick ran to the kitchen and vomited all over the kitchen sink. Dry heaves that came in waves, emptying him completely. He rinsed it off, and washed his face. He chugged down two quick glasses of water.

 

He had to fix this. He had to find Daryl and apologize. He got outside, only to stand face to face with a breathless Aaron. "Rick! There's a herd coming – thousands of them! They might reach here within a day, what do we do?" Rick paled. "Daryl.. did he leave?" Aaron nodded. "He left last night. On the spare bike – the one with the leak." Rick pulled his hands over his face, and answered in a shaky voice. "Aaron, you're in charge now – make sure everyone has supplies, and everyone that can helps support the walls, and prepare to block all the doors. I'm going after Daryl – I have to! Look after Carl and Judith!" Aaron nodded, and Rick ran as fast as he could to the car.

  
  


 


	51. Bigger issues

The mood in the car was tense. Daryl was on edge, Negan even more so. He knew it was the right thing to do, but the fact that they had to go to Alexandria to get the gas to go home could be risky. He could do it by himself. He could do it without his army, he could, but it was risky as hell. Would Daryl stop anyone from bashing his skull in, if they tried? He thought so. _Fuck!_ He didn't know which scenario was the scariest, Daryl backing him – or Daryl not backing him. The first would mean this shit was so fucking serious it would rock the entire way the Saviours were built on, _and fuck me if that's not scary,_ and the second.. It hurt in his chest. He didn't want to think it through. He wanted to just exist, live, eat, fuck, laugh, like they had in the safehouse. It would be a hell of a lot easier just being the crazy motherfucker everyone feared.

 

Daryl cleared his throat. "I can handle it. You don't have to." Negan looked at him briefly , not sure whether or not it was an insult – that he didn't think Negan could handle it himself, or sweet that he wanted to protect him. He gruffed in response, "Just keep Rick the fuck away from me and it'll go fine." Negan glanced at Daryl. "Or maybe it's better that you stay the fuck away from him", he rumbled, jealousy flaring through the memory of what Daryl had told him.

Daryl looked concerned. "..e's still family". Negan looked at Daryl, an almost too long glaze. Negan made a sound deep in his throat. "Some family." Daryl felt a twinge of guilt, he wanted to defend Rick, but he had just chosen Negan, and that meant something, damn it. He didn't say anything, but the sadness climbed inside his chest and stayed there.

*

Rick found the bike, and got it into the truck. He knew tracking would be a waste of time after the heavy rain that had been. He was frantic. He could drive another hour, but that was it. After that he had to turn to get people safe. _Daryl is out here, and that is on me_. His words echoed in his head, all the things he'd said to Daryl, out of hurt, and out of jealousy. Maybe if he'd known, if he'd known about Daryl before, it would have been them, and maybe this confusion would be a thing of the past. He swallowed, headlights of a car in the distance. _Fuck._

 


	52. Lost and found

Daryl sat up, hand immediately seeking his missing crossbow. He needed it back, he still felt naked without it. Negan noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye, but remained focused on the car ahead. They halted, on each their ground, and Daryl sat up straighter. "It's Rick." Negan looked from Daryls face to the car. "You sure?" Daryl nodded. Daryl felt his heartbeat in his ears. Was Rick coming to apologize? Was he coming to kill Negan – or maybe even him? Negan growled, not liking the situation at all. "How do you wanna play this?" Daryl didn't take his eyes off the other truck, there were no movements, no one was stepping out of the other car. "Kill the lights", Daryl ordered, and Negan, hesistating only a second, did so. The other car followed suit. Daryl took a deep breath and exited the car, Negan, grabbing Lucille, did the same. Rick left the car, and they walked towards eachother, Rick with his hands up, showing that he had no weapons pointed their way.

 

"Daryl", Rick started, utter despair evident in his voice. "Now, Prick, what gives you the idea that you have any fucking right what-so-fucking-ever to so much as fucking look at him again?" Negan bared his teeth in that smile that sent Daryl shivers, but the pleasantness was coated very thin. "I'm sorry, Daryl, I'm sorry, but .." Negan interrupted Rick again, physically stepping in his line of vision, Lucille blocking Daryl from sight. "What the fuck did I just say, Prick?" He gave Lucille a twirl. Rick twitched. "Look, I'm sorry – but we've got bigger issues, that's why I came." Rick looked towards Daryl, and Negan sensed his tone. "There's a herd coming. There might be a thousand of them. I couldn't let you .." Ricks voice faltered. Daryl spoke, gruffly. "Let's go." Negan turned. "You're going with him?" Daryl grabbed his arm, forcing him to lower Lucille. "I gotta. There's kids there. Friends. Family." Negan cursed. "Fuck! I got to go back to the compound, get everyone ready."

Daryl and Negan looked at eachother, before Negan took charge, Rick or no Rick. He grabbed Daryl, they stood for a few seconds foreheads leaning on eachother, while he spoke in a low grumbling voice. "You stay safe, do you fucking hear me, princess? Do not make me come save your ass again." Daryl teared up, knowing this could very well be the last time he even saw Negan. He kissed Negan shyly, but desperately. He wanted the kiss to last forever but he could tell Negan was getting riled up. "Princess, what did I tell you?" He growled in Daryls ear. "Stay safe. We have unfinished business." He landed a small sweet kiss on the top of Daryls head before turning to Rick.

 

Rick, who had been watching the small exchange with a churning feeling of loss pitted in his stomach, mixed with jealousy and urgency, looked away. "Rick!" Negan commanded his attention. "You let as much as one hair, one fucking strand of fucking hair, fall off of him, and I will make minced meat out of everyone you know and love. Do you underfuckingstand me?" His face, contorted by rage, made Rick tremble with fear. There was no point in defying Negan, he was not messing around, he nodded vigorously. Clearly satisfied, Negan turned to Daryl, who asked Rick; "How much gas is on your truck, Rick?" Negan caught on, while Rick stood, still slightly shellshocked. "We swap cars, Rick, chop chop." Negan took Lucille, but left the bags in the car. "Extra supplies. Stay indoors, princess. Do as you're fucking told, for once." They shared one last lingering kiss, and Negan drove off in Ricks car, while Daryl stood watching him go, feeling his heart sink for every second.

 


	53. Going home

The ride back to Alexandria was quiet, filled with tension from the fight of the previous night, but the urgency of the situation made it bearable. Daryl kept looking in the sidemirror, he didn't know what he was hoping for – Negan to come for him, maybe? But he didn't speak. Rick wanted to, he had that face he usually has when he tries to formulate a speech. "Daryl", he started. Daryl didn't respond. He felt conflicted. Sure, he was hurt. Sure, he was kind of mad about it. Sure, being in a close space made him feel extra aware of Rick, and the crush he'd been harbouring all this time, but the kiss Negan left him with, and the words -both to him and to Rick, seared in his heart and kept him steady.

But there was one part of him, an old, sly part of him that kept insisting that Rick had been right. He should just take it, after all, who did Daryl think he was, to say something about the shit he'd been getting through life? He had it coming for sure. Daryl swallowed, struggling to not talk himself down more, struggling to not listen to his thoughts. "I am so sorry for the things I said to you", Rick continued. "I am sorry for kissing you when you said no", he croaked, not meeting Daryls gaze. "What I did, I can't excuse it, I .." Rick searched for words. Daryl looked ahead, the road was clear, the weather was pleasant, and they weren't that far out of Alexandria. "No", he said, finally. "You can't." He kept touching the red scarf around his throat, then resting his hand on his knife. "Daryl, I .." Daryl straightened his back, knowing that Negan wanted him safe helped him speak for himself, along with the residual anger from the night before. He wanted to hurt Rick, but this wasn't the time – and Daryl didn't want to be that guy. "What do we do with the herd? We were almost out of ammo last I checked." Rick swallowed, getting the message loud and clear. "We stay indoors, split the supplies and guns, and barricade the doors of all the houses. There's not a lot else we can do", he answered.

 

Daryl nodded, eyes rigid on the road ahead, already feeling regret over being so cold to Rick. He should be able to apologize, and Daryl should be able to forgive him. He'd taken worse, hell, he'd taken much worse. The pattern got another mark, and Daryl walked in the path so many had done before. He'd done it so much it was damn near second nature, although the last few years had started to change him. He didn't know it, he didn't even think about it, but his body posture changed to more of a slouch, a tactic to seem less imposing, less threatening. Something he had learned instinctively around his old man. "Rick", he said, quiet resolve dissolving. "Not now, but ..later." Rick nodded, grateful. He knew what that meant. If they lived, he'd get to say the things he needed to say. And if Daryl didn't, he'd wish that he was dead. He shuddered. The Negan he had faced off with a week ago was a gentle giant compared to the fury-filled warrior that had growled at him today. "He really loves you, huh", he said out loud, not even thinking about it. Daryl looked shook. Him and Negan -they hadn't discussed that word. They had very elegantly stepped in long leaps around that word, still bound by the unspoken rules of a society that was no more, to not say that word too soon, too not say that word too much, and of course, saying that word now was like a jinx. Daryl didn't know what to say, so he pointed out the obvious. "We're here."

 


	54. Prep

Activity was frantic in Alexandria. Everyone was busy barricading the houses, bringing in whatever they had outside that they wanted to protect. Most of the residents weren't resigned to their fate, but worked hard. Only a few sat quietly in complete silence, not knowing what to do. Rick quickly gave them orders, while Daryl helped the few that were despairing snap out of it. He gave them orders to cover all the vegetablebeds and fruit trees, and strengthen the fences around them. Aaron had worked hard while they were away.

 

Daryl found Michonne, she was with Carl and Judith, and helped prepare their house. Everyone was in that hurried state of panic before impending doom. No one was actually panicking, everyone was quiet. There were no tears, no one giving up, just a grim determination to get through this together. They had gotten through smaller herds, they could get through this one too. Michonne didn't speak to Daryl before every exit in the house was safely blocked, and all the supplies upstairs. Water, blankets, food, guns and other weapons all gathered into one or two rooms on the second floor. Heavy furniture like wardrobes were pushed in place to be able to block the stairs easily. "All the houses are being blocked the same way. We just have to hope it's enough." Daryl nodded. It had to be. It was all they had. Rick came panting through the gap in the stairs. "Daryl, we need you." Daryl nodded to Michonne, who had been her normal self, if a tad more cautious towards him. She grabbed him suddenly before he left, and hugged him quickly. "Glad to have you back." Daryl felt a warmth blossoming in his chest. Maybe he wasn't hated after all. Maybe there was still hope for them all if they only survived this.

*

They had done what they could. The remaining survivors had taken to the top floors of a cluster of the houses, barricaded all entrances and exits, boarded up windows outside and inside, and cleared the way for walkers to pass through easier. Now they waited.

*

Darkness had fallen. Judith was asleep in Ricks lap, the windows soundproofed as good as they could. There was no lights anywhere, except the large moon shining down over them all. The walkers had been walking by for a good hour already, the streets swarming with the rotten corpses and their constant gargling. Daryl sat quietly in a corner across from Rick, Michonne sleeping next to Carl in the corner in between. The door was looked and a bookshelf was leaning on it for maximum effect. Ricks eyes met his, and Daryl felt the pain radiating from them. Rick mouthed ' _I'm sorry_ '. Daryl hesitated for a second, but nodded in acceptance. He didn't want to die with a grudge, although the hurt hadn't gone anywhere. And right now, things looked bleak for seeing a new morning. They had ammo for maybe a hundred of them, but the herd was bigger than they anticipated. It had merged with another, smaller herd and they had no idea how many there were of them. He thought of Negan, and clutched his scarf, hoping.

 


	55. Rogue saint

 

Negan felt the pressure from the urgency of the situation. He had a lot of shit to do, if this was going to end well. The gate was guarded by that numbskull Frank and another beefcake. "Gather everyone in the main hall", Negan started. Frank had the decency to look like he was going to shit himself, but spoke anyway, Negan understood it was important if Frank suddenly grew the balls to interrupt him. "There's something you should know, about Dwight.." Negan felt his rage shoot through the roof, but stayed quiet, while his subordinate spoke.

*

Everyone was gathered in the main hall, on the end of it a makeshift thronechair no one was allowed to touch -except for Negan. All looked from him, to the door, rumours spreading that Negan was back. Dwight sat on the throne, gun in hand, one of the women panicking by his feet, a pale impersonator of Negans usual power display. Frank and his beefy friend pulled the doors apart for Negan, who entered with a smile on his face. Those who stood, kneeled instantly. Negan studied his former henchman and fuckbuddy, and noted that he was most definitely drunk. The careless way he held the gun, the far too tight grip on the bottle in his hand.

"Weeell, Dwightie-boy. What the everloving fuck are you doing in MY chair?" Dwight looked at him, slurring his words. "It ain't your chair anymore. When you went off with your new toy, this became my chair." Dwight took another chug of the bottle.

SMASH! The bottle smashed all over Dwights lap and face, and Negans snarling face looked down on him, Lucille right in his face. -We have a LOT of shit to cover today, so I suggest we get moving. And if you don't soon move your fucking ass outta my seat, the next time I won't miss. Dwight looked at him. -Fuck you. Negan sighed, giving up. He'd already seen through his fingers with Dwight for too long. "No, shithead. Fuck you", Negan replied calmly.

THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! An outcry from one of the women when the first stroke fell, died down into sobbing. He stood straight, shoving the remnants of Dwight away from his throne with a boot-tip. "Right. Do I have everyones fucking attention?" Negan looked out on the crowd, pieces of Dwight falling off of the bat behind him.

"I come with news", he said jokingly, "That there is a motherfucker of a herd coming our way, but more importantly, it's coming the way of Alexandria and the Hilltop. They are, as you all know, defenseless fucktards, so we gotta go save them". One of the men spoke up. "Why?" Negan chuckled, the cold glint in his eyes came back. "Why, he asks. Well, I'll tell ya. Where the fuck do we get the food from? Where the fuck do we get supplies? It's from our fucktard friends over at Hilltop and Alexandria. What do you think happens when they get trampled and eaten, hm?" He pointed Lucille at some skinny twig of a girl up front. "No more food". Negan made a gesture. "That's right, Sticks. No more food. Clever girl". He turned to the crowd again. "Now, we know that our friends in Alexandria are slightly less fucktarded, so we go save the Hilltop first. We go to save our fucking food, and our fucking future. We fit as many of us as we can on the trucks, and we get this shit done!" The men cheered in unison, as Negan lifted Lucille.

 


	56. Rats in a cage

Daryl woke from his half-slumber in the dark from faint cries. He moved quietly to the window, peeking out and saw one of the Alexandrians try to fend off a horde of walkers by himself by his front door, the house next to the one Daryl was in, frantic to get back in. _Fuck, he should have stayed inside. Fuck!_ He was not going to make it alone. "Daryl", Rick whispered, as he put Judith down next to Carl, and tucked her in. "You can't go alone." Daryl looked from the window to Rick. "I'm going, I have to". Rick realized there was no way he could persuade him otherwise. Michonne nodded to Rick, their whispers waking her up. "Go. I'll watch them."

They crept out the window, trying not to be noticed by the walkers before they had to, they ran while they crouched, and jumped from the ledge of the roof covering their front porch, landing on the neighbours roof. Rick almost slipped, but Daryl grabbed him and hoisted him back up before he could fall. The walkers were frantic, and the guy, John, Daryl thought his name was, looked exhausted. "Take my hands", Daryl shouted, leaning over the edge, a bit too close, while Rick held on to his legs. John looked up, but before he could give Daryl his hands, a walker jumped close enough, and tore into his throat, the life left his eyes as they watched being pulled down into the herd, blood gushing. The walkers were now so agitated, they were almost tearing down the porch, some of the support beams were giving in. The constant gargling was the only sounds they could hear. Daryl had to shout to Rick to be heard. "We gotta go the other way, the roof is caving in!" They ran for it and jumped, thankfully almost unnoticed in the dark, while the walkers were busy tearing John to pieces.

 

Rick curled up his jacked over his fist and broke a window. They got into a bedroom on the second floor. No time to rest, they made sure the house was safe, it was pretty empty, but they quickly barricaded the stairs, while avoiding being seen, before shutting themselves in a bedroom with an adjoining bathroom. They fell down onto the floor, exhaustion and weariness apparent in both their faces.

"There was nothing you could do", Rick said quietly, sitting opposite him, and seeing the defeated stare on Daryls face. "I wasn't quick enough, I coulda gone faster, I.. " Daryl had guilt in every word, in his posture, and he was trembling. Rick raised his hands, in a calming gesture. "Stop. You couldn't have done anything. It's not your fault." Daryl took a deep breath and tried to convince himself that this was true. His voice was shaky. "I just.." He needed a distraction,something else to think about.The faces of the trail of dead people he couldn't save all blended together in his mind, all the times he'd been too slow, too angry, not enough. It felt like a flood was coming through his chest. "Talk", he got out. Rick understood. He'd never seen him this shaken. Something had changed him, the calm exterior had a hidden a well of emotion that no one but Negan had been able to open so far, it seemed. He swallowed, steadying his voice. 

 

"I'm sorry." He looked right at Daryl, he needed him to understand how sorry he was. How he couldn't stop wanting to take it all back, how it ate him up. Daryl looked at him from across the room, hurt glazing his eyes with fresh tears. "I know. ..doesn't make it alright." He felt the very room tremble as Rick spoke his next words, with a voice no more than a whisper – but with such intensity that Daryl didn't know what to do. "I think I.." Rick took a deep breath before continuing. "I think I love you, Daryl."

 


	57. Princess in the tower

Daryl was speechless. Rick continued. "I think it hit me, when we kissed, and I just.. I couldn't face it before -it was too much. I lost Lori, and there was Judith and Carl, and there was Jessie and I ..I got scared. Overwhelmed, I think." He grew quiet for a while. Daryl saw that Rick needed to let this out. All of it. "I loved you like a brother." Rick nodded to himself. "But when Negan.. when he.. I discovered there was more." Daryl sat quiet, not sure how to take this. Rick struggled with his words, he wanted to clear the air, but there are so many things he can't even articulate properly for himself yet. "The kiss. It felt like..fireworks." Their eyes met for the first time since Rick started talking.

"But it also felt like coming home." Daryl felt something stir in his chest. "I've never felt this way before. Not even with Lori.. It felt like coming home." Daryl felt a sad hurt grow in him. If only they'd had this talk a month ago. Hell, a week and a half ago. But the way Rick had been with Michonne, steadily growing closer to her, pulling away from Daryl, it could never have happened between them. Rick wasn't ready for this, and Daryl had chosen a different path.

Daryl looked down. "..'m sorry, Rick." He picked at his fingers. "Maybe..maybe if we'd talked before. Maybe if we'd kissed before." Rick looked down, unsurprised. "I know", he answered hoarsely. "Maybe if I hadn't hurt you like I did". Daryl looked back, and nodded. "Maybe". They both looked down, swallowing what could have been, trying their best to move forward. "I am sorry", Rick said. "Not just because it came between us". Daryl nodded, feeling a bit lighter. Maybe they could leave this behind. He'd probably always carry that hurt with him – but that love for Rick too. He was the first person Daryl had even looked at like that. Daryl stretched, and stood up, peeking out. The walkers had calmed some, after devouring all they could of John.

Daryl felt like a weight had been lifted, he felt energized and he most of all felt impatient. He couldn't wait to get rid of the walkers, and he couldn't wait to see Negan again. He looked at Rick. "Let's get the hell outta here, and kill these shits. I am done sittin' pretty." Rick smiled, he had to admit he felt lighter as well, he could see the energy bubbling in Daryl, and it stung, knowing why. But maybe in time, maybe if Daryl and Negan ever.. grew apart, or Negan died, there was a chance for them. He felt a twinge of guilt for thinking it, but that bastard had killed people he loved, and he'd never forgive him for that. Even if Daryl had explained why Negan did what he did. He wasn't ready to give up on Daryl, but he had to respect his wishes. He looked at Daryl, heart growing a size from just seeing the ends of his lips curl upwards.

_Admitting to yourself where your heart lies can be a treacherous thing, and you might get hurt in the process - but lying to yourself about where it truly lies will hurt you as well_. He thought about Michonne, and he felt the warmth in his chest spread,same as for Daryl. He thought about it, as they started searching the house for anything weapon-like that might have been overlooked. He guessed that things weren't as simple as they had been. People change. People adjust. Maybe living in constant fear made you love stronger, feel more than you had before? Maybe. Daryl came out from the garage with a pleased face that Rick thought he only had seen once, when they hadn't eaten in two days, and Daryl brought down a buck for everyone. In his hands, two nailguns. "They're fully charged, and fully loaded." Rick had to laugh. "Holy shit, you hit the jackpot!"

They started sitting in the upstairs window, shooting one by one, but Daryl grew bolder, changed the setting on his nailgun and kept shooting them down, taking out a horde all by himself, as Rick covered his back. He'd found several coils of nails, that weighed his belt down. The walker crowd had grown frantic again with the constant shooting sounds, and the men that became more visible in the bright moonlight. Daryl tried not to risk anything, but it worked so well, soon he and Rick were back to back in the middle of the walkers, both turning constantly to shoot more and more walkers. Daryl was stuck changing his coil,Rick frazzled trying to keep them away. Then, suddenly, a hum of cars was heard, splattering down walkers, and the rapid fire of machine guns was heard. The cars rounded a corner,shooting down everything dead around them, and when silence finally fell a booming voice came from on top of a truck. "Sweet fucking baby Jesus, princess! You are SHIT at taking orders! Did I or did I not tell you to stay infuckinside?" And Daryls heart burst with joy.

 


	58. Reunion and salvation

Negans heart almost shot through his chest when he saw him, standing back to back with Rick in the middle of the horde of the undead. A circle of walkers that had stopped moving around them, nails in their heads, made them very visible. Daryl looked like a warrior, some sort of crazy action-hero in a b-movie, but fuck, so much hotter. After they'd shot everything dead that moved, he bellowed at the top of his lungs down to Daryl. "Sweet fucking baby Jesus, princess! You are SHIT at taking orders! Did I or did I not tell you to stay infuckinside?" Daryls head whipped around, and the smile that grew on his face, gave Negan a need he succumbed to at once. He climbed over the top of the truck, jumping down and landing right in front of Daryl,and swept him off his feet with a passionate kiss. 

When he finally let up for air, and the wolf whistling died down, he yelled at his men. "Clean this shit up, I want the dead cleared by morning, chop chop!" Turning to Dary he growled with a grin, "You and me are gonna have a word." He lifted Daryl up by his ass, Daryl flung his legs around his hips, and Negan carried him inside the closest house with an open door, kicking the door shut behind him. He sat Daryl down on the kitchen counter, kissing him like he needed it for oxygen. "What the fuck did I tell you", Negan breathed out in between kisses. "Stay inside, I said." Daryl clung to him, and bit on his neck, causing Negan to growl. He grabbed Daryls hair and pulled his hair backwards, nibbling and biting at his throat. "Fuck me", Daryl moaned.

"Ahem." Rick cleared his throat. Daryl and Negan looked at him. Neither looked less than pleased. "Since it's safe now, the family that lives here wants to come back in. Maybe..eh...you could, go to Daryls place." He looked embarrassed, and very uncomfortable. Daryl didn't hesitate, he grabbed Negans hand and pulled him along, hurrying along to his place. Before they came to the house Daryl lived in, but rarely stayed in, Negan picked up Lucille from the car, not completely comfortable without her close. Rick stood left on the sidewalk, dead bodies around his feet, as Daryls laughter carried out to the street.

 


	59. Christening

"So this is your place, huh", Negan purred, as Daryl led him inside. Daryl was so eager he wanted to drag him upstairs, but Negan looked like he wanted to tease Daryl first. He grinned in the way that made Daryls very core tremble. Negan stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and unbuckled his belt with a flourish, motioning for Daryl to kneel in front of him. Daryl complied, kneeling happily in front of him, and the tightness of the belt around his throat made him feel good. Secure, and calm, in a way. "Fucking hell, princess", Negan groaned, lust more than obvious in his voice. "We need to get you a proper collar one of these days."

 

He grabbed the belt that was now a leash, and pulled Daryl up into a kiss. Negan started undressing Daryl, slowly, grabbing him and kissing him all over. Negan sat down on the stairs, Daryl now wearing only leash, jeans and boots, knelt in between his legs. Negan pulled him into another kiss, before unzipping his jeans. "We better christen all the rooms in this house, huh. Make it proper?" He chuckled at the look on Daryls face. "Fuck me, princess, I've never seen anyone beg so much for cock with their eyes before." Daryl was flushed, his lips were swollen from the kissing, and he couldn't have looked more in need of cock than he did. Negan slapped him, not too hard. Daryl made a sound, and Negan stuck his thumb in Daryls mouth. "What was that, princess?" Daryl licked it eagerly, sucked it, moaning as he did so. "Do you think you're ready for it?" Daryl nodded eagerly. Negan slapped him again. Daryl was shivering with arousal. "Speak when you're spoken to, bitch", Negan grinned as he leaned back lazily. "Yes", Daryl answered, "Yes, I'm ready". Negan pulled out his already hard member, drops glistening at the tip. "Beg", Negan grinned. "I wanna hear you fucking say it." His grin made Daryl even harder. "Please", he started, hoarse and needy. "Yeeees?" Negan started moving his hand on his cock, slowly, teasing Daryl, eyes glittering with mischief. "Please let me suck your cock", Daryl moaned, desperate with desire.

 

Negan grabbed Daryl by the hair, dragging him closer. He held Daryl back, while he slid his cock over Daryls lips. Daryl flicked his tongue out, and Negan grunted in response. He let go of Daryls hair, and Daryl started licking it gratefully, suckling on the string, taking as much as he could in his mouth. As Negan threw his head back, groaning with pleasure, Rick came running in the door, giving an outcry of embarrassment and shielded his eyes.

 

"WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK DO YOU WANT, RICK GRIMES?!" Negan bellowed. Daryl made a disappointed, whiny sound, as Negan pulled his cock out of Daryls mouth, zipped his jeans and stood up, reaching for Lucille. Ricks eyes went from Negans zipper closing, to the leash on Daryls neck, the look on Daryls face, and Ricks face turned three shades deeper of the red it already was. "I..uh..err.." Negan bellowed again. "WHAT, RICK, WHAT?!" Rick was shaking with fear. "Your men, they're burning the dead too close to the houses, they might catch fire. And they..they won't listen." he finished lamely. Negan rolled his eyes, and muttered under his breath. "Yeah, I wonder why, you snivelling little bitch." He grabbed Rick by the shirt, and shoved him out on the stairs. His men were standing outside, waiting.

 

"This dipshit tells me you're trying to burn down the town. That'd be even stupider than some of yall look", Negan bellowed. "Listen to the man about the fucking fires, and do as you're goddamn told." He stared out at them all. "Now, I am going to go back inside, and I am going to fuck my fucking boyfriend till he ex-fucking-splodes with cum, and the next cockblocking asshole to interrupt me if it ain't life or death WILL be cockblocked by Lucille!" He waved Lucille around for emphasis, and pushing Rick further away from the door with the tip of Lucille to his chest. "Got it?" Negan snarled. Rick nodded, as the door slammed in his face _Boyfriend.._ Rick left, starting on the cleanup to help clear his head.

 

 


	60. Boyfriend

"Boyfriend?" Daryl asked, still on his knees, still leashed, and Negan flushed the brightest red Daryl had ever seen him turn. A twinkle in his eyes didn't stop Daryl from repeating the question. "Boyfriend?" He stood up, his hoarse voice even rustier than usual. He cupped Negans face in his hands. Negan gave an embarrassed chuckle. "You're mine, aren't ya?" Daryl smiled. "Yeah.." Negan grinned, holding on to Daryls arms. "Well then. Can't just keep calling you a fucktoy, can I? I wouldn't save two entire cities for a fucking fucktoy, would I?" Daryl kissed his hands. "I'm not so sure you wouldn't." Daryl leaned in for a kiss, but Negan pulled back, a distant glimmer in his eyes now. "Take off the rose-coloured glasses, princess. Remember who I am." Daryl felt hurt, but thought he understood. It was too much, too close, too soon. Dwayne's words came to mind, _Listen, you pretty much wear your heart on your sleeve,right,you're that guy - but you gotta remember this – he doesn't. He can't._ Daryl sighed, and grabbed his leash, placing it into Negans hands.

"I don't care what you call me. Whatever this is, whatever we are, it works – it's good. It's messed up, but it's good. That's what matters". Negan growled, a sound from deep within his chest. He pulled Daryl into the kitchen, and started pulling Daryls jeans off. Daryl helped, kicking off the last pieces of cloth. Negan undressed just as quickly, and pushed Daryl towards the kitchen table. He motioned for Daryl to sit on the edge of the table, whilst sitting down on a chair, right in front of him. Daryl bent over, and they shared a kiss, tongues playing for a long time. Negan started stroking his cock, and Daryl did the same. Negan leaned forward to lick Daryls cock, and stroked it, jerking it off into his mouth. Daryl grunted, and pushed down on Negans head, this time not letting him up when he moved. He eventually let Negan up, a fire burning behind his eyes. "Oh, so, you wanna play,huh.." Daryl grinned. Negan grabbed him, lifted him up and carried him into the livingroom, where they collapsed on the couch in a heap. Kissing and fondling eachother, until Negan pushed him off and sat broadlegged. "You are not allowed to cum before I tell you, do you understand?" Daryl nodded. He tugged on Daryls leash. "Speak up", he smirked. "Yes." Daryl blushed. "I'm stating to think that you get off on me being strict with you. That so, princess?" Daryl blushed harder. "I dunno.." Negan smiled now. "Well, that is just twentyfour carat bullshit. Come here, and bend over my knee". Daryl scrambled to do so.

Negan grabbed each of his buttcheeks firmly, massaging them for a bit before he started spanking him. SMACK! Daryl flinched. This was harder than last time. "Lie still", said Negan, cock throbbing. He kept smacking, although less and less hard. "Have you learned your lesson?" "Yes", Daryl moaned. Negan grinned. "And what is the lesson?" Daryl was so aroused he had trouble thinking. "To not lie", Daryl gasped as the spanking hardened again.

 

Negan could feel precum drizzle from Daryls rockhard cock onto his lap, and all he wanted was to feel it in him, but fuck..giving up power wasn't his thing. He growled, frustrated. "Do. You. Get. Off. On. Me. Being. Strict?" He asked, one hard slap on the buttcheeks in between each word. Daryl moaned, loudly. "Fuck yes!" Negan grinned. "Good boy. As a reward", he said, helping Daryl off his lap, "You get to suck my dick." Daryl blushed, he knew Negan was kidding, but it still really felt like a reward. Like he should be grateful. He licked it eagerly, and carressing Negans balls as an experiment, he took it all into his mouth. -Oh fuck, yes.. Fina-fucking-ly, Negan murmured. Daryl kept moving up and down, and all that was was the sounds from Daryls mouth, and Negans moans.

 

"Negan?" Rick's voice in the hallway. Negan snarled at Daryl. "You keep fucking blowing me, or I swear I will knock his fucking dick off." Daryl blushed, but kept on, licking and sucking, as though no one was almost in the livingroom. "In here, Prick, and be fucking quick about it." Rick came through, stopping short in his tracks, taking in the scene in front of him. "Uh,I.."

Negan groaned. "Deeper, bitch." Looking at Rick, he growled. "What, you're risking a kiss to the balls from Lucille for interrupting me already, I ain't fucking stopping this time, you had your fucki- _fuck yeah, deeper, bitch",_ he moaned, "You had your fucking chance to NOT see this, but here you fucking are, again". Rick was speechless, he couldn't breathe. That Dwayne was gonna pay, if he ever got the chance, he didn't need to see this. The hurt in him was horrible, but what was worse was how his body reacted to seeing Daryl like that, not only naked, not only cock in his mouth, but so greedy, so willing.

 

"Dick got your tongue? Speak, numbnuts". "D-Dwayne sent me to say they're done with cleanup, and request new orders". Negan groaned in response to Daryls tongue. "Stand up, bitch, I need to fuck you." Rick wanted to run, but if he didn't have orders when he came back out, they would knock his teeth out, or worse, he had no doubt Dwayne would do what he said. Saviours seemed to do that. As Daryl bent over the table, face away, Negan grabbed him by the hair, and forced his face Ricks way. As Rick watched Negan lube up his thick cock, he felt like he was being dominated more in this moment by Negan than even Daryl was. He had to stand there and watch, he had to wait for orders till Negan's fucking say-so, and he knew it. "Watch this, Prick", Negan growled. "He fucking loves this." The sound Daryl made, and the look on his face, as Negans cock started ramming him, was pure ecstacy, and Rick felt himself become hard, even as much as it hurt to watch. _Fuck,Daryls face.. "_ You can tell them", Negan groaned, "to set up camp. Might be more herds. Plus, we've got a house to break in". He orgasmed, and emptied deep in Daryl, who came almost simultaneously. Rick almost ran out the door, to deliver the message, and slammed the door, Negans soft chuckle, and Daryls moans following him all the way out.

 


	61. Balls deep

Rick ran out the house, over to Dwayne by the trucks, tears burning in his eyes. "Well?" Dwayne grinned. "Did you get the message?" Rick, swallowing down the tears, hearing the not so hidden meaning. "Yeah, yeah, I got the message." He nodded. "He said to set up camp, there might be other herds close, and.." Ricks voice faltered, and he looked away, his minds eye still seeing Negan and Daryl. "Aaaaand?" Dwayne asked. "And he.. they... had a house to break in." Dwayne grinned. "And just how far up your lil crush's ass was he when he told you, huh?" Dwayne leaned forward, his face up in Ricks. "Knuckle deep? Halfway? Balls deep?" His grin grew for each word. Rick met his eyes, and Dwayne grinned from ear to ear. "Balls deep,then. Good. I think you needed to see that." Rick made a grimace of rage. "And why is that?" Dwayne grabbed one of Ricks shoulders. "Because I was there when you woke the fuck up and smelled the sweet taste of his dick, and I don't want you getting ideas to fuck this up." He stood up straight. "You see, when Negan is happy", he gestured to Daryls house, "Negan is happy", he gestured to himself. Rick nodded. "I get it." "Good. Now get us some food. Negan is hungry."

Rick swallowed again, and left.

He walked around the corner and stopped, to lean on a house, and just breathe. He couldn't shake Daryls face from his mind, how pure his ecstacy had been, how he had been on a leash. And how he took all of Negan, so easily. Rick couldn't stop seeing Negan thrusting, and he couldn't stop hearing Daryls moans, and he couldn't stop thinking _I wish_ ..The image of Daryl cumming all over, ass full of cock was seared on his mind forever and there was jack shit he could do about it.

 


	62. Like the sea

Negan woke up in bed, arms around Daryl. _Fuck, I could get used to this_.. He pressed his morning wood against Daryls butt, reaching to grab his cock. Daryl half-moaned, waking up as well. Daryl turned around, their erections rubbing against eachothers bodies. Lazy kisses under the cover, hands tracing bodies, and slow, quiet movements. Their hands on eachother, their kisses uninterrupted. Sweet silence interrupted by gasps. As they came, backs arching and sheets getting dirtied, Daryl moaned words he never thought he'd ever say. They lay silent after, Daryl happy, truly happy, for the first time in his life.

*

Negans heart was pounding. He had to admit it to himself. Things had changed. Sure, they played rough – sure, he could control Daryl if he wanted to. Sure. But did he really want to anymore? He had to admit another thing too - what they had just done, wasn't fucking. It wasn't just having sex. It was making love. When Daryl had whispered those words, he'd frozen. He had no idea how to respond. _Yeah, you do, you fucking coward,_ a voice in his head insisted. They were silent. Daryl resting peacefully next to him, hand on Negans chest, head resting on Negans shoulder. And while Daryl was peaceful, blissful, and calm, Negan was afraid.

 


	63. A brighter future ahead .......?

Negan had an uneasy morning. After Daryl had whispered those three words, he had a lot to think about. Things were about to change, they had to – he had to. Or did he? He had a choice to make. He could choose to remain Negan, the bat-wielding crazy that killed one per new group – every single time, that terrified people to keep them in tow, always taking, always in power, but always looking over his shoulder for enemies. Or – he could relinquish some of the power, and stop killing people as if they were pieces on a chessboard. He could. But would people accept him? Would Daryl stay – if he remained the same? He didn't imagine the sick girl would be very accommodating after bashing her mans head in. Or the angry one, what was her name – Rosita. He didn't exactly bet on her approval either. He had a churning feeling in his stomach. He'd hardened himself, built himself up of steel since the walkers came, but the shell was cracking. He knew what he did was inhumane, but it was a game of chess. That's all it was. That's all it could be.

Same as with the walkers. If you saw them as people, if you saw them as someones mom, daughter, father, friend – how could you really smash their heads in, crush their skulls, if you saw them as human? Taking out a key player in each new group was chess. All tactics, all headgames. He had learnt to see who everyone looked at for comfort, for guidance. He never took out the leaders – leaders kept the group together in a status quo state. And taking out their leader made everyone else unpredictable. Taking out a strong player, preferrably the second in command, was the best choice. The leader was rattled by it, the group looked to the leader for guidance, and they would end up doing nothing. They would know that he, Negan, was the strongest player. Rationalizing it was the only way he could make it past the feelings of guilt, and the haunting memories. Opening up to feel something, anything, was scary enough.. But love? That was the scariest of all. Leaves you wide open for a world of hurt. And hurt made you stupid. He'd nearly gotten himself killed over hurt. Just over Daryl. _Just.._ He scoffed at himself. _No such thing as 'just' Daryl._

He looked at Lucille on the nightstand, and remembered. He remembered everything. He knew the play of the game, he knew what to do. He knew how to provoke an attack after finding the leader. First, find the weak spot. _Jesus, you look shitty. I should just put you out of your misery right now._ Voila, he got a chance to give them a warning. Second, scan for others that seemed ready to burst with anger, and take them out. Use them as a warning, split the group with guilt and grief. _M-M-Maggie.._ Negan pulled Daryl closer. What would happen if he changed everything, for him - for Daryl – and they split up? When Daryl woke up, and fell off of cloud nine? What then? Would he rebel against Negan? What if Negan had to take out some of his friends – if they rebelled? What if he had to fight Daryl? _Fuck.._ What if someone got to Daryl, to get to him? What if Daryls affection for him was just Negans excellent manipulative skills?

"I love you", Daryl mumbled again, half-asleep with a smile on his face, head resting on Negans chest, and Negan pulled him closer. He kissed the top of Daryls head, and knew there was really only one choice – one he'd taken the moment he knew Daryl really liked him. His voice was hoarse, and full of fears, old and new. "I love you too."

 


	64. T(h)rust

Negan was getting frustrated. He'd been in bed for a long time, going over what could happen, all the different scenarioes. Every single one of them had too many variables. Each one far too difficult to predict, fear guiding his every thought. He needed some release, and he needed it now. He looked at Daryl, and the warmth in his chest stopped him from doing what he wanted. He wanted to take him and fuck him and use the belt on him to make all of these feelings go the fuck away, but the marks on his back made it ache, and fuelled his rage further. He wanted to take, he _needed_ to take. Another idea struck him, _he could always take from another_ , but he pushed it away. It would kill Daryl if he did. He woke Daryl, gruff voice. "Bitch, get up". Daryl blinked, but seeing Negan towering over him, with close to black eyes, he understood what was going on. He knew how thoughts and fears and anger builds up and attacks you when things are finally calm.

"Turn 'round", he gruffed. Daryl stood up, pushing Negan back a few paces. "No". Hoarse voice, as steady as only he could be. Negan threw him on the bed, easily, Daryl not even kind of close to fighting back. Negan leashed Daryl, whose cock was already rock hard. Negans eyes widened as Daryl reached for the lube. Taking some in hand, and spreading it generously on his own cock. Daryl never broke eyecontact with Negan, and Negan felt his cock react. Daryl put the lube away, and gave Negan the leash. He grabbed Negan, pulled him closer. Negan climbed up on the bed, heart pounding. _Fuck me.._ He'd never let anyone do it to him. Never. Not that he hadn't been there himself with a toy or another, but this was different. _This was trust._ Daryl handing him the leash was saying 'you have the power here – use me'. Negan searched Daryls eyes for any hint of ridicule, or wish to dominate, and found none. He almost bit Daryl, in a rough kiss, desperation to get something out of his system overflowing. The kiss told Daryl 'I'm scared'. They sensed eachother, no more words were necessary.

 

Negan, eyes bound to Daryls, put two fingers full of lube in his own butt, whimpering with need as he felt it fill up, and Daryl couldn't help but break eyecontact to watch. A sound deep in his throat made it clear he very much liked what he saw. Spurred on, Negan, hand with Daryls leash trembling, pulled his fingers back out, and edged onto the tip of Daryls cock. Daryl groaned at the touch. As Negan lowered himself on Daryls cock, Daryl felt like his head exploded, he was lost in the sensation of the tightness around his cock. Negan having all the power wasn't an illusion, he owned this moment, he controlled everything. Negan moaned from the feeling, _fuck, he needed this, and Daryls cock felt so good,_ untill he saw Daryls face, and realisation hit. He did control this. He didn't give up power, even though it looked like it. That got him real hard. He grabbed Daryls hand, and placed it on his cock. He held Daryls hand in place, moving it up and down, in the same rhytm as he rode Daryls cock. Daryl whimpered under him, trying to make him ride faster, eyes closed, and face flushed. Negan pulled on the leash, and it tightened a little. Fuck if this wasn't the hottest thing he'd ever seen, the way Daryls lips parted, the way his cheeks flushed, the way he moved underneath him, the steady hand on his cock. He increased speed a little, rode it deeper, not able to withhold a moan, and felt Daryls cock twitch in response.

As they moved together, eyes closed, lost in the moment, no one cared about the future, or tomorrow, or even whatever might happen in an hour. They existed now, together, in pleasure and pain, and that was all.

 

Daryl wanted to fuck Negan like he'd fucked him, but he tried to show restraint. The control had to be Negans. "Please", he murmured, face red. He hated to beg, but the shame made him hard, a combination that Negan seemed to love. "Please what, bitch?" Negan purred, slowly moving on Daryls cock. Daryls hands on his hips, his own hand now jerking off quickly. Daryl almost drooling from the sight, moaned. "Please go faster, please.." He got lost in a moan as Negan obliged. Daryl grabbed his hips and couldn't stop himself, he pounded Negan as well as he could from below, and he was so close. He almost couldn't hold it in any longer. "Please", he moaned again, knowing full well how Negan reacted to his whimpering. Negan slowed down, and rode in slow, agonizing moves. "Beg", he growled. Daryl was so close it felt like his entire body might explode. "Please, can I cum, please, please.." Negans grip around his cock tightened, he was close as well. Negan growled, he wanted more, he wanted it longer, but he knew he couldn't last much longer, and rode faster, ass tight around Daryls cock. Daryls moans grew louder, he bucked up, wanting to fill Negan up. Negan leaned forward, tightening the leash a little. Daryl felt everything a little stronger, his cock felt harder, Negan felt tighter, and he couldn't hold back any longer. "Cum", Negan growled, riding Daryl quicker, holding on for support. Daryl exploded, shouting out as he came. He pushed Negan hard down on his cock, spasming as he felt the cum fill Negan up. Negan shot a warm load of cum on Daryls chest, the feeling made him lose all control. He kept jerking it, cum coming in waves till Daryl, high on the moment, cock still hard in Negans ass, growled at him. "You whore". The words gave Negan the last push, and he felt the glorious sensation of orgasm rush through him.

 


	65. Changes

 

Negan got dressed. Daryl was on the bed, leash still on. "What the hell do I do with you,huh?" Negan smiled. "I can't get shit done without your cock anymore". Daryl blushed, and Negan chuckled, bending down and grabbing the leash, pulling Daryl into a kiss, before removing the leash, and using it as a belt again. "How the fuck do you still blush around me? You just filled me with cum and called me a whore, for fucks sake." Daryl blushed harder. "I dunno." He smiled shyly. Negan whispered into his ear, straddling him as he had only a short while ago. "You're the only one who's done that, by the way". Daryl felt a pang of joy. They kissed deeply. The core of fear in Negans chest was quiet, but it wasn't gone. He had things to sort out. He felt like he was on cloud nine, and couldn't help it. He needed to be sure. He held Daryl down, holding his wrists. Daryl was willing, open in his gaze, even if he was shy. "You answer to me". He kept eyecontact steady. "You provide for me". Not a flicker of doubt in Daryls eyes. "You belong to me". Daryl smiled. "I belong to you". Negan bent down, a deep kiss making Daryls head spin. Negan braced himself, broke the kiss, and breathed, eyes drowning in Daryls, "I love you." Daryls pupils dilated, his breath hitched and he growled from far back in his throat. "I love you." Hearts bare, they kissed, hungry, desperately, as though their trust hadn't already been confirmed everywhichway.

 

They had a quickie, and afterwards they took a shower. Negan leaned on the doorframe, and looked at Daryl in the shower, thinking to himself again. _Fuck, not only can I get used to this..I am already getting used to this._ He imagined going back to being old Negan, and a hollow feeling flooded through him. How could he ever have lived like that? They spoke over breakfast, a bread Negan had brought in his bag, and some beans. "Things gotta change". Daryl looked at him. "Things have already changed", Negan sighed. Daryl kept eating, nerves on end. "Fuck, why'd you have to be so fucking cute, hm?" Negan smiled at Daryl. Daryl kept eating, blushing only a little.

"Change how?" He asked after a while. Negan chewed thoughtfully on his half of the bread. Negan shrugged, trying to appear careless while the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. "Everything." Daryl drank up his coffee, sitting on the counter, shrugged back and jumped off. "Then we change everything."

 

Negan admired Daryls take on it. He lived now, without fear. He acted. Negan played chess, planning ahead for thirty moves. They were so different. "Find Rick. If he still leads everyone, we need him." Daryl nodded. "We need all the key players of your group, and the people from Alexandria. And my guys. Gather everyone, around the townsquare." Daryl nodded again, strapping his knife his belt. "I'll get the guys to mind the walls, we need everyone for this." Daryl nodded and left. Not even ten seconds he came back, Negan looked at him quizzically, but Daryl just kissed him forcefully, then seemed satisfied enough to leave.

*

The Alexandria Town square was filled with people. Everyone looked nervous, as the Saviours, armed, stood placed around the square. In the distance, Saviours manned the walls. Negan climbed up on a makeshift podium, Lucille resting on his shoulder. He took a breath, and felt a calm come over him. This was what he did best. Key players. Divide and conquer. Now he had to reverse it.

"People of Alexandria!" Negan began, scanning the crowd for Daryl and Rick. He'd fix it, he knew he would. But he had to start while he had the attention of the crowd. As he continued, Daryl appeared at the back of the crowd, Rick in tow. A slight nod was all he needed.

"Yesterday was a day of magnitude for yall." Negans voice boomed over the crowd. "You could've been crushed, and then who would pay me half their shit?" He grinned, the malevont villain was far too easy to slip back into. "But luckily you have some people that aren't completely fucktards amongst you, and they saved your asses, that is, untill we rolled in". He gets serious. "Now, I'm not gonna pretend what's gonna happen next will be easy, or comfortable – but we're gonna make it work. Why? Because we're still alive." He swung Lucille around, and a few of the closest people flinched. "I won't pretend that there aren't a bunch of you that won't still hate me, but I'll keep you alive – unless you cross me. I can't have that shit". Carl stood at the front, hate written on his face.

Negans gaze swept over everyone, landing on Daryl. "I am in charge here now. But – I will have others with me. Daryl, come here." He reached out for Daryl, and Daryl came, the crowd parting for him as he did so. "Most of yall know Daryl, and love him. You think of him as family." He made eyecontact with members of Ricks group. "Some of yall just know him as the guy that keeps saving everyone", Negan said jokingly. Some of the Alexandrians smiled. "Now, I, like you, love Daryl". Negan grabbed Daryls hand, and Daryl blushed. "But unlike most of you, I fucking _love_ Daryl." Daryl blushed harder. There were murmurs. Angry murmurs.

"And as I said, this shit might be hard for you to understand – I bashed a couple of your people's heads in – I get it. I do. You can hate me all you want, I don't give a fuck as long as you do as you're told." He looked at Daryl, who shyly looked back. "Daryl here is a big part of the reason, hell, he's the only reason, why I give two shits about yall being alive. There's always other people to save, and there's always shit to take from them." Negan squeezed Daryls hand before letting it go. "I am the leader of all of yall now, that's the way it's gotta be. But – I won't be here all the time. I've got other shit to take care of." The crowd was still, all mesmerised. "That's why Daryl will be your leader while I'm not here". Again, murmurs. People whispering. "There will also be a council, and Daryl will be the leader of that council". Daryl looked calm, but felt surprised. "Now, who else you pick amongst yourselves gets to sit on the council is fine, but I would probably pick Rick as one of them". He waved Rick up along with him and Daryl. "Any council decisions will be run by me".

A hand was raised in the midst of faces. It was Aaron. "Why? Why all this?" Negan furrowed his brow and looked at Daryl, who had stepped back down, and slightly to the side of the podium, for confirmation. "Aaron, right?" Aaron nodded. "Well, Aaron, first I want to thank you – you treated my boy Daryl well the other night. I am grateful for that". He put his hand on his chest in a sincere movement. "Now for your question. Why? Because I fucking love Daryl. And he loves all of yall. Sure, I could make him my bitch, and all of you my little slaves, but I mean it when I say, I do fucking love him. Which brings me to my next point." He swung Lucille around. "Anyone that's even thinking about harming so much as a fucking hair on his perfect little head, will be having an intimate meeting with Lucille. And I know yall remember Lucille." He smiled again. "Now, before I give the word to Rick..." He never got to finish his sentence.

 

Dwayne, guns in hand, pointed one at Negan and one at Daryl. "I have been waiting for this. For so long." Negan lost his composure. None of his guys were close enough to stop him. The crowd parted for Dwayne as they had for Daryl. "I have been waiting since I saw the way you looked at him." He gestured at Daryl. "I thought Dwight might do it for me, but that stupid fuck almost ruined everything instead." A madmans grin on his face. Negan tried moving in front of Daryl. "You love him. Do you remember my group, Negan?" Dwayne snarled the name. Realisation hit Negan. "Yeah, I remember." He lowered Lucille. He remembered that night. The key player in the group that he'd eliminated. An Asian girl with short hair, and a butterfly tattoo. _Nikki_. "Yeah". Dwayne snarled. "You bashed my Nikki's head in. And right then, in that moment, I knew that if you ever cared about anyone, I would make you hurt the same way". Dwaynes massive frame was shaking with rage that now bubbled through to the surface. "Why do you think I dropped all those hints about him? I knew you'd fall for him. I studied your ass closely. And now – now you get to choose. More than I ever did." He was almost foaming at the mouth. He raised the guns, and fired.

 


	66. Lucille

"Noooooo!"The sound of the gunshot. Quick movements. So much blood. So much blood everywhere. On his hands, on his chest, and he can't breathe. So much blood.

The body being taken away to the Saviours medics, he picked up the bat, the rage all-encompassing. Dwayne, brought to his knees by two Saviours, looked up, just in time to look into his eyes. Dwaynes eyes widened in apparent fear, before he lifted the bat with a snarl. THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! The blows fell rapidly, each blow destroying Dwayne's body a little more. His head was indistinguishable from what had been his arms or even his chest. What was left was a mush of meat, blood and bone. It didn't even look like something that had been remotely human. The Saviours looked at him, the savage being clutching the bat, covered in blood and with nothing but rage in his eyes, and one by one, they fell to their knees.

 


	67. A new leader

The medics worked as hard as they could, unnerving as it was to have him stand there and watch, seething with rage, bloodied bat still in hand. Finally, the doctor pulled Daryl aside. "It's too early to tell, for sure, but it looks like he's going to be fine." "The blood. There was a lot". Daryl pins him to the wall with his eyes, and the doctor doesn't hesitate to answer, taking in Daryls bloodied arms and torso, he wasn't witness to Daryls reaction to Dwaynes betrayal. "Yes, there was a lot. But some of it was from Rick, he lost a lot of blood when he diverted the bullet." Daryl looked over at Rick, who was sitting on a bed in the next room, left hand bandaged up. "Is he gonna be ok?" Daryl nodded to Rick. The doctor nodded. "As long as the wound doesn't get infected". Daryl nodded. "How long before he wakes up?" He looked at Negans body, one of the Saviours nurses wiping the blood off, and bandaging it up. The doctor followed his gaze. "Hard to say. He'll have a scar, and his ear is going to look like shit, but most likely, he'll be fine. Like I said about Rick - as long as his wound doesn't get infected." Daryl felt his insides give in. He needed to not be around people. He nodded to the doctor, and pointed him out the door with Lucille. The doctor nodded back, eyeing the bat warily.

He shut the door behind him, and Daryl fell to his knees by Negans side. He grabbed his hand with his bloody hand, and shut the tears in. He refused to cry. He wouldn't cry before everything was alright. He grabbed around the barbed wire on Lucille, pressing down to keep the pain he felt away. The physical sensation of the barb wire pressing into his skin kept him close to sanity, but he was on the brink of the dark places he'd lingered in for far too long before Rick, before his group, before Negan. He grit his teeth. He'd survived everything thus far. He had to get his shit together. What would Negan do? Negan would bash Dwaynes head in. _Done._ Negan would get the council together. Negan would lead. So Daryl would. He rose, growling into Negans good ear. "Don't you worry. I will fix this."

 

He opened the door and the doctor stood up. "You don't leave that room before he wakes up. You need to piss, you use a fucking bucket. You need to eat, someone will get you food. You. Stay. With. Him." Every word underlined with Lucille in the doctors face, splattering small droplets of blood on his face. "Anything happens to him, you better pray that I don't find you before the walkers do." The doctor swallowed nervously, backing up a few steps. "Got it", he replied nervously. Daryl looked at Rick, and strode over, grabbing him by the shirt chest.

"We need to talk", before he pulled him out of the room, Rick stumbling after him with a meek look.

 


	68. Council

Daryl only stopped to put four Saviours on guard for the doctors room, assigning someone especially to fetching food for the doctor. Rick was half-thrown in Daryls door, Daryls rage still fuelling his every move.Rick sat down on the stairs, looking as dazed as the first time he met Negan. Daryl paced in front of him. "I am in charge now. We will get this shit together. We fix this shit. We make the council. We can make this work. With the Saviours on our side, we can get through this. Are you listening?" Daryl stopped, and looked at Rick. "Yeah, yeah I hear you." Daryl sat down and took his bandaged hand in his. "Are you ok?" Rick looked up after what felt like a minute or two. "I ..lost two of my fingers, Daryl. I..I didn't even think. I just.. jumped." Daryl let out a sigh. "I know. I'm sorry."

 

The moment was still fresh in his mind – it wasn't long ago. He had stood still, understanding that Dwayne would fire at him. If he didn't move, there was a chance that he wouldn't shoot Negan. Then Negan jumped, and Daryl screamed. It was as if it happened in slow motion. The bullet hit Rick first, but from Daryls point of view, it was only apparent that he'd hit something, and then Negan's head twitched back in a mistspray of blood. He only remembered rage after that. Rage and blood. He looked down and realized he was still clutching the bloody bat. The blood dripping down on his floor in a pool reminded him about the other times Lucille had been used. He clutched it harder. He needed that strength now. He needed that weapon, and he needed that power. "I'm sorry", Daryl said again. "I'm sorry that you lost your fingers. But you're alive. I'm alive." Daryl grabbed his shoulder. Rick looked up, still in a daze. "I was gonna die for you. I didn't even think." Daryl swallowed, guilt churning in his stomach. "I know. But I can't deal with that right now. I - I can't. We have to do this now. Are you with me?" Rick nodded. "Yeah. I get it." Daryl leaned towards him, resting his forehead on Ricks.

*

The crowd was back, rounded up by the Saviours and Rick, standing a good way away from the mangled remains of what used to be Dwayne. Daryl stepped up on the podium, still bloody, still riled up. He tried channeling Negan, like he had when he punished Dwight at the Sanctuary. "Alexandria!" He shouted, to make the murmurs quiet down, raising the bat up high. "We make a council tonight. Nothing is changed." He looked out at the crowd. "There has been deaths on both sides. We have struggled to survive." Daryls throat hurts. He's not used to being this loud. "It's time to start living again. We can only do that if we stand together as one, and move forward. We need eachother, all of us." There are nods amongst the people. The Alexandrians first, they haven't seen what his group has seen. They haven't seen all the horrors. They just want to be safe. "I know we suffered great losses. So did they. So did all of us." He sought eyecontact with his own group.  "We can't live like this. We live together, or we die alone." He gestured with the bat. Some of the men cheered.

 

"Rick, Michonne, Aaron - I want you on the council. Do you accept?" Rick came forward, Michonne right behind him. Aaron came, hesitant. "Are you sure?" Daryl nodded. "Then I accept." They stood behind him, Rick looking subservient, like the fire had left him for good. "I need three more for the council. I want a list of names by tonight. Dismissed!" Daryl looked out on the crowd, people already looking at eachother to know who wanted to be on the council.

 

Daryl went straight to the medics office, and sat by Negans bed. Lucille in hand, he fell asleep in a chair next to Negans bed, holding his hand.

 


	69. Sleeping beauty

 

Daryl woke up, Negans hand resting on his neck. Relief flooded through him like sunshine through the clouds. "Hey". Negan croaked. "Hey", Daryl replied, tears forming in his eyes. Somewhere deep down he hadn't believed that Negan would wake up. "How are you feeling?" Daryl realised he still wore the bloody clothes, and dried blood were covering his hands and arms. Negan smiled briefly, pain evident on his face. "Like shit. Doc says Rick saved my ass...?" Daryl looks at him. "Yeah. He lost two fingers, trying to take the bullet ..for me." Daryl stopped, before continuing. "He diverted the bullet that you would have taken for me." A dark cloud in Negans eyes came and went. They sat in silence, holding hands for a few minutes, each lost in his own thoughts.

 

"Dwayne?" Negan asked after a while. Daryl sighed. "Fuck Dwayne." He threw his arms up for Negan to see better. "I'm covered in Dwayne." Negan blinked, eyes darting to the bat by Daryls side. "You Lucille'd him?" Daryl nodded, face grim. Daryls voice was dangerously close to cracking. "I thought you.. I thought.." Negan understood, heart swelling. "You thought my brains painted the pavement", he finished for Daryl. Daryl nodded, gritting his teeth together. "If I didn't feel like a truck run over my head, I'd fuck you right here and now just for that alone", Negan chuckled. "Smitten fucking kitten". He teased Daryl with audible warmth in his voice. Daryl, in spite of himself, had to smile. In that moment they shared only that look, those smiles and the joy.

 

"You should clean her, you know. She rusts." Negan said, meaning the bat. "Yeah, I will." Daryl took a deep breath, preparing to do all the things that needed doing. "Did he say how long before you're back to normal?" Negan shrugged. "It'll heal slowly, and hurt like hell all the while, but I'm guessing a few days. Not going back out on runs there before it's healed properly though." Daryl nodded. How the fuck was he supposed to pull this off alone? _He's different_. Negan noted. He saw the posture, the way Lucille was leaning on Daryls leg and not the chair, the security of having the bat close was something he recognized. Daryl had started to feel the burden of leadership, and the dangers along with it.

 

 


	70. Bullet

_Rick saw it all as though it was going in slow motion. Dwaynes hands and the cocked guns. Dwaynes fingers on the triggers. He knew Negan wouldn't move, he wouldn't risk his life for Daryl, Rick had to jump, he had to take it for him. The hot, searing pain from his hand was massive. Negan was in a pool of blood straight behind him. Rick stumbled around untill he saw Daryll pick up the bat. He had the sense to run to the infirmery, turning only once, in time to see Dwaynes body reduced to a twitching pile of mush, and men all around him to drop to their knees._

The image of Daryl covered in blood haunted him throughout it all. He still had bloody fingermarks on his shirt. The doctor that had stitched him up and put bandages on, had told him it would hurt for while, but he'd been lucky, the bleeding stopped relatively quickly.

Daryl spoke to him, he was sitting on Daryls stairs. "Are you listening?" Finally Rick seemed to snap out of it. Seeing Daryl, bloody bat in hand, savagely bashing in Dwaynes skull, seeing him drenched in blood, really rattled Rick. He saw Negan in Daryl, he saw pure rage and aggression, and that was something he hadn't seen quite so clearly before. It had always been there, but Daryl was so quiet, so .. easy to lead. Not that he was easy to manipulate – but rather that he did what Rick said, most of the time. He knew why now, but this Daryl? This Daryl would not bow down to Rick. Maybe not to anyone. "Yeah. Yeah, I hear you."

They spoke about how to do it best, but Daryl seemed to need the distraction that it was to take charge. Rick was still dazed from the incident, and from his overpowering feelings, that now seemed to be mixed with .. _fear ?_ He realises that not only did he almost give up his own life, risking both Carl and Judiths safety in the process, but – so had Negan. Negan also took a bullet for Daryl. _Who the hell would have seen that coming?_ He looked up into Daryls eyes, as they talked, and there was a change. Maybe it was the rage that clouded them, maybe it was the fact that he was overwhelmingly manly in that moment - maybe it was that he was taking charge, but Rick had never wanted him more than in that moment – nor had he ever feared anything or anyone quite so much. Daryl leaned his forehead on Ricks, for comfort, as they spoke, and Rick swallowing his fear, placed his lips on Daryls.

 


	71. The house on the Hill

Daryl let Ricks lips linger on his for a brief second – the guilt consuming him. _He took a bullet for me._ He grabbed Rick by the hair and pulled his head back. "No." Daryl snarled. "No. You do not get to do that." He looks into Ricks eyes, hurt, but mostly angry. "I'm sorry", Rick whispered, almost desperate to continue the soft kiss. "I just.." Daryls face softened for a moment. "I get it. Don't think I don't get it." Daryls eyes held Ricks steadfast, holding Ricks head back, exposing his neck. Daryl saw Ricks pulse in the vein on his throat and had to admit to himself, he wasn't unaffected. There was still something there. "I've finally gotten it good. He loves me. He", he pointed towards the direction where Negan was lying in the infirmary, "he just stood in front of EVERYONE, risking EVERYTHING by saying he loves me. And I fucking love him back", he finished with a snarl. "Don't you fucking _dare_ come now, Rick Grimes. You had months to see me. You had months to acknowledge this. It's too fucking late." Rick tried to nod, knowing in his heart of hearts that he would never get over this. "If I ever want your advances again", Daryl growled, "I will tell you to fucking beg for it." He let go of Rick, whose heart was pounding almost through his chest. "Do you understand?" Rick nodded. Daryl slapped him, the anger over being aroused fueling him. Rick whimpered as Daryl uttered his next words, no longer able to separate Negan from Daryl, his mind making his vision flickering between the two bloodied, bat-wielding men, even though he knew deep down that it was Daryl. " _Speak when you're spoken to."_ Rick whimpered, again, flinching.  
"Y-yes."

*

Daryl sat atop the big truck, Lucille in hand. Half of the Saviours were with him, scrambling on the road to the Hilltop. He'd not discussed this with Negan, and that lurked in his gut a little. He'd not even felt the need to. Negan had told him to lead – so he lead. He didn't know what to do about Rick, or the kiss. Telling Negan would be unwise, but not telling him was worse. He'd tell him when he got better. His gut churned.

The Hilltop had suffered very few losses during the herd, thanks to Negan and the Saviours. The only thing Daryl worried about was Gregory, the leader. But he seemed like a massive coward, so it would probably be easier than feared. Still, underestimating people wasn't a good idea. Daryl knew the men feared Negan, and he could see that they feared him. They seemed to have an almost grudging respect for Daryl. He was a man to be feared – they knew that, but he also seemed more fair than Negan. He wouldn't kill anyone just for looking at him wrong. At least he hadn't yet.

Daryl had placed Rick with Negan. He knew it was risky, but there was no one he trusted more to keep Negan safe, as weird as it sounded. Rick loved him, and he knew if anything happened to Rick, Daryl would be devastated. Plus, Rick had seen what he did to the last person who hurt Negan. And Rick feared Negan. He'd never tell. At the back of his mind, a small voice whispered that Rick deserved to be put in a room with the man he feared the most. Daryl had changed in ways he didn't even know, and just holding the bat made him tap into the dark anger that lay hidden within.

They rolled up outside Hilltop, the gate opening upon their request. Gregory stood in the window of the house, and Daryl could already feel his skin crawl. He hadn't thought much about it, but that shitforbrains was not going to lead the Hilltop. As he stepped down from the truck, Lucille in hand, he heard his name called. He turned to see Maggie. _Fuck._ How do you tell your friend that you're now in love with the man who bashed her husbands brains in? Her face went from his face, to the bat in his hand, and her knees buckled.

 


	72. What did you do?

Daryls bedroom had plenty of sunlight. Rick was sitting on the floor, leaning on the wall. Negan was in bed, docs orders. He could walk, sure, but got dizzy really fast for some reason. The doc had said the bloodloss probably would have that effect, but a few days of rest and good eating would make him better. Doc knew better than to bullshit Negan. Negan studied Ricks face. He was looking down, he was clearly nervous, and Negan was in a shitty mood. He wanted someone to pay for it. And seeing as Dwayne was currently – and permanently – unavailable, he had to make someone else pay. He kept staring at Rick, noting every little thing. He looked more scared than usual. He looked guilty. _Huh. Interesting._

"Prick." He spoke softly, in that baryton velvet voice that made everything about him so confusing. Rick looked up, and like a small animal hypnotized by a snake, he froze. He looked right into those brown, warm eyes, and that dazzling smile, and remembered. Straight back to the clearing in the woods, he remembered every word, every humiliating second, and how he had crept for Negan – how he had begged and cried. "Don't think I can't punish you just because I'm bedridden", Negan purred. Rick swallowed. "I'm sorry." Negan smiled dangerously. He looked even more dangerous with a large bandage covering his ear and the part side of his head right above the ear.

"You've done something. I can smell the guilt on you like piss." Ricks heart started racing. He didn't understand why Daryl had placed him with Negan. Daryl said it was important, that he could trust him, but was that really it? He felt punished. He felt like child being scolded. He felt.. he felt angry, deep down. He just risked his life for Daryl. He just lost two fingers because of Daryl! And he got slapped for it. He looked up, fire starting to burn in his gut. "Yeah, I have." Negan sat back, considering the anger he could see giving Rick courage. "Well? What did you do, prick?" Rick stood up, and went further away from the bed, leaning on the door to the bedroom. "I kissed Daryl." 

 

 


	73. No dignity

"Did you kill him?", Maggie asked, breathing erratically on her knees. Daryl stopped dead in his tracks. He hadn't forgotten, but he hadn't thought about how he should handle this. Well, he had – he just hadn't decided anything. Negan would never go so unprepared into a situation, he berated himself. "Maggie", he said, as softly as his gravelly voice allowed. She was near sobs, hyperventilating. "Just – just tell me he's dead!" Daryl grit his teeth and pulled her up. "We will talk about this later", thus answering it in a way. He caught the eye of the guy they called Jesus, who took her away sobbing, a long glance on Daryl, eyes stopping at the bat. _That's all I am now. I am that bat. That's all they see._

The Saviours escorted him into the main hall of the big house. It was a beautiful house, and Daryl felt out of place, insecurity and the old Daryl creeping back into place. He gripped Lucille tighter, a sense of strength returning to him. He nodded to a Saviour, and ordered him to watch Jesus and Maggie. He gripped a blubbering Gregory who desperately tried to keep his dignity intact. Daryl didn't let him. Simon stepped into the office behind Daryl, shutting the door after them.

Gregory stumbled towards his desk, but Daryl pointed Lucille towards him, directing him to kneel on the carpet in front of the fireplace. "On your knees", Daryl growled. Simon was grinning by the door, amused by this new side to Daryl. He didn't have Negans effortless charm, but he sure didn't fuck around. "Whatever you want, we can arrange it, I'm sure, just say the word, just..." Gregory blubbered on the floor, all dignity forgotten. "Anything, huh?" Simon smirked, arms crossed, leaning on the wall. Daryl growled from the back of his throat. This was his kill, that's how it felt. He felt primal, savage, on the verge of using the bat again – on Simon this time, for speaking out of turn. He felt the darkness in him grow, the years of neglect and bad influence from his father, from his mother, from his brother, from being alone, living as an animal in the woods, fighting to live from day to day, in an age where boys his age played games, did sports, or started finding out that they liked girls – or not. He felt the darkness fester, feast on all the dark spots of his mind, all the bad feelings, and he wanted to feed them all to the bat in his hand.

"Anything? What would you give to stay in charge of this little shithole, huh? You can't even defend yourself, far less your people". Daryl spat in his face, rage showing clearly on the whiteknuckled grip on the bat. "Whatever you want, I can arrange it!" Gregory reached for Daryls pantsleg, and Daryl kicked his hand away in disgust, his boot hitting accidentally hitting Gregorys nose, causing it to bleed profusely, and Simon to crack up laughing. "Don't fucking touch me, you piece of shit". Daryl caught Simons eye, he winked, signalling that he wanted in on this. He swallowed his pride, and acknowledged that Simon had experience in this type of thing. "Whatever we want,huh? Anything you want, Simon?" Daryl growled. "Come to think of it", Simon opened his belt, "I would just _love a_ blowjob right now". He turned his back to Gregory, and winked to an appalled Daryl. Daryl played along. "Well? You heard the man. Get to it, Greg!" Gregory flushed red with indignation. "Surely, there's a woman more suited, better than me, I mean, you can have whichever one you want.." He stumbled over his words, speaking quicker as Simon came closer, pulling his zipper down slowly. "Is that so", Simon said. "Did you hear that, Daryl?" He turned, and zipped back up. -Yeah, I sure did. Get this motherfucker outside, and gather his people up". Gregory was lead away, still trying to negotiate.

Daryl sighed, leaning on the desk, Simon looking at him, amused. "Looks easy, doesn't it? Being the bad guy. Making all the tough calls. At least it does when he does it. Something else to be the guy holding the bat." He sauntered over to Daryl, and grabbed his shoulder, in a consoling manner, seeing how rough it was on Daryl to be that guy. How destructive it was to him. How it ate him up. Daryl swung at him with the bat, but Simon jumped back in time. "Don't touch me", Daryl snarled, more beast than man in that moment. "Fine, fine. All good", Simon smiled, handlebarmoustache twitching with humour, holding his hands up to signal that he yielded. "I'm just saying – we've got your back, till he's back holding the bat." Daryl looked at him, steely glint in his eyes. "Who says I'll give it back?" 

 


	74. Eye for an eye

"You kissed him?" Negans dark gaze stared Rick down. "Yeah. And he kissed me back." Rick was defiant, and maybe pushing it just a little. They stared at eachother for a little while, Negan with a smirk, and Rick with his chin up, defiant, but still fearful. "That's what the guilty face is for?" Negan laughed, hiding the hurt without effort, playing with a knife, rinsing his fingernails carelessly with it. "I thought you atleast killed a kitten. Or gave him a blowjob. I dunno, something." Negan kept smirking. Rick let out an almost inaudible breath of air, relief making his knees wobble.

Negan threw the knife, it hit the door next to Ricks head. Playtime was over. Negans smile was gone. The message was clear. Rick removed the knife from the door, throwing it on the dresser. "I won't give him up." Rick pushed himself into saying it. Negan stood from the bed, even slightly weakened still, he was towering over Rick. Rick had nowhere to run. He had orders not to leave the room, there were guards all around. _Daryls guards._ Negan leaned on the door, one arm on each side of Rick, blocking him from moving. Negan had that smile on his face, the one that he had right before dragging him like an unruly dog to the RV. Ricks guts churned. There was something about that twinkle he didn't like.

"You kissed him. Well, it's only fair to try, right? You've only had months and months with him pining over you, after all." Negan mocked, moving his face close to Ricks, their noses almost touching. "You answer to me." Negan purred into Ricks face, Rick starting to tremble with flashbacks, even though Lucille was nowhere in sight. "You provide for me", Negan continued, eyes staring directly into Ricks. "You belong to me", he growled, leaning his whole body closer to Ricks. "Right", Rick answered automatically, breaking eyecontact and looking down. He didn't want to admit it, but the fact that Negan was so close was more terrifying than that bat could ever be. "You don't get to tell him that I know. Do you understand?" Rick looked back up into Negans twinkling eyes. "What if I tell him anyways?" Rick whispered, Negans lips far too close for comfort. "Then I tell him you kissed me", Negan smiled, nose touching Ricks. "He won't believe you", Rick breathed, panic apparent on his face. "You're a shitty liar, Prick", Negan grinned. "And this won't be a lie." Negan stopped short of Ricks lips, just to whisper, lips moving so close Rick almost felt them on his.

"Your face when you saw Daryl with his lips around my cock was priceless." A sharp intake of breath from Rick told Negan the image of that was seared onto Ricks mind for-fucking-ever. "The reaction from you when Daryl was bent over the table", Negan murmured, leaning in closer, mouth on Ricks ear, warm breath confusing Rick. He closed his eyes, couldn't handle Negans gaze any longer, and the image of Daryl came back to him.

_Daryl, eyes glazed over, mouth eager in between Negans thighs. Head bobbing deep, deep, and Negans moaning.. Daryl bent over the table, so willing, so ready, and Negan so hard and ready to take him.  Daryl exploding in ecstacy while Negan held Ricks gaze._

Rick shivered as Negan kept whispering in his ear. "You're going to beg for it." Rick couldn't move without moving into Negans body, he couldn't move without physically removing Negan, and he felt the heat from his body on his own. Rick mumbled a weak ' _no_ '. Negans chuckle into his ear told him how little faith Negan had in that no. Negan continued whispering about Daryl in Ricks ear, and Rick stood there and took it. He couldn't do anything. He felt powerless, and he knew that Negan knew he felt powerless. "Right now, you're working up the balls to do something", Negan smirked. "You wanna rebel so bad", he underlined the last two words with a hip movement. "Daryl was just like that, at first", Negan grinned cruelly. Ricks eyes snapped open. Negan stood back a little, enjoying the effect the words had on Rick. "His dick was in my hand almost as quick as I had your balls in my pocket. He didn't want to give in, but when he did.." Negan gave a mocking whistle. Rick growled and shoved Negan. Negan, having anticipated Ricks move, grabbed hold of Rick, and they both landed on the bed. Negan landed with Rick on top of him. Rick was straddling him, and Negan grabbed hold of Ricks hips. "My, my, Rick.. I'm gonna have a lot to tell Daryl when he comes back, huh." Ricks heart was pounding, he didn't want to admit why, not even to himself, and he grabbed Negans arms, attempting to pin them to the bed. Negan was stronger, but tired from standing up and teasing Rick. He let Rick hold him, biding his time. Negan felt the jealousy in him grapple with fear of the consequences of his actions, and rage, and the need for revenge or at the very least retribution or evening the score. He had become used to having a willing Daryl around for whatever, whenever.

"What happens now, Rick?" Negan grinned, throaty voice giving away that he wasn't entirely unaffected by his own game. He missed Daryl. He hated missing people. Missing people meant you relied on people. He didn't like it. Rick held Negans hands loosely, and leaned in for what seemed to be the stupidest thing Rick had ever done.

Negans hand shot out from Ricks grip and grabbed him by the throat, when Rick was half an inch from Negans lips, a cold smirk making them even more irresistible. "I told you – _beg."_

 


	75. The truth will out

Daryl threw Gregory on the ground in front of the crowd. They seemed appalled at the treatment of their leader, and the bloodtrail from his nose, staining his clothes. "This is your leader?" Daryl pointed at Gregory, and shouted. "No. This is not a leader." He had their attention, compelling everyone with his rage. "This is a man who just offered up any woman we wanted, in exchange for ruling this place. Are you okay with that?" Daryl looked around at the women, some shook their heads violently. "Do you really want to be led by this worthless excuse of a man? Someone who will give you away against your will?" His eyes met Maggies.

She had begun to piece things together, even if it made no sense to her. All she knew was that Daryl was carrying the bastards bat, and he carried himself like a leader. If he had killed him, he would have told her. He hadn't, so the bastard was still alive. And Daryl had either bowed to him or joined him. She couldn't figure out why, but she had faith in Daryl – after all they'd been through. "In Alexandria we are ruled by Negan", Daryl continued, "By me." He looked around, meeting their gazes. "We have set down a council that answers to Negan, to us, that can bring up problems. That can deal with shit. And keep us alive. ALL of us." He looked weary, and ragged, and they could tell he was sincere. "Your council will consist of 5 people. I suggest Jesus and Maggie be two of them, and I suggest - _strongly-"_ Daryl put emphasis on the last word with Lucille pointing in Gregorys way, "That this douchebag isn't one of them."

He took one last look at all of them. "Now, my men took a hell of a risk saving all your asses from the herd. It's time to pay them some goddamn respect, and tribute." He waved them off, Gregory still kneeling in the dirt. "You can't do this. You don't have the power. Only he does." Gregory, finally growing a pair, whined miserably behind Daryl.

Daryl stopped, the crowd behind Gregory slowing down, to see how this would play out. Simon, observing from the sidelines, had a smirk on his face. He was pretty sure Gregory wouldn't like what came next. Maggie stood, leaning on Jesus, whose face was inscrutable, her eyes widening at what Daryl did next.

Daryl turned slowly, his eyes growing steadily darker, like a veil of clouds on the evening sky. Daryl pointed Lucille at Gregory, who fell backwards in an effort to escape the bat, muddying up his suit. "Who holds the bat?" Daryl asked, a silence had fallen over the crowd. Nothing was heard other than Daryl and Gregory. "Y-you do", Gregory answered, his tone like a question, as though he wasn't sure he was being actually asked that. "That's right", Daryls hoarse voice growled at him. "I carry _his_ bat. I _am_ him, as far as you're concerned". Gregory fell back, hands protecting his face, and Daryl put his boot of Gregorys throat, pushing down hard on his windpipe. "Hold him". Four Saviours held Gregory spread-eagled while Daryl, one foot on Gregorys chest now, aimed Lucille like a golf club at Gregorys crotch. He took a few practice swings while Gregory squealed in terror. "If I _ever_ hear that you've been misbehaving again.. in _any_ fucking way" – Daryl took another practice swing, stopping short an inch before impact. Daryl spoke while leaning Lucille forcefully on Gregorys crotch, making sure the barb wires were felt. "If I ever hear that again, I won't stop. Do you understand me?" Gregory nodded, snot and blood mixed on his face, with the mud from the ground. Daryl asked him, crouched down, bat resting on his shoulder, in what Simon thought was an almost obscenely Negan-like movement. "Who do you answer to?" Gregory looked down, and mumbled. Daryl struck him over the nose with the handle of the bat, making him spout a fresh batch of blood. "Speak up", Daryl growled. Gregory held onto his nose, whining and whimpering. "You, I answer to you." Daryl gave him a long hard look, and stood up.

 

"Who lives where now?" Daryl looked at the crowd. A woman with dark brown curly hair that was almost as dark as her skin, spoke up in a clear voice. "Gregory lives in the big house alone. We live out here." Daryl looked at Gregory, a snarl on his face speaking volumes. "What's your name?" He pointed at the woman. She looked like all of them, weary and wary, but she could have been anyone before all this. A mom, a teacher, a cop, a doctor – it really didn't matter anymore. She spoke with authority, and Daryl saw from her stance that she had backbone. "Tamasin." He pointed to her with the bat. "Tamasin will lead your council. For now – she is your leader, untill your council has voted over it."

People stood looking at him, completely still. They had no idea why he was doing any of this, it hit him suddenly. They didn't understand. How long had Negan kept them like farm animals, useful for food and supplies, couped up and stripped of their right of self? He felt a surge of anger run through him. It wasn't right. None of this was. He didn't want to think about it anymore, it was too much, it was too conflicting and painful. He swallowed it down. He'd deal with it later. Right now, he needed to be calm. "All of you, move into the big house. It's easier to protect eachother that way." He looked at them, the flock of sheep with a few bright eyes. "We need eachother, now more than ever. We live together, or we die alone." He turned, tears at the back of his throat threatening to come forth. He recognized the dead look in their eyes. People so downtrodden they had no will to change, just meekly doing as they were told. Was Negan responsible for that? Was he alone responsible for that? It hurt to think about, it hurt that he knew deep down that there was almost no limit to what Negan could do, that would make Daryl stop loving him.

He swallowed again, took a deep breath. He shouted at Simon, who had been watching closely this whole time, to bring half the food back to Alexandria. Gregory scurried away behind a building behind them. Daryl turned, gripping the bat closely. He went to Maggie, and looked at her from the corner of his eye, fringe covering most of his face. "Now we talk."

 


	76. Challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the slow update, I am having a writers block, that isn't a block - I just don't agree with the story that I'm writing. Wrote a one-shot yesterday to put some of the pressure off, but now I'm giving in. This is where the story wanted to go, even if I don't like it. Sorry for slowness again <3 Popcorn for all!

Rick was in bed, next to Negan. He was curled up in the fetal position, shame overpowering him. Negan had gone sour, the fun gone out of the little game he played. Sure, Rick had wanted to kiss him, or fuck him, whichever, he didn't really care, but he wasn't even kind of interested in Rick. Manipulating him was no fun, he was too easy, and he turned into a shivering mess everytime Negan went a little too far. He missed Daryl. _He missed being in charge._ The Daryl that had been there to place Rick with him as though he was a blubbering infant, was not the bitch that whimpered for his cock. That was for certain.

_You don't really love him, you know. You don't know what love even means._ The nagging voice at the back of his mind had snuck up on him again. _You let him take the lead. You let him rule you. Look at yourself, it's pathetic!_ Negan growled, the thoughts plaguing him. He wanted release from this thoughts, the darkness setting in on him. He needed to bring back the playfulness, the malice and the sociopath. He couldn't afford to let feelings in, he couldn't be that guy. Not when the feelings turned on him once he was alone. He was getting angry, the feeling of helplessness something he couldn't handle. "Rick." He nudged the man next to him.

Rick lay motionless, still sick to his stomach that he'd actually moved in to kiss _-no fuck, let's be real-_ the man that not only killed his friends, and fucked the man he realised that he felt more for than friendship. He'd want to punish him, he'd wanted to punish Daryl, he'd wanted to punish himself most of all. He felt Negan nudge him again. "Riii-iiick." He had no patience, but Rick was too tired to be afraid anymore. Sure, he could threaten to kill someone he loved. Sure, he could actually do it. But what could he do about any of it? Really? His only shot was to kill Negan – that's the only way this would get better, but then, would he really win? Would he really be any different from Negan? And what of Daryl? Killing Negan ...Rick shivered inwardly, remembering the look on Daryls face as he furiously bashed Dwaynes head into the ground. Not only would Daryl never speak to him again, or forgive him, at fucking best, but Daryl could actually kill him. There was nothing he could do. He was helpless. The state he'd been in since Negan appeared as an evil spirit to fuck up everybodys life, was significantly amplified. He was not only numb, but paralyzed. He couldn't feel anything but dread.

"Fuck, you're boring. There's no fight in you", Negan grumbled. "Youre right", Rick said. "You won". Negan harrumphed. "Won, my ass. What is this, the island of misfit toys? Shit, all I did was rough you up a little, conk a couple of your friends, and get you hard. Fucks sake." Rick turned around, answering in a whiny tone. "You didn't get me hard". Negan smiled. "Oh really?" Rick blushed. "I'll take that as a challenge, Puh-r-r-r-rick." Negan leaned in to kiss Rick, and hesitated only a moment, licking his lips, noting Ricks eyes flicker to his tongue, before drawing him in all the way.

 


	77. Reclaiming

Maggie stared at the bat in Daryls hand as he walked into the office in the main house. The others were already filing in, choosing their rooms and carrying their things in. Jesus supported her into the room, and stayed, after a look to Daryl, and the look on Daryls face. It was grim, and full of untold secrets. Maggie stood, even after Jesus directed her to a chair. Maggie stood silently, arms crossed. Her eyes were still fixated on the bat. Daryl leaned on the desk, bat still in hand. He placed it on the desk, within reach. He realised he did it, as he did it. The movements reserved for the crossbow had shifted, he now had automatic movements for the bat. The thought rattled him. How easy it was to change, how easy it was to adapt. How easy it was to be changed. He clenched his jaw, a stab of pain, as he thought of Negan, and how easily he had adapted from hate to love.

"You said let's talk, so let's talk. Why are you carrying his bat? Why isn't he dead? What's going on, Daryl?" Maggie couldn't hold her tongue anymore. Daryl swallowed. "I think you oughta sit down, Maggie." Her face fell, not sure what to expect, but sure as shit it wasn't anything good.

"When they put me in the back of that car, I was taken to the Sanctuary", Daryl started. Arms crossed, half-sitting, half-leaning on the desk, with his feet crossed, one heel to the floor. If there was such a thing as a posterboy for bodylanguage that said 'I'm feeling guilty and acting defensive' - Daryl would be that posterboy. He recounted the events as calmly, and plainly as he could. "I got a checkup from a doctor, and then I was taken to his office for misbehaving." Daryl didn't speak his name – there was no doubt who he meant. He was sure the way he spoke Negans name would give him away either way. "When I got to his office, the doctor finished his checkup, ,and I was left there. In his office. Alone with him." Maggie sat down, leaning her elbows on her knees, trying to work out what Daryl was about to tell, trying to figure out his expression.

"He.. made me behave. He had a picture of Carol, he threatened to kill her. He'd staked us out. He knew who meant something to me. To all of us." He gestured, trying to explain, and felt a sting of pain this was so short a while ago. Had Negan manipulated him so easily? Even his feelings? Another sting of pain, this one apparent on his face. Maggie hurt from watching him, Jesus looked at them both, concerned. "He.. we.." Daryl stumbled, looked around for words. How did he explain what had happened?

"He touched me", Daryl settled on, eyes pinned to the floor, hair covering his face. A sharp intake of breath from both Maggie and Jesus. "Did he... ?" Daryl grit his teeth before baring steel in his eyes, bracing for the impact, and meeting Maggies eyes. She deserved the truth. "Did he rape me? I.." He swallowed. "Maybe at first it wasn't what I wanted. But then it was." Maggie sat back, a sob of shock stuck in her chest. Jesus looked at Daryl with wonder. Soft eyes scanning the hunter from bottom up. The change in posture, the change in demeanor. "You fell for him", he stated. It wasn't a question. Daryl met Jesus' eyes. "Yeah. I did." Maggie made a sound in between a sob and dry heaves. "How...? How could you?" Daryl didn't need to see her face to feel her pain. "He's a monster! He killed Glenn – he killed Abraham!" Daryl looked away, pain flooding through him. He didn't know. He just knew that it felt like he couldn't breathe whenever he thought about Negan not being in his life.

"Dunno." He clammed up, the old Daryl seeping in through the cracks. He took a second to gather himself while Maggie started pacing the room. "I.. We.. He fell for me too", he finished lamely. Jesus nodded as though this made perfect sense. Maggie shook her head as she paced the room, arms crossed and fury on her face. "You fell for him?" She repeated, her voice shrill. Jesus followed her movements closely, waiting to step in if she became violent. "He bathed me", Daryl said, almost pleading. "He fed me, clothed me, he made sure my wounds healed." Maggie exploded. "Wounds that he inflicted, yeah!" Jesus held her back, holding her back while staring at Daryl. "You slept with him more than once", Jesus said, quietly. Daryl looked away, a shameful flush on his cheeks. Maggie lost it, struggling in Jesus' strong grip, until she ran out of air.

"Yeah." Daryl waited till Maggies no longer was moving as though she wanted to claw his eyes out. "He came onto me, kinda", Daryl started, not sure how to accurately put things into words. "It felt like he put me on a leash, at first.Like a pet." Another blush as he recalled just how literal that statement was. "And then it ..changed. He changed." Daryl stared into nothingness before turning to face them. His posture changed, as he went through the history they shared in his mind. "We're...together." Maggie went almost limp in Jesus firm grip, lost for words. "He wants us all to work together now. He listens to me." Intensity crept into his voice. "He even took a bullet for me!" The last words he almost shouted. "I can't help this anymore than I could help what I felt about Rick." Maggie mouthed 'Rick?!' He fell to his knees in front of Maggie. "I can't help it." Tears falling from his eyes, she looked at him with a mix of wonder and disgust. "I can't believe this. I can't even look at you." Daryl stood abruptly, and wiped his face as Simon threw one of the Saviours to the floor. "Here, boss. This piece of shit decided to attack one of the girls. How do you wanna handle it?" Daryl grabbed Lucille, it felt like a natural extension of his arm by now. "Bring him out the front." Daryl stopped, eyes filled with pain, and sent Maggie one last glance as he followed Simon out. "I'm sorry."

 


	78. Trial

The crowd gathered again, wondering what it was this time. The Saviour in question was on his knees, Simon holding him steady. Daryl looked them all, knowing he was now judge, jury and executioner. "Bring the girl here." He was an impressive sight, broadlegged and grim, the bat resting on his shoulder. He looked more confident than he ever had. He lead naturally, more naturally than he ever had before. The girl stepped forward, a nervous little thing that reminded him of Beth. Blonde and frail, she shivered, not taking her eyes off the bat for one second. Daryl knelt in front of her, to get eyecontact. "What's your name?" She whispered almost inaudibly, but Daryl heard it. "That's a nice name", Daryl said, the girl calming some. "How old are you?" She spoke, a little louder this time. "Fourteen." A quick grimace, an almost snarl that faded as soon as it came, made the girl flinch. Rage pulsed through Daryl at this point, mixed with the cocktail of emotion from the conversation with Maggie. "Can you tell me what happened?" Daryl asked, straining to sound calm. If the girl found him condescending, she didn't show it. "He told me to be quiet and.." She flushed, looking down, as her voice faltered. "Whisper it to me", Daryl asked. "If I don't know what happened, I won't know what to do about it – how to help." She considered this and nodded. Leaning in, she whispered, and as she whispered, a few tears were shed. Daryls face remained forcefully stony. "Thank you", he said to her. "Go to your.." he almost said mother, but who knew where her mother was. She could be a walker, long gone by now. "Go to your people", he finished.

He stood, bat in hand, lowered to the ground, and sought everyones eyes. The people of the Hilltop, the Saviours, the girl, Jesus and Maggie. He met each and everyone of those stares with his, lit with fury and pain. At last he met the eyes of the man on the ground. He whimpered, seeing the judgement in Daryls eyes. "Simon! You said to me, this man attacked this girl?" Simon nodded. "I caught him trying to tear her jeans off." Daryl narrowed his eyes and stared down the man in front of him, an unremarkable man, pale, with brown hair, and plain features. "I have heard their sides, now speak." "I didn't do it, Simons setting me up, I didn't, I swear!" He started sobbing. He looked at Simon again, distrust too apparent for his liking, but he had never been good at concealing his emotions.

He looked at the girl whose eyes kept darting from the Saviour to Simon to him. He decided. "Who here speaks for this girl? Who vouches for her?" He looked at them all. One by one, the people of Hilltop raised their hands. He nodded. "This mans life is at stake. Are you still willing to vouch for her?" A few hands came down. Most remained, including Simons. Daryl nodded. "Who here speaks for Simon? Who vouches for his honesty?" All the Saviours hands rose, except the man on the ground. Daryl nodded again. "And who here speaks for this man? Who can vouch for him?" He looked around, not a single hand was raised. A few glances were cast on Simon, but no one spoke. He glanced coolly at the man, met Maggies eyes, and watched her shrink away in disgust. He tightened his grip on the bat before he swung it. THWAK! THWAK! THWAK! Bloodied, he stopped beating only when the body stopped spasming. He looked at Simon, who looked as cheerful as ever, hands on his hips. "No rapes, then. Good to know!" Daryl spoke again, with a raspy breath. "There is only one punishment for rape. Burn the body, get his gear first." Maggie was reduced to a shivering mess, fallen to flashbacks of Glenns death. Jesus sent a long searching look at Daryl before carrying her inside.

Full of doubt that he did the right thing, Daryl went to wash up. He found a bucket, and cleansed himself. His arms, his face. He didn't touch the clothes, those had blood all over them anyway. Last he gently dipped the bat in, washing it off. He felt a calm fall over him as he cleansed it, the repetative action soothing. It was as though he washed away all of his actions, by washing it clean. As though each speck of blood gone, meant that he had done right.

As he returned to the main area, he heard screaming. Gregory was backing away from them towards the cars, a hand around Maggies throat, and a knife pressed to her back.

 


	79. This is what we do

_This is what we do, in crisis. We push forward. Through the pain. This is what makes us human. This is what keeps us alive._

 

The shovel hit the ground, again and again. Soil and dirt buried Maggie and her unborn child, covering their bodies. Everyone was crying. Daryl was nowhere to be seen. Negan stayed away, he didn't have any ties to Maggie, and it would only upset people. Lucille was leaning on Daryls bed. Negan was more than furious. He would have handled things differently. Well, maybe not. Maybe he would have done things exactly like Daryl did. Maybe that pisses him off too. Now Daryl was gone, he took off on his own, and Negan had no control. No real control anyway. He hadn't had any real control since Daryl came into the picture.

*

 _Their lips met, both filled with anger and frustration. Hot, sweaty bodies writhing. Both thinking of the same person, both wanting that someone else. They kissed, hungry for something to fill that dark void within. Clothes torn off eachothers bodies. An impatient unbuckling of belts. And the relief in that moment when one of them managed to see this for what it was. "Stop. We can't do this."_  
  
_The creak of a door. They spun around. He'd seen them. He'd seen everything. The bat, thrown to the floor, made a dull sound. Daryl looked at Rick, shirt off, belt open, on the bed. "Maggie's dead." Then he left, without a glance at Negan. Negan felt his world shake and tumble away from him._

*

In the woods,evening sun setting, Daryl sat, under a tree, sobbing, for all the things he'd lost that day.

 


	80. Coward

_"Stop, Gregory!" Daryl called out. "Give me the carkeys!" Gregory shouted. "Sure thing", Simon grinned, palms open. Behind Gregory spotted a Saviour, who had hung back to watch the cars. He crept steadily closer, but as Simon tossed the carkeys Gregorys way, and Gregory stretched for them, the Saviour went for it. They tumbled, and in the skirmish, Maggie cried out. They pulled her away, but it was too late. The knife penetrated her stomach, blood was pouring out of her. Daryl held her in his arms, and watched the life leave her eyes. Gently, he took his knife and made sure she wouldn't be another walker._

Daryl remembered that. He remembered the blade sinking into her skull, he remembered carrying her to the truck, placing her in a cloth. He didn't remember – didn't _want to_ remember – what happened next. Leaning back on a thick treetrunk, tears formed in his eyes.  
  
_Stepping closer to Gregory, who was now crawling backwards on the ground, Daryl snarled, knife in hand. The bat lay forgotten behind him in the mud already stained by blood. Gregory turned and made a run for it. Daryl pounced, more animal than man, and knocked him to the ground. He growled "Hold him down!" Two Saviours immediately came to, pinning him down. In front of the entire town of Hilltop, Daryl leaned over their former leader, and whispered. "This is what happens to cowards", his eyes filled to the brim with savage hatred and madness. Gregory shouted for help, for mercy, but there was none. Who would protest against it, who would stand up to Daryl, or to a Daryl maddened with grief and pain? They had already seen him bash one man to death. Daryl plunged the blade into Gregorys gut, Gregory spluttering out noises he couldn't even begin to think of as words. Daryl snarled as he kept carving, after a while it was apparent what he was doing. A C-shape was carved into Gregorys torso, from below his navel to his chest. Guts spilling from the wound, but Daryl was not finished. He grabbed an axe from Simons belt, hands bloodied and his face still wild, no one stopped him. He hacked away at Gregorys chest, stuck his arm into the crescentshaped wound, and pulled out Gregorys heart. Still beating in his hand, he squished it, blood squirting out of it, running down his arm. He stabbed Gregory quickly between the eyes, and then went for the nearest wall. He plunged the knife through the beating heart in his hand, effectively nailing it to the wall with it. He turned to the crowd who stood in shock. He wanted to scream at them. "The next leader will NOT be like him! You work WITH me, and you don't end up like him! Do you understand me?!" He did scream. He didn't realise how terrified people were untill he saw the eyes of the girl from before. She looked more afraid of him than of the man who tried to rape her._

_"You allright, there, Boss?" Simon asked, as they were driving back, bat resting on Daryls lap. He hadn't bothered to clean himself up this time. They did, however, take the time to string Gregorys body up outside the fence, before they left. As a reminder, or a warning. "Just drive", Daryl answered. He needed to go back, he needed Negan. He needed him more than he would ever admit. He had become dependant on him, and he longed for the ease of the leash. The relief of not leading, the relief of just doing as you were told, and being good at it, was all he wanted. He needed release._

Daryl climbed the tall tree, an old oak, and laid in the crown of it. Leaves had turned, orange and red around him. He was invisible to the world. Curled up in the tree, Daryl fell asleep, exhaustion getting the better of him.

 


	81. Time out

Negan didn't know how to describe it, that need that urged him to fuck with Ricks head. An outlet for his own insecurity perhaps, or was it just a desire to remain the man in control – the man who could control everyone – not relying on anyone? He couldn't think. Everything hurt. Rick had bolted after Daryl left, leaving him alone, ragged and broken. He saw Rick break as well – not just from the look on Daryls face, not just from that, but from Maggies death. He thought back on breaking Rick again, the time he'd first met them all. How he had killed Abraham. How he had killed Glenn. He remembered the ferocity he had had. He remembered powering through it, fully embracing the madness of what this world had come to.

_Hot, writhing bodies. Hungry mouths. Rick pawing at him, desperate for whatever could be given to him. Negan wanting to punish Daryl, punish Rick, punish himself. Doing this would destroy everything, cut all the ties, it would make everything easier. He could go back. Not unscathed, but he'd go back without this loss of control, this pain and uncertainty. Ricks shirt was opened. He tasted salty, tears on his face, why Negan never asked. He didn't want to know. Negan threw him on the bed, and stopped. "Stop."  Negans voice was rusty._

Daryl had shown him another way. He could still be in control. He could still be that guy. He didn't want to rule with an iron fist – not more than needed. He didn't want to kill people that didn't deserve it, just to make them learn that any resistance would be pointless. He would still kill the ones that he had to, but maybe there was another path to take. But his power lay mostly in his rules, in his enforcement of the rules and how he controlled people. It wasn't about how he wanted to rule them all, but it was what was most practical and safe – for him. An army of his followers would make him safe as long as he stuck to his rules. Safety in numbers was the only safety nowadays. But it had a cost. He needed to accept that. He was Negan. He straightened his back, and called for Simon.

_He knew he couldn't do it. He'd already done too much. For all he was, for all he wanted to be, he was Daryls, completely, mind, body and soul. There was no going back from this. There was no going back from love. He knew what he'd done was despicable in the old days, he knew he was one of the men he would have killed, but he couldn't face it. He pushed it to the back of his mind. He needed Daryl to get through this. He needed Daryl. There. With him._

The ever-grinning right hand man entered, Negan feeling sour already, just from Simon being cheerful. "Go fetch that fucker. I don't care how you bring him back, but bring him back. Alive - and uharmed,if possible." A snarl on Negans face, darker than Simon had ever seen before, wiped the smile off his face. "Sure thing, boss!" As Simon left, he cast a glance over his shoulder at Negan, and the anger in his face terrifying even Simon.

 


	82. Gogetter

Simon gathered a small messenger bag with supplies. A bottle of vodka, some water, a bag of beef jerky, and some crisps. A big machete, and Daryls crossbow, taken from a fellow Saviour who had taken a shine to it, strapped to his back, and a gun. He waited for the crowd to disperse at Maggies funeral, and grabbed a hold of Rick by the scruff of his neck. "Go to Negan. You guys need to have a talk". He escorted Rick to Daryls door, where Negan was waiting inside. As Rick meant to open the door, Simon called out. "Does your boy Daryl have anywhere he likes to be, like, to be alone?" Rick shrugged, he had no idea. Simon harrumphed. "Some friend you are." Rick looked like he took it to heart, and Simon rolled his eyes. "What a bunch of dramaqueens. You'd think we had bigger fish to fry", he mumbled to himself.

  
*

Rick entered the hallway, and saw Negan standing in the kitchen. "Let me ask you something, Rick." Negans barytone rumbled through the room, even if he spoke softly. "Did you want to fuck me, or did you just want to punish yourself?" Rick wasn't expecting that at all. "I.." He looked down, walking into the kitchen. "I think mostly the last." Rick swallowed, shame flushing through him. "But.. also a heat of the moment-thing." They stood at each end of the kitchen, wary, watching eachother in glances. Negan had a slow smile on his face, the one that crept onto his face when he knew someone was drawn to him – he couldn't help that. "I'm not gonna lie Prick, you're a good kisser. But I don't wanna fuck you either." Rick let out a shaky breath. He was relieved, and a tiny bit disappointed. "I guess I just.. was mad at him", Rick said. "I wanted to hurt him." He kicked at invisible dust on the floor. Negans jaw clenched. "And we did." Their eyes met, and Rick saw to his surprise that Negans eyes were far from dry. "So how do we fix this?" Negan looked away first, uncomfortable with showing that much emotion to someone he not long ago thought of as an enemy to be crushed under his boot. "What?" Rick stammered. Negan looked at him, anger in his face, the anger directed at himself. "We fucked it up. We have to fix this. You've known him longer than me, so how, how do we fix this?" Rick was speechless.

*

"Daryl?" Simon went through the woods. He felt like little red riding hood, with his messenger bag and weapons. A walker snarled from behind a tree, and he struck it down easily, it's rotting insides spreading on his boots. "Fucking gross", he murmured. He heard a rustle. Could be anyone, sure, but he felt positive it was Daryl. Simon smiled, then made his face look serene. "Daryl! Negan is badly injured." He stopped in front a majestic oak where the rustling sound came from.

Daryl looked at Simon, noticing the bodylanguage, saw the crossbow, and the serene expression on Simons face. It didn't feel like it was true, but he couldn't let that nagging feeling rule. What if it was? What if he was hurt? He moved, pushed a small branch away from his face. "What happened to him?" Simon looked up, and couldn't see Daryl at first, but when he saw him, smiled and started climbing the tree.

 


	83. Simon says

The treecrown rustled as Daryl moved to let Simon into his private sphere. Simon sat down, handing Daryl the crossbow as he did so. "This is your hideyhole, huh? It's nice. Good cover." Daryl sat down as well, handling the crossbow with care, his fingers gingerly touching it, making sure it was all right. Somehow it flooded him with emotion, holding it and seeing it again, feeling the weight of it inhis hands. Simon emptied the contents of his bag, one thing after another, next to them, while keeping a close eye on Daryl, taking a mental note of the small movements his fingers did while checking that the weapon was allright. Daryl knew Simon watched him, but he couldn't stop himself, he had to check it for damages, it was the right thing to do – he knew that – but even so, it felt almost _intimate._

Simon said nothing, but he saw the shift in Daryl. He'd been one man with the crossbow, another with the bat, and yet another without either. "I brought lunch", Simon grinned. "So he's not injured?" Daryl said, scowling at Simon from under his heavy fringe. Simon smiled again. "Nah, I lied. Sorry 'bout that. Had to smoke you out somehow." He winked. Daryl felt a flash of anger at Simon, and then a tidal wave of relief. Negan was okay. Daryls relief was so apparent Simon had to chuckle. "Well, you know what they say, hm?" Daryl looked up. "If you don't wanna piss on their grave, you still love 'em." Daryl felt a smile tug on his lips.

Simon tossed him the bag of jerky, and a bottle of water. "Here, eat something. He'll kick my ass if you don't." Daryl caught it, and drank the water without hesitation. He was parched. "He sent you for me?" Simon smiled, as he dug into the chipsbag. "Yeah, he's talking to Rick right now, but he did tell me to bring you the fuck back, alive and unharmed. He specified that", Simon said, waving a chipflake at Daryl for emphasis. Daryl grunted, a sting in his chest from hearing that Rick was with Negan right now.

"Now, he said bring you back howeverthefuck I wanted, and I'm hoping for a peaceful resolution, seeing as how I brought you back your crossbow, and lunch." Simon curled up the chips bag and stuck it back in the messenger bag. Daryl spoke, tossing back the beef jerky. "What if I don't want to go back?" Simon chuckled. "Come on. You couldn't leave him if you tried." Daryl flushed. Simon looked at Daryl, leaning back on a thick branch. Daryl didn't speak, he just stared into space, angry because Simon was right. Even with the image of Negan and Rick seared into his mind, he longed to be held by Negan, to be owned by him again. "Look", Simon said, hands behind his head, resting, casual. "You kissed Rick, right." Daryls head jerked up. Simon shrugged. "I heard Rick say it, I was going in there, and then I turned riiight back around and left." Simon chuckled, eyebrows raised as if to say 'know what I mean?'. "It wasn't that long before you walked in on 'em, actually." Daryls eyes darkened. Simons gaze was level. "Listen, you fucked up. He fucked up. Everyone fucked up, k?" He threw his arms up. "I'm just.. I'm just the guy that is here to get you back." Daryl nodded to the bottle. "What's with the vodka?" Simon smiled, leaning back. "Well, I am tired after a hell of a week, and while he said get you back, alive and unharmed, he did not specify sober. So, we're gonna play a game, and whoever wins gets to go home and take the glory for..." he waved, "Taking your ass back home," he finished trying to goad Daryl into taking the bait. Daryl found comfort in maybe going back in a stupor, not having to deal with anything, really. At least if he had to face them, he might be too drunk to feel the pain, or to hurt anyone. He looked at the bottle again. "So..what game?" Simon smiled.

 


	84. Sunshine

Simon cracked his knuckles, and opened the bottle. "Never have I ever.." he started. "No", Daryl said, voice hard. "Not that one." The hurt was still too fresh from that one. Simon saw the shadow of grief in Daryls eyes and nodded. "Fine. I would ask ya to play truth or dare, but I'm not that interested in ya, nor do I have a deathwish, so how about One truth-one lie?" Daryl looked at him curiously, ignoring the teasing in the words. "What's that?" Simon took the bottle in hand, and sat a bit closer to Daryl, feet resting at Daryls side, Daryls one foot resting at Simons side, one knee up with his elbow resting on it. "I tell one truth and one lie, and if you guess which is which, I drink. Then you go." Daryl nodded.

  
Simon leaned back. "Allright. I'll start easy on ya. One truth, one lie. One, I've fucked your precious Negan – two, I've got fourteen inch boner and it's all for you." Daryls eyes widened in shock. Simon blurted out laghing. "I'm bullshitting ya, I couldn't help it, bwahahahaha. Sorry, sorry." Simon tried to stop laughing, as Daryl scowled. "Aight, aight, I've got one. I've not gotten laid since this thing started, ooooor I used to own fourty goldfish all called Pete." Daryls quizzical expression, made him chuckle again. "Goldfish. That's the lie", Daryl said, cautiously. Simons grin widened. "Correct! They were all named Bob!" Simon took a chug from the bottle, before handing it to Daryl. "Your turn." Daryl didn't want to give to much away, he felt uncomfortable. "I had a brother named Merle", he said slowly, "And an old man named Earl". Simon chuckled. "Merle is definitely the lie", he said, although he didn't think it was. He saw the shadow in Daryls face, the man being easier to read than an open big with big fucking letters. "Wrong", Daryl growled. Simon accepted the bottle, and took another swig. "Ok, so .. I have never fucked my boss, or...I never had a boss before all this." He grinned, being satisfied that he made it tricky, the vodka already having an impact.

Daryl looked at him, really studied his eyes, and thoughtfully analyzed his general demeanor. "You ain't never had a boss before", he said. "That's the truth." Simon looked pleased. "I'll take that as a compliment. I'm charming enough to fuck my boss? Well, she seemed to think so too", he winked. "Drink". Daryl was confused, he didn't know whether he had won or lost, that one. They both drank.

*

"Ok,ok, a good one", Simon grinned, a quarter left in the bottle now, and the sun heating them both up comfortably. Daryl was only slightly buzzed, while Simon was good on his way to drunk. They were now playing Truth or drink which was truth or dare without the dare-part. And if you didn't want to answer the question, you drank. A warm feeling in Daryls chest made him feel at ease, and Simon was very easy to be around. "Have you ever fucked someone on that bike of yours?" Daryl scoffed. "No, what the fuck, man." A moment of seriousness as Simon drank and Dary accepted the bottle. "Why did you really come get me?" Simon grabbed the bottle, but Daryl stopped him, their hands touching. "No, really." Simon let go of the bottle and sighed. "Maybe I was curious what all the fuzz is about. Maybe I wanted to see why the coldest, cruelest man I've ever met, turns into a whiny, needy bitch around you. Maybe I wanna see why your man Rick, who must be fucking blind, couldn't see what everyone else could see. And then he couldn't not see it. And maybe I just wanted to score some points with the big man." He added, with a cheeky grin, "And maybe I sorta see it now." Daryl took a drink. "You're so full of shit", grinning as well. Simon nodded. Daryl took a drink, just enjoying a few hours of timeout in the apocalyptic hellhole of a world that seemed intent to shit on him and everyone else.

He knew he had to go back soon, they both did. Before sunset. He didn't want to deal with it, but he knew he had to. "You're scared to go back, huh", Simon said. Daryl looked at him, gut sinking away from that warm calm. "Not scared.. I just.. I don't want to deal with, y'know?" Simon smirked. "Well, sounds like you're scared to me. Do you even know which one you love more?" Images of both men flashed before Daryls eyes, one lingering longer than the other. "Yeah. Yeah I do." Simon looked at him, really looked,  a ray of sunlight shining down on Daryls head, leaving his face in shadow. "And it scares you." Daryl looked up, raw fear in his face,nodding slightly. Naked vulnerability gave Simon a need to protect the other man. He understood it now. He understood how easy it is to fall for someone who feels everything so honestly, and who let everything out in the open. Someone who carried his heart on the outside of his chest. "Fuck", Simon chuckled, taking a last gulp of the bottle, before handing it to Daryl. "Drink up, sunshine. You're gonna need it."

 


	85. More than words

 

"Where the fuck is he? What if something happened to him?" Negan was a wreck, a ball of anger and guilt and fear. All he wanted was to take it back, go back to the easy morning in the safehouse. He thought back, he knew he wasn't an angel, but.. He didn't want to continue like he had. He couldn't. With his wife, there was always the next woman, someone else to fill the urgent need he had sometimes. He could charm anyone. He knew that. It was fun, and risky, and he had to let it go. Daryl wouldn't survive it if he kept doing it, and he had to admit it to himself – he didn't want to survive in a world without Daryl. Survival for survivals sake felt empty, no matter what power he had, no matter what he could do. Daryl had awakened the humanity in him, something he thought he'd put down a long time ago. He growled at Rick, who had insisted on staying, to apologize. Rick looked down, feeling less fearful of Negan, than he had since he met him. He was a man, like all others. Not a goliath or monster, just a very smart and very ruthless man, adapting to the world around him, doing what he needed to do to survive. Realising that, Rick thought to himself, he should be even more afraid of him now.

*

Daryl stumbled through the door, placing the crossbow on the floor. The vodka made him feel brave, and the additional moonshine he and Simon had stumbled over like a godsend, made him reckless. It was well after sunset. Simon had stumbled off to the Saviours houses for sleep, and Daryl went for his house. He saw two shadows in the kitchen window. He heard mutterings from inside, but he couldn't decipher it.

"Daryl!" Negans relieved outburst set of a fit of rage Daryl didn't know he had in him. "Oh, aren't yall upstairs, fuckin' in my bed? I thought you'd still be at it, since I came in and interrupted yall before." Rick stood up from his seat at the table, a table Daryl just now realised were set for two, with lit candles that were halfway burnt down. "Oh, but I've clearly interrupted your romantic fucking dinner, so excuse me, I'll just get my shit and go," he seethed. "Daryl!" Negans tone was more of a man speaking to a disobedient dog than his lover.

Daryl froze. "We kissed. We stopped. That was it." Negans voice was calm, low, like someone trying to lure a small animal to not move before catching it without mercy. Negan moved slowly forward, with the same expression on his face Daryl was sure he had when he'd tried to catch the horse. Rick spoke too, pleading. "I'm sorry, Daryl, it was just that. It shouldn't have happened but it did." Daryl glared at them both. "You. You let me pine after you for months, as an egotrip, and when I'm finally with someone, then you figure it out. When it's too late, then you see the fucking light." Daryl was up in Ricks face, snarling, and Rick could smell the alcohol on  his breath. "And then, as if shit wasn't fucked up enough, you kiss me, right when I'm getting my head around falling for the fucking enemy. What the fuck is wrong with you, you entitled piece of shit?!" Spit from Daryls angry rant landed on Ricks face, and Rick wiped it off. "I specifically told you to back off, that I didn't want anymore advances from you, and you fucking did it anyway. Don't you have a shred of fucking decency?" Daryl waved at Negan, while looking at Rick. "And then what, you decide to punish me by fucking my boyfriend? I thought we were fucking friends, this shit isn't what friends do!" Rick heard the hurt crack up Daryls voice. Rick nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry. There's nothing else I can say, I'm sorry." Daryl knew Rick meant it, he could tell, but he was too angry to give Rick the confirmation he wanted.   
  
"And you!" He glared at Negan. "Fuck you." Daryl couldn't help it, hot tears were falling down his face, and Negan hurt for every single one of them. "What you did.. You took me. You fucking kidnapped me. You _made me_ love you." Daryl kept backing up, while Negan, pain evident on his face, came closer."I made dinner for you, to explain, to tell you why." Negan was close, Daryl backed into a wall. He punched weakly into Negans chest, over and over till Negan took his hands and pinned them to the wall. Negan kissed away Daryls tears in between words. "To tell you I was scared." Whispering into Daryls ear, Negan glanced at Rick, who was standing by, uncomfortable but he knew he had to endure it, whatever Daryl wanted to throw his way, he had it coming. "To tell you I love you. And that I'm sorry." Negan murmured.  "And then you took it away.Why?!" Daryl cried, rage and tears and hurt. "Because I was scared", Negan said, while the only man he had ever loved wept.

 


	86. Breaking

Negan kissed away Daryls tears, and tried to kiss Daryl. Daryl exploded in another fit of rage. "No! You don't get to do that. You don't get to just kiss or fuck me and it's all okay. It's not fucking okay." The hurt in Daryls eyes was deeper than what came from Negan and Rick kissing. Negan understood why. _You made me love you._ He grew cold with fear. "You took me. You fucking took me." Daryl cried, falling apart, anger disappating, while sadness overcame him. "Go home, Rick." Negan said. Rick hesitated for a second, while Negan picked up Daryl, who had slid down the wall, and was crying on the floor. Daryl in his arms, Negan went up the stairs to the bedroom, and gently placed him on the bed. He started undressing Daryl, removing his boots, belt and pants first, laying them over a chair. Daryl was half asleep.

Negan got a glass of water, and a bucket for the side of Daryls bed. He felt sick to his stomach. He knew what Daryl meant, he knew what he had done, and he knew why he had done it. Daryl pined after Rick for months. Negan had done the same - but he was less of a patient man. Ten days, fourteen, he had scouted the camp out. Catching every glimpse he could of the hunter, strong, lean and quiet. He had wanted him so bad. And Daryl was right. He took him. He took hold of him in any way he could. He couldn't resist. Negans mood grew darker by the minute.

*

Daryl woke up when the room was dark, nature calling. He stumbled to the bathroom, and on his way back he saw Negans dark shape, asleep in the chair next to the bed. He felt a pang to the heart, remembering what he'd said to him and to Rick. He grabbed the second duvet, and placed it over Negan, moving his feet gently onto the other chair, removing Negans shoes. He wanted to wake him and curl up next to him, feel the safety of his bodyheat next to him. He got back into bed, trying to fall asleep, but not succeeding for a long time.

 


	87. Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ost – Disturbed – The sound of silence

Negan wasn't there when he woke up. There was no crumpled heap of clothes on the floor. No warm body next to him. No warm smile and dimples that made his heart sing with delight. Negan wasn't in the chair. He wasn't in the bathroom. Daryl lay silently in bed listening for Negan. For anything that could be Negan. The silence was overwhelming. He sat up, and noticed a note on his nightstand, folded twice, with his name on it. Trembling, he took it and opened it.

_I'm sorry._

That was all. He knew that was a lot for Negan - he knew yesterday had been a lot for Negan. His heart started beating hard. He jumped out of bed, note in hand, and got dressed. There was no sound of anyone in the house. Negans bag was gone. The bat was gone. His crossbow was still there, he noted. The dinner from yesterday was still on the plates, Negans side untouched, another note on top of what must be Daryls plate, that had an overturned bowl on top. He ran to it, heart pounding, thundering. He put the other one in his pocket, and as he reached for the second note, his hands were shaking.

_I'm sorry._

Half a stroke was after the sorry, as though he had wanted to write more, but had thought better of it. Daryl got a sinking feeling in his gut, and held the note, trembling. He only noticed that tears were falling from his face when they hit the paper, hitting the ink, smearing it out. He stood, shivering, before falling to his knees. He couldn't even think of starting out to the hall, he didn't want to confirm his suspicions.

*

"Daryl?" Rick opened the door, and heard a sound from the kitchen. Daryl, in a heap on the floor, crying with a crumpled note in his hand, made it feel like his heart cracked open. For all Daryls courage and survival skills, no one had taught him how to live, how to love – how to protect his battered heart. And Rick wanted to protect him, now that he saw things clearly. "He's gone", Daryl whimpered, utterly defenseless and broken down. "He's gone." Rick fell to his knees next to him, and pulled him close. "I know", Rick whispered. "I know."

Daryl wept, heart utterly broken. "He left me. Again." And Rick started crying with him, heart filled with guilt.

 


	88. Sanctuary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ost - Louis Armstrong - What a wonderful world

Simon was unbearably cheerful on the way to the Sanctuary. Negan wanted to bash his brains in just for that. "The fuck are you so happy about," Negan growled at his right hand man. Simon grinned. "Heading home, it's a bright day", he gestured to the sun and blue skies. Negan made a non-committal grunting sound. _Home.._ For a second, a silly daydream came to him. Negan and Daryl, living in a small cot, just the two of them, loving and living, in peace. Growing vegetables maybe. He clenched his jaw. That would never happen. This whole thing was stupid. Being in love was stupid. A small voice whispered at the back of his head - _he kept you human. That's not stupid._

Negan looked out of the window. All he wanted to do was go back. It was more a physical, primal need, than an urge. A longing in the depths of his stomach. But Daryl had said his piece, and what Negan thought Daryl wanted, was to be left alone. For good. He should have known it wouldn't last. He _had_ killed his friends. He _had_ manipulated him. He _had_ used him. There was no use pussyfooting around it. He didn't know how else to do right by Daryl, than to let him be. He wanted to do the right thing. And if he hoped at the very depth of his heart that Daryl would come to him, to show him that he chose him of his own free will, that there was no manipulation involved.

Simon kept humming and whistling, and Negans face turned more and more into a grim, locked down grimace. "Will you shut the fuck up?" Negan barked, after it became unbearable. Simon smiled. "I think it's adorable." Negan looked at him with confusion. "What?" Simon grinned, swerving the car effortlessly away from a pile of walkers in the middle of the road. "You being all lovesick over Daryl." Negan let out a 'hmph', but said nothing. He knew Simon. His second in command feared nothing, not even, Negan suspected, him. Any comment would be used against him, he knew that. Simon continued. "You know how I lured him out, in the forest?" He glanced at Negan, whose face revealed a lot more than he wanted it to, sullen like a cliche teenager. Simon grinned again. "I told him you were injured. That's all. And there he was, like a jack-in-the-box. Well, more like jack-in-a-tree." Negan chewed on this for awhile while Simon rambled. "Learned a lot about him, up in that tree." Negan glanced over at him. Wasn't Simon a bit too happy about all this? What had they really gotten up to? The jealousy that surged through him was unpleasant, and Simon laughed as he saw Negans face. "For one thing, you're about as jealous as eachother. You should have seen his face when I told him we'd fucked,hah!" Negans face was priceless. Whatever he had expected, it wasn't that. "Relax, I told him it was a joke straight away. But he sure as fuck didn't like it." Negan almost smiled. Simon, that fucker. He knew he kept him around for a reason. "And then I hit on him, well, not too much -I don't really want to die, but he was not interested at _all."_ Simon added as an afterthought. "He is fucking cute, though." Negan growled. "That he fucking is." Negan added, tone unmistakeable. "And mine"

*

They drove in silence for about a mile before Simon couldn't hold it in any longer. "If he's yours, why are you leaving him? Rick the Prick will swoop in and take over, you know." Negan said nothing to this. The image of Rick and Daryl flashed before his eyes. He wanted to tell him to turn the car around. He wanted to tell Simon to stop the fucking car, to turn it the fuck around and throw himself at Daryls feet, begging for forgiveness - but he couldn't. He couldn't waste all the resources, and he couldn't be seen as that needy. He'd lose whatever face he had left. 

Simon looked at him, the sadness creeping in over Negans features. "I'm on the council now, you know. Daryl voted me in." Negan furrowed his brows. The fucking council. A grand idea, but would it work? Convince people to work together? Could they start helping people again? Trusting? Simon cleared his throat, being on wobbly ground already, he knew he was pushing it, but he had to. "I dunno, but as a member of the council" he said, very obviously joking, and being over the top serious, "It is, in my opinion", he put his hand on his chest, in faux sincerity, "in all of our best interests, that we live in one place, to save the resources." 

Negan smiled, Simon kidding around was hard to resist. "I'm just saying - the Sanctuary isn't the building, or the fort or the area. It's us. All of us." Simon kept his eyes on the road after that, letting Negan mull it over in peace. As they rolled up to the Sanctuary, Negan had made his decision.

 

 

 


	89. Numb

Daryl didn't feel anything. He was numb. He knew he ought to prepare for the council-meeting, but Rick was taking care of it, like he took care of everything now. Daryl slid back into a deep slumber on his bed, completely dead to the world. His heart was more than broken, it was shattered.   
  


*

Rick watched him from the doorway for awhile, heart crying, face remaining calm. He was gliding back into the role of leader, or not really leader – second in command. He gathered the people easy enough, he led them, but he was more calm, more collected, and that calmed the others. People had been shocked for sure, when the Saviours came to their rescue, and even more so when they stayed, but Negan had shown him a real will to not only change, but to work together. All for Daryl.. Rick understood why. There was something about Daryl, even if you didn't love him romantically, that made your heart swell three sizes for him. He protected the weak, hell, he protected everyone, often sacrificing himself to do so. And everyone in Ricks group had at one point or another suspected why – that Daryl's upbringing had been very different from theirs. That there was a unprotected little boy in Daryls past. Rick had seen the scars. Rick remembered Merle. You don't grow into being a Merle for no reason, atleast that was his experience as a police officer – something that seemed as distant now as his own childhood.

*

Hushed voices in another room, reminded Daryl of the last time Negan had left him. He heard them worry, he heard them wonder what to do. He turned around in his bed, and slept on.

*

A day passed.

*

Two days passed.

*

Three days passed.  
  
  


Daryl didn't do anything other than sleep, or stay in his bed, that faraway expression on his face. Rick brought him food, as did the others, and shared it amongst themselves when Daryl didn't touch any of it. Food was scarce, but they were holding out, hoping the Hilltop would help. They would barter on price, and get an agreement on the councilmeeting in a few days.

Rick was starting to consider sending an envoy to the Saviours, but who do you send to the lions den? He would go himself – he would do that for Daryl, but people actually relied on him again – he couldn't abandon them. He never thought they would come back to him with their problems and concerns, and for each time he stood a little straighter, stood a little taller. He grew back into the Rick Grimes he used to be,but with humility - the Rick Grimes that looked after people, the Rick Grimes that wore a badge. He set out to help people, to save his family, and that's what he would do. He would do what he needed to do, to keep Carl safe, to keep Judith safe, to keep his found family safe. Daryl was a part of that family. A big part. Daryl hadn't touched food or drink in three full days. They had started discussing how to get water in him, at the very least, before it was too late. Rick stood on the wall for the most part of those three days, looking for trucks that never came.

 


	90. Home

Dustclouds in the distance. A caravan of trucks and cars and bikes. Rick felt fear, anger and hope flare up in his chest. It was definitely him. _Thank fucking god._

As the caravan of trucks came to the gate, and Rick opened it for them, Negan jumped out. "Where is he?", Negan asked, the usual charming grin just a facade, to hide his pain and insecurity. Rick felt a flare of rage, and struck Negan, hard fist to the face. Negan staggered a step backwards, and clenched his jaw, the smile gone. "Where. Is. He." Rick snarled at him. "He's in the same goddamn bed you left him in, three and a half days ago. He hasn't eaten anything, he hasn't drunk anything, he hasn't spoken for three days. That's where the fuck he is." Rick roared in his face, anger on behalf of Daryl was much greater than fear for himself. Something broke at the back of Negans eyes. "Go prepare something for him to eat and drink. I'll take it to him." Rick was on his way to leave, when he turned. "What is all this?" He pointed to the trucks. Negan looked back, the smirk back in it's place. "Oh, that. We're moving in. Permanently." He added,jokingly. "Honey, I'm home!"

*

Heavy steps up the stairs. Door opening. Daryl opened his eyes, and although his back was to the door, he knew it was him. He could feel it, he could smell it, he could sense it with every fibre of his being. "Hello, princess." The dark, rumbling voice shot through Daryls heart like arrows of fire.

Negan put the tray in his hands down. He felt a surge of fear, as Daryl lay immobile in the bed. He realised, through Ricks rage, how Daryl must feel. How lost and alone and abandoned. How this probably have triggered some kind of reaction in Daryl, some kind of memory that made him respond like this. It was a primal reaction, something deep within Daryl. Daryl didn't need his boyfriend back now - Daryls boyfriend, Negan reminded himself, -had abandoned him. What Daryl needed his owner. He needed his collar.

Negan swallowed. He needed to be rough on Daryl. He unbuckled his belt, laying his face in a stony grimace. "Get up." Daryl didn't move. "Princess, you've got one shot to impress me. Get the fuck up." Daryl stirred. He didn't look up, as he rose. His head was down, face hdden behind his fringe, and he was trembling all over. Negan swallowed the feeling of his broken heart, and made himself sound harsh and cold. "Good boy". Daryl twitched, as if he flinched inwardly. He sat down on the edge of the bed, legs far apart, belt in hand. Negan barely could control his voice. He knew he had to be strong, to be what Daryl needed, to be the one thing that could pull him together after pulling him apart.

"Kneel."

 


	91. Where you belong

Daryl fell to his knees in front of Negan, no hesitation. He obeyed as easy as he did when the collar was fresh on him. There was a sigh of relief from Negan, almost inaudible. There as no telling if Daryl had heard it, his face was stony and downcast. Gently, Negan tightened the collar around Daryls throat. Daryl stopped shivering as the leather touched the skin of his neck, shoulders relaxing.

Negan pulled him close, almost choking Daryl, so close he almost didn't have to do more than breathe the words in his ear to make them ring. Spoken slowly, softly, with deliberate pressure on each single syllable, Negan purred into Daryls ear. "You....are....mine." Daryls eyes flickered, his chest moved quicker. For the first time since Negan had come into the room, Daryls eyes flickered towards Negans, but didn't dare meet them. Negans eyes wandered down Daryls almost unclothed frame.

Negan led Daryl onto the bed, pushed him down onto the mattress, face down. He grabbed Daryls wrists, pulling his hands and arms onto Daryls back. All he wanted was to be soft with Daryl, to show him how he only wanted to leave because he thought it was what Daryl wanted. He needed Daryl to forgive him. But that wasn't what Daryl needed. Daryl needed Negan to own him, to take him and mark him as his. And never let him go. Negan understood it now. He needed to be the man Daryl needed. Negan bent down, and pulled Daryls belt off. He tied Daryls hands together, momentarily caressing Daryls arms.

Negan stood and locked the door to their room.

*

Rick heard the door lock, and felt his heart fall. At least Daryl would be happy, he tried to comfort himself with, on his way out.

  
  


 


	92. Sir

Negan walked around the room, lighting candles, and covering the windows. It was wasteful and it felt almost embarrassing, but he wanted to make this something else. Something different. Something else to bring them together as one. He would be rougher on Daryl than he had ever been. He contemplated, as he lit the candles, Daryl silent on the bed, hands on his back, what had he done if Daryl hadn't complied? Negan looked into the flame of the candle, admitting to himself that he would have done anything. Being away from Daryl for those three days felt like... not being able to breathe, with a car on his chest, walkers grabbing at him from all sides – for three days. It felt like walking around without his intestines, his heart or his lungs. He had been moody and grumpy and broken more than one jaw for slacking off, or not moving quick enough. He would still rule most of everything. There would be a shop – the points system worked. But the rest.. He didn't know.

He looked at Daryls body, the scars crisscrossing on his back, the muscles bulging on his arms and thighs. Negan felt something stir that distracted him from guilt, administration and fear. He felt that need again, that need to have Daryl. That need that had ridden him since he first saw him.

Negan pulled up his shirtsleeves, and walked to the bed. He pulled his knife up, and bunched Daryls boxers up on one side, pulling his knife quickly through the fabric. He repeated on the other side, and pulled the now useless piece of cloth to the floor. He grabbed Daryls buttocks, massaging each roughly till a muffled groan came from Daryl. Negan slapped Daryls buttocks, hard, the sound resounding through the room, causing a slight wince from Daryl. Negan felt his cock twitch, he wanted Daryl in more ways than one now. He slapped his buttocks again, falling into a steady pace, alternating between the two untill they were both a bright red. Muffled sounds came from Daryl, if they were sobs or moans he didn't know.

Negan took a deep breath, giving Daryl room to breathe as well. He had forgotten himself, but only a little. He needed to dicipline Daryl, and be clear what he punished him for. "Rick", Negan began, "made it clear to me", he rubbed his jaw, "that you haven't eaten in three days. Is that right?" Daryl made no sound. Negan grabbed a fistful of Daryls hair and pulled a little. "Speak when you're spoken to", he growled. Daryl whimpered. "Yeah." Negan snarled. "Yeah, huh." He let go of Daryls hair. "Rick also informed me that you haven't had anything to drink in those three days. Is that right?" When Daryl acknowledged it with a hoarse 'yeah', he almost lost it.

"Is that any way to keep my property healthy, hm?" Daryl looked at him, a glance Negan couldn't decipher. "No." Daryls hoarse voice made Negans cock twitch again. "No, what?" Negan demanded, while untying Daryls hands. Daryl didn't answer. "No, _sir"_ , Negan said, stressing the latter word. "No, sir", Daryl repeated meekly, arms in front of him, rubbing his wrists. "Not eating, not drinking". Negan smacked the belt against his hand. "What am I to do with you,huh?" Daryl half-turned at sound. Negan grabbed at Daryls buttocks again, and Daryl winced. "You will eat, and drink", started Negan as he gave the first hard lash at Daryls buttocks with the belt, "and you will understand that no matter what", another lash and Daryl cried out, "You are mine." Three quick, easy, strikes with the belt over Daryls bright red butt. "Do you understand me?" Negan said, out of breath, hurting more than he realised. "Yes", Daryl cried out, through the tears.

Negan dropped the belt on the floor, and caressed Daryls rear tenderly. "Do you understand it, though? Do you _know_ deep down, that you are mine, and only mine?" Rubbing Daryls rear made him harder than he already was. "Yes", Daryl answered, voice strained. Negan smacked his right buttcheek so hard Daryl yelped. "Yes, sir!" He corrected himself. "That's better, princess", Negan purred. He kept caressing, massaging gently, landing wet kisses all over until he couldn't hold back anymore.

"On your back", Negan commanded, voice thick with desire. He undressed quickly, standing over Daryl like something out of a story, wild and untamed. He slid his hand over his hard cock a few times while Daryl turned. He gave a groan when he saw Daryls cock was as hard as his own. He quickly lubed up, pressing his cock to Daryls entrance, wanting to take him, not hold out not wait, but then – a sob shook Daryls body. Negan pulled Daryl up off the bed, kissing his tears away. Daryl didn't have to speak for Negan to know what had him crying. He was afraid to be left again, hurt again, and this, them together, like this, was what Daryl wanted so much, he didn't dare believe in it. Negan turned them around, and sat down on the bed. He lifted Daryl up easily, and held him so the tip of his cock touched and teased at Daryls entrance. He looked Daryl straight in the eyes and spoke softly, without menace. "All I want to do right now, is have you slide down on my cock. But I can't let you do that if you deep down don't trust me." He moved slightly, the head teasing Daryl, who wanted it – needed it – more than anything.

"I am never leaving you again, princess. Not unless you tell me to get lost for good. Maybe not even then." He kept wiggling, pushing the tip almost in, almost giving in to his own desires. "I thought I did you right by leaving." He pushed a little deeper, he couldn't resist. Daryls eyes widened. "I was wrong, princess." Negans arms started to hurt, but he managed to bend his head just enough to lick the tip of Daryls cock, one broad lick over the head. "I moved the Saviours here. I can't be without you." Daryl moaned as Negans cock throbbed, almost in him. Negans voice shook, he was struggling not to lose control. "You are mine", he moaned, cock pulsating, and he looked at Daryl, the most vulnerable they both had ever been. "And I am yours".

Daryl moaned as he slid down Negans cock, his last defense broken down. He held onto Negan with one arm, as Negan bucked against him, desperate to go deeper, harder, faster. His other hand stroked his own cock, and he was so close. "I want to cum in your mouth", Daryl said, cheeks flushed, getting harder merely by saying it. Negan moaned. "Fuck yes, princess. I want to taste you". Negan leaned back as Daryl climbed off his cock. But instead of Negan sucking him off, Daryl knelt on his chest, obstructing his arms from getting to his own cock. Negan felt his cock dripping and twitching. It was maddening not getting to it when he was so close to orgasming, but he was driven wild with lust, and all he wanted was to taste Daryl, feel the throbbing cock in his mouth.

He felt the warm drops on his face, and opened when he felt the cock at his lips, sucking eagerly out every last drop. Daryls moans were more than loud and his cock filled Negans mouth, almost bringing him to climax. He swallowed, feeling drops still on his face. "Sit on me, I.." A hard slap dazed him. Daryl moved so Negans cock teased at the entrance again. "Beg me", Daryl growled. Negan pushed his dick closer, whimpering with need. He didn't want to give in – the power was _his_ , but fuck, he needed to cum so fucking bad – and besides, it was fucking hot. " _Please_ sit your perfect ass down, princess, so I can fucking fill it up before I explode." Negan growled back, as Daryl held his wrists. Daryl pressed down more and Negan moaned, struggling, desperate to push him down onto his cock all the way. "Fuck, please." Another slap. "I am yours", Daryl growled again, "and you are mine", eyes glittering, as he pushed down on Negans cock, feeling the warm load in his ass, shivering from Negans roar of orgasm that could no doubt be heard onto the street.

They sank down on the bed, and fell asleep in eachothers arms before the candles burned down.

 


	93. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OST - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_n2cr_V738 & https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REDpEBFjdXA

The morning came, sun gleaming through the windows over their bodies. Daryl woke, and found Negan staring into his eyes with a soft smile on his lips. Negan was resting on his elbow, just watching Daryl. He was smiling with such warmth Daryl could feel the remaining anger thaw away. "Hey", he mumbled, the shyness back in place. "Hey", Negan answered, before leaning in for a soft kiss. "I'm sorry I fucked up", Negan said, his face showing how sincere he was. Daryl could tell he meant it – he knew how to watch Negan now, what to look for in his eyes. He meant it. "..'m sorry too", Daryl answered. Negan pulled him close into a long kiss. They broke apart, short of breath, and Negan caressed Daryls cheek and jawline with his thumb. "As much as I would love to just continue that for the next week or so, you are going to be a good boy for me now". Daryl blushed, and Negan smirked, the warmth in his chest spreading. He loved to watch the big, strong man blush.

"You're going to get your perfect ass in the shower, next - you're eating breakfast. And then you'll get a reward", he finished with a smirk, laying down on his back to display an impressive erection. Daryl whimpered, instantly turned on. Negan groaned as Daryl reached for his cock, eager lips surrounding the head. "What do you think you're doing, you slut, shower first.." He didn't finish the sentence, as Daryls lips moved further down the shaft and the head of Negans cock touching the back of his throat. Daryl moved up for air, and turned to Negan with a twinkling grin. "I need my protein. Besides, maybe I want my reward in the shower.." Negan groaned again in delight as Daryls lips worked their magic on his hard cock. He started moving his hips, and Daryl moved with him, so ready to feel the warm load down his throat. Negan suddenly pushed him off of his cock, threw him back on the bed and knelt over Daryls chest, jerking his own cock quickly. Negans eyes were dark as sin, filled to the brim with lust. Daryl opened his mouth, and looked at Negan. -Please, he whimpered, hands occupied with his own cock. Negan exploded all over his face and wiped the last droplets off on Daryls tongue. Daryl moaned, and when he felt Negans lips surround his cock, he unleashed as well, the tongue swirling too much to endure. "Slut", Negan whispered happily in Daryls ear,making him smirk, before cleaning up Daryls face, and pulling him into the shower. The moans from the house were loud enough to keep people away for the entire day.

 


	94. Sunshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been so slow,(and that this soooo short) I'm still a bit under the weather, but I'll try to get this finished soon. <3 Thanks for reading and your comments and love.

The bright morning sun shone over Alexandria. It was a beautiful morning, and Simon felt content. In fact, more than content. He felt down right happy. All their people were in one place, their group was big, making the town secure. There were teams out scouting for food and items, teams he trusted not to fuck up. They had started building proper lookout towers, to spot faraway enemies or herds, and life in general felt good. Safe,almost.

He bit down on a juicy pear, a part of the agreement the Hilltop had made with Alexandria. Food in exchange for protection and help. Daryl and Negan falling in love could very well be the thing that saved everyone, Simon thought cheerfully. Without it, Negan would undoubtedly slain most of the Alexandrians at one point or another, for disobeying, or rebelling or whatever. And sure, they'd always watch their backs, but they could relax a little. Nobody could afford to hold grudges for too long now – people relied on people. Grudges would make that impossible. But it seemed like everyone had gotten so used to the saviours, they just accepted them now. Juice from the pear glistened on his moustache, and he wiped it off, leaning back into the hammock on the front porch, the sun warming him comfortably. It was indeed a fine day.

 


	95. Past and present

"I used to have wives, you know. Lots." Negan looked down at their hands, not wanting to face Daryls eyes. "I know", Daryl answered. "Simon told me ages ago. He said I had to be somethin' special to make you boot all your wives out." Negan blushed. "He did, huh." The silence between them the few seconds it lasted, was tense, but not uncomfortable. Negan looked at Daryl, really faced him, and kissed him, making the mattress creak. "Well, you are. Special." Negan was quiet, but smiling. Daryl said nothing. "Are you angry?" Negan asked, finally. Daryl looked at him, not with surprise, but with hurt. "Not angry. I dunno, I wish you'd told me, instead'a Simon." Daryl searched for words, and sat up, Negan following his lead. "You tossed them out. When you found me. That's all that matters. I don't like sharing, not like that." Negan nodded. He knew the feeling, and understood all too well. "I don't want anyone else." The honesty in both their voices were clear. They were vulnerable, but so equally desperate to fix this, to be together, and they could both feel the need to just hold eachother and be together in the moment.

They kissed, slowly, tenderly, a display in restrained physical urges. They were both sore, but both still hungry for eachother. "This is it", Daryl said quietly. "No more chances." Negans body froze, and his chest felt hollow. "What do you mean?" Daryl moved his hair away from his eyes some. "I mean, either we make this work now, or we stop. I can't keep doing this back and forth." The piercing eyes told no lies, and Negan knew within himself there would be no more chances, not even for him. Not without hurting Daryl _a lot._ Old Negan could have done that. He couldn't. "Either you're mine, like I'm yours..." Daryl said, trailing off, voice cracking. Negan nodded. "I am yours. Like you are mine. For how long forever means." He smiled weakly, the commitment scaring him slightly. Daryl kept looking at him, it felt like he peeled off layers off of Negans soul, to see what lay hidden beneath.

"You don't have to, I just.. I can't keep doing this like we have." Negan cupped Daryls face in his hands. "I love you. I want to be with you. I changed my entire world to fit you in it. I'm yours. _Trust me_." Negan blushed from being so emotional, and Daryl blushed from all the love in Negans words. "I love you too."

Slow kisses left Daryl still with a need. "Say it again", he whispered hoarsely into Negans ear. Negan smirked, holding Daryl so close made his entire body feel like it was on fire. "I'm yours. I love you." Daryl pinned him down while they kissed, a slow burning heat that felt like lava. "Then you're mine. We're doing this. You'll live here, with me, and we'll be.." he stopped, shyly, losing his words. Negan smiled, Daryls hands around his wrists. "I'll be your boyfriend,partner, husband... whatever you want. For as long as you want me." Daryl sat back, his buttocks pressing down Negans erection. "Are you proposing?" Daryl asked, in much too calm a voice not to be having strong emotions that he tried to hide. Negan kept smiling. "So what if I am?" Daryls answer was spontaneous, and raw, still lubed up from the last round, he sat down on Negans cock, riding it till they both shouted in ecstacy.

 


	96. For whom the bell tolls

"I don't think we should do it", Daryl said, in between mouthfuls of food, barely looking up. Negan stopped mid-movement, warm brown eyes searching Daryls face. He felt a sting of fear for what came next, but he had to ask. "Do what?" Negans voice was calmer than Daryl expected. He wasn't scared, exactly, but he didn't want to rock the boat too much now that things finally seemed peaceful. He chewed for a second, looking up briefly to meet Negans far too calm face. "Marry." He kept eating. Negan felt like his heart fell. This was it, this was when Daryl got revenge, he was sure this would be the moment when Daryl told him to pack up and fuck off. The insecurities flew past in seconds, before he got out a 'why?'.

Daryl stopped eating, trying to make sense of his feelings and the words that went along with them. There was silence, and the dust in the sunlight seemed to tremble with trepidation. "You've had wives." Daryl started, growing more secure in himself as he spoke. "You had  _wives._ " He held Negans gaze, untill Negan blushed and looked down. "I've never.. You're my first.. " He stumbled over the words. "..and marrying you would be, a thing all those other people did." He wanted to tell him it wasn't jealousy, but it was that too. "We are.. what we are." Negan smiled, relieved. The dimples grew, and he stood up from the table, walked around, and pulled Daryl up. "It's okay. I get it. This..we.. it's special." Negan kissed Daryl softly on the forehead. Daryl grunted something non-commital and rested his face on Negans chest. 

"So we don't marry", Negan smiled, tilting Daryls head up. "Nothing changes. You're still mine, and I'm yours." Negans smile grew for each word, warmth radiating towards Daryl. It hit Daryl square in the chest. He realised, maybe for the first time, how seriously Negan meant it, now. How intensely he could love when he opened up. A wave of love spread through Daryl, like ripples in water.

They stood for an quiet eternity, in a tight embrace, just existing in that moment, with eachother, in love and happiness. Engulfed in a kiss, and close to turning into something more, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Whoever knocked didn't much like to be ignored, and stepped in. 

A grumpy Rick entered the kitchen as the kiss deepened, and they turned to him with a unison "Get out,Rick!", but it had no effect. "If you two can stop  fucking for ten fucking minutes, we have a situation." Negan raised an eyebrow, but Rick didn't even flinch. "Now!", Rick said. Negan gave another slow kiss to Daryl. "We better go before he blows a gasket". Negans smirk didn't lessen as he passed Rick out the door. 


	97. Town hall

Rick led them into one of the larger houses next to the square. Meant, no doubt, when it was built, for a large family or several generations. A new sign had been put up - "Town Hall", above the doors. Negan smelled what was coming, and Daryl tensed up. The council. He had forgotten about that, in the whirlwind that was their relationship. The council he'd set up after Negan, and Rick, was shot. He quickly grabbed Negans hand for comfort, and Negans eyebrows flew up with surprise. Daryl, with his hand in Negans, insecure in his position, no longer filled with rage and powerful because of it, reminded Negan of a cornered animal, or a small boy holding his fathers hand. He squeezed it before letting go again, and straightened up slightly. He needed to lead again. Daryl looked at him, the slight change in posture, and felt safer already. The whole thing lasted a mere few seconds, but it meant the world to Daryl.

Inside the large living room there were two long tables, put together so they created one very long table. Chairs all around. There were notepads and pens in the middle, of varying sizes and colours. Negan chose the chair at the end of the table, facing the window, the wall behind him. Full vision on all sides. He trusted them, now, mostly, but no harm in being smart about it. Daryl chose the one on his immediate right. Rick sat down on the left of Negan, and the group by the window found their seats. Everyone was seated when Simon entered, and pulled up a chair to the table, not even blinking. He gathered from the others reaction, they hadn't chosen him to join them. Negan seemed to consider it for only a second, his eyebrows furrowing, and let it pass. He didn't see any reason why Simon shouldn't be there.

Rick stood up, still insisting on having some form of decorum. "This is the first official meeting of the council. First, we need to elect a scribe." The rest of the meeting went in relative peace. Aaron had volunteered as a scribe, and the councilmembers were a good bunch of people from the different groups. Negan and Simon from the Saviours, Jesus from the Hilltop, Rick, Michonne and Daryl from Ricks group, and Aaron and couple other Alexandrians.

*

As they left the room, Negan spoke to Rick, in a joking tone that Daryl didn't really like, it sounded too close to flirting. "A situation,huh?" Rick smiled. "Well, how else would we get you two out of bed?" He laughed, and left the room. Daryl stared after him with an inscrutable face. Negan talked to a few more people, Aaron being one of them, while Daryl sat, arms crossed, leaning on the windowsill, and pretending not to pay close attention to what Negan was doing. He felt Negans glance on him a couple of times, but didn't return it.

*

Negan knew what was going on with Daryl, and he supposed he should have realised that the jealousy would flare up again easily. This easily, though? He wasn't happy about it, but it was his own damn fault. He knew how to handle it, if Daryl let him. 


	98. Collar/bone

Negan walked towards Daryl, who was still sulking and sitting on the windowsill. "Bitch, get up." Daryl froze, he didn't expect Negan to call him that in public again, it felt more like bedroomtalk at this point. He blushed, but got up, slowly. Negan stared him down. "Don't think I don't see you staring daggers at everyone that talks to me. Don't think I don't see you sulking over here like a fucking schoolgirl that wants more attention." Negans voice was soft, but his tone made it clear he wasn't bullshitting.

 

The room hushed in an instant. Everyone heard each word, and Daryl felt the shame burn his cheeks. Some of the people in the room looked away, not wanting to see his humiliation, but some stared. Simon was watching with an amused grin. Rick had re-entered the room, and stood watching from the doorway. Negan commanded Daryl with his gaze, eventually Daryl looked down and away. Negan straightened up. Wordless dominance was all well and good, but Daryl needed something more permanent. He needed something to permanently remind him. A thought occured to him. Negans smile grew, and his dimples made an appearance. Daryl glanced up and his chest tightened with an overwhelm of love.

 

Negan looked at Simon. "You got another belt, right?" Simon smiled, and unbuckled, handing it over to Negan. "Sure do!" Negan tested the give of the brown leather belt with a suede surface. The people in the room were watching intently, ready to step in if needed. He might be their leader, but they had seen Daryl lead now, and knew Negan wasn't the only way. He felt the shift in the room, the hands moving ever so slightly towards hidden knives and guns.

"Kneel." He spoke the word with a softness that shouldn't carry throughout the room, but it did.

 


	99. This heart is where you truly live

Daryl knelt in front of Negan. The tension in the room was almost tangible. Negan smiled, warm and filled with love. There was no one else for him, there would be no one else. He was aware of the other people in the room, he wanted them to witness it, he wanted Daryl to understand that they were meant to witness it.

Negan tilted Daryls chin up, and their eyes locked. The subtle contact was intimate, and so obviously filled with love, several of the people in the room felt compelled to turn away, as if they were intruding. As Negan placed Simons best around Daryls throat, and tightened it, while placing a finger between Daryls throat and the leather, to make some room to move. "Is it too tight?" He asked Daryl, voice as soft as velvet. "No", Daryl answered, his voice a hoarse whisper. Negan buckled the belt, and pulled his knife up, and trimmed off the rest of the belt, making a perfectly sized collar.

"You are mine". Negan pulled Daryl up after the collar, and Daryl felt aroused and euphoric, starting to fully understand what the collar meant. "You are mine, and I am yours, for as long as you want me". Negan held onto Daryls collar, and stared into Daryls eyes. "I know you're insecure, I know you don't trust me. That shit is on me – I get it. But this, this means you are mine, and I am yours. You need something to remind you everyday, and this is it." He tugged on Daryls collar to underline. "Maybe a wedding ring would have the same effect on you, but this is the same fucking thing – and I think it looks a hell of a lot better on you." Negan grinned at Daryls blush. No one in the background moved. No one else spoke.

Negan knelt in front of Daryl, and took off one of his two belts. A broad, black leather belt, that he tightened around his right wrist, with a bit of wriggleroom, before handing the knife to Daryl, who seemed unsure of what to do. "Daryl Dixon", Negan started. "I promise my life to you, I promise to honour you, protect you, keep you safe and happy, in this mad world. I promise that it will be you, and only you, for as long as you'll have me. I promise to own you, and keep you, and to let you go, or follow your lead, when you need it. I promise you tomorrow and all the tomorrows we get. If you'll have me", Negan finished, and nodded to the knife, as he held his wrist up. Daryl didn't speak, didn't move, for several seconds. Then, slowly, he cut the end of the belt off of Negans makeshift belt-bracelet. Daryl bent down to kiss him, and whispered a short ''I do. I do want you", into Negans ear before touching his lips, voice brimming with emotion.

There was a short outburst of applause, started by a very pleased Simon, and the rest joined. The problems they had had with Negan did still linger in their minds, but the love for the living outweighed the memories of the dead. They knew life was precious, and they loved Daryl, and wanted him to be happy.

*

They walked hand in hand back to Daryls house, and Negan stopped him before going in. "I fucking love you, princess", he grinned. The passionate kiss took Daryls breath away, and he wanted nothing more than to go back inside and continue that kiss. Negan stopped him again. "It is customary,I've been told", he said, grabbing Daryl, and scooping him up in his arms, "To carry someone over the threshold, when you've committed to them for life." Daryl teared up, cheeks flushed. Negan carried him over the threshold, and closed the door -their door -behind them. 

  
Their laughter, and the sound of love, carried out to the street and into the night.

  
  


The End.

 


	100. Epilogue

Negan sat on the porch, beer in hand, watching Daryl wrestle playfully with their dog. He was a good dog, big and strong, and a big old fluffball. Kind of like Daryl, he thought to himself with a smile. Things were good. They handled the walkers, people behaved mostly decent, and there was really no sand in the machinery. He was..happy. People actually looked up to him. Daryl worshipped him, and he had to admit, he couldn't imagine life any other way. He felt the sun on his face, and closed his eyes with another smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all; Thank you to EvilAdmin, who wrote this at the very start; «I printed out this mornings chapter to read on the bus» - I printed out that comment, and it kept me going for a LONG time. 
> 
> Second, this is what I wrote somewhere in my notes; «Hadeel wants 96 chapters -though how??» - which was a far stretch for me, seeing as how I planned Negan dying of the gunshot in chapter-whateveritwas. He was to sacrifice himself, breaking everyones hearts forever, you know, showing that he had actually changed. But then the world went and did a lot of bad things, and a series I follow seemed to have a death impending, and I just couldn't do it. Also, you guys pepped me up wanting more. 
> 
> I want to thank you guys for giving me back my love of the game – the fanficsgame that is. <3  
> If you read this, any of this, if you left a comment or kudos, or if I made you smile or blush or cry, while reading - know I have love in my heart for you. Thank you for letting me (making me) write this to the end - and for sticking with it. I love you guys.  
> Sappy!Possum out~


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